Heaven or Tokyo
by rosesweetchild
Summary: This is a response to Onodera Ritsu No Baai Chapter 28. This is how I'd like it to go from here: After experiencing probably one of the worst nights of his life Onodera is forced to make new choices for himself.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 - There Must be 50 Ways

 **I was inspired to write this story after seeing at the original Japanese manga for Onodera Ritsu No Baai, despite not being aJapanese speaker at all it was painfully obviously what was happening there. And once it had been scanlated, I became more inspired to write, seeing how I hadn't been wrong at all in my assumptions.**

 **It's unfortunate that this type of trope of rape exists in any form anywhere, and although it's a common 'feature' or should I say misfeature in BL, it's still wrong.**

 **My reaction was to give Takano some much needed pain. I'm aware that the character had a messed-up childhood and his characterization as an adult does fit, and I can see how someone who was neglected and not nurtured as a child could turn into a Takano as an adult. Having grown up in a a neglected home, I could relate to the character. But then, he crossed a line that you just do not cross. Maybe in #29 Nakamura Sensei will have them make up and he'll say he loves Onodera, but as far as I'm concerned in real life that would be too little too late. I've written this fanfiction as a way of expressing my disappointment with the plot and to also have fun.**

 **Don't worry. I have Takano shipped with somebody else. I still have him getting some happiness, just fter he suffers some pain for hurting Ricchan. Gihee.**

 **I have no clue what to call this story, so I named it after a Cocteau Twins album and the first chapter title is from the very old song by Paul Simon, "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover."**

 **Sorry not sorry.**

Bruised and marked wrists. Had his wrists always had this potential for being bruised and hurt like this? He tried not to think as he went through the motions of heading to work. He tried not to bump into anyone on the packed train. What was waiting for him when he got to the Emerald offices? The only person he'd ever confessed love to who was also his next-door neighbor as well as his boss. The last person he wanted to see was Takano Masamune. He felt himself shake as he pulled down his sleeves to hide the evidence of last night's degradation. It was pointless to be worried. Nobody would be able to tell that anything happened, but somehow it seemed like he was wearing a sign on his face that read 'I was raped' like the woman with the scarlet letter in a 19th Century American novel he had to read in high school in England.

As he exited the station, he knew that today was not going to be a normal day or even a not so normal day. He looked for a contact on his cell phone and dialed. Not only was this day not going to be a normal day, he was going to have to 'spread the love' and make this day a real headache for his colleagues too.

"Hey Kisa San."

"Ricchan! Everything okay? You're almost here?"

"Yeah. I - I need your help though. I might have to skip work for most of the day…" He might as well have said he had to traipse through the building with only a necktie on. Nobody just skipped work. Well he had a good enough reason, unfortunately.

"Is everything okay?"

"No. Not really." Shit. Crying now wasn't allowed. He gulped. He'd never been that close with Kisa San, but at the same time he'd always been nice to him. Still, he wondered if Kisa San was someone who he could rely on. Hee had to know something was wrong, now. Kisa San must have heard him as he tried to stop crying. This was just a continuation of the humiliation he'd already suffered, wasn't it, and the reason why he was having a hard time calming down, because he desperately needed to talk to someone and maybe, just maybe Kisa Shouta could be that person.

"Ricchan. I don't know what happened but if you need to talk anytime feel free to call You have my personal number, right?" Just hearing Kisa's response helped him breathe better. He never knew with Kisa San. From the beginning he'd looked like this cute sweet boy, and yet within him existed a very cheeky sarcastic guy. Well if Ritsu looked like he was 12 when he'd already past his 30th birthday maybe he'd be the same way. Still, he was relieved Kisa had responded in such an open genuine way. But first things first. Was it even safe to go to the Emerald offices?

"Uh… yeah. Thank you. I might take you up on your offer. Is Takano San there?"

"No. You forgot he's coming in late? He's going to Ichinose Sensei's place for a long meeting. He won't be here for a few hours probably."

"Oh good. Okay I'll be there soon then."

When he reached the _Emerald_ office, there was no sign of Takano, as Kisa had said. There was also no sign of Hatori or Mino which would save unnecessary questions. It was bad enough he had to confide in one person. And he wasn't going to be their favorite person once they realized they were going to be saddled with a lot more work very soon. He sat down and brought up the company directory on his laptop and found the extension for Hasegawa San, who was always so friendly to him when they ran into each other every so often, and always mentioned him being welcome in Literature. Well, he was going to see how true this was now.

"Kisa San, I need a favor from you. I'm going to make a phone call. Please don't tell anyone about it."

"N-No problem, Richhan." He looked like he wanted to say something more but must have seen something in Onodera's eyes, and went back to peering at a storyboard.

As he picked up the phone and prepared to dial Hasegawa, he realized that no matter what would happen with this phone call, he was either leaving _Emerald_ with a transfer set up or he was leaving Marukawa Shoten altogether. He also needed a place to stay. He couldn't go back to his apartment. What if Takano San got enraged and raped him again? Oh shit. Tears. No. This couldn't happen now. He willed himself to think of other matters.

The conversation couldn't have gotten better at least.

"Onodera San? I was just thinking of calling you."

"Ah?"

"I know last time I asked you seemed to be happy, but we have an opening in literature and before I send it to human resources I was wondering if you would be interested."

"I am. How soon can I come and interview?"

"Wow. Today is my lucky day." Well it was good it was somebody's lucky day. Today was Onodera's nightmare day. "Can you come up now by any chance? My boss is here, and I already told him all about you."

"Is 30 minutes from now okay?"

"Of course. You know where we are?"

"Yes."

"Great. I'll meet you by the elevators by the literature section in 30 minutes."

Onodera was still shaking when he hung up the phone and quickly opened a word document.

He started typing.

"To Takano San,

I am hereby giving notice of my job as an editor of Emerald to take effect immediately.

-Onodera Ritsu

He printed it and started another document.

Takano San,

Do you know what you did to me last night? Do you even feel any remorse?

I can't believe I'm writing this. I was so close to telling you I love you. Do you know how hard it is for me to say something like that? What you did almost destroyed me. Maybe I should have told Nao he couldn't stay at my apartment. It was wrong. I always have a hard time telling people no. Especially Nao. I owe him a lot. I know that. But what you did was unforgivable.

I'm leaving the department so don't try to find me. Hopefully I'll be able to transfer to a different department at Marukawa. I'm going to an interview there now.

Either way I won't be coming back here. I'm sorry for doing this to Emerald. I'm sorry to the authors who trusted and believed in me. I have contacted them to let them know they will be getting new editors. I hate to do this to Hatori, Mino and Kisa but you gave me no choice.

I'm planning on moving out of my apartment and will be finding somewhere else to live temporarily. Do not attempt to find me or I will be forced to contact the police. I don't think either of us want that, especially if I'm forced to tell them that it's my male lover who attacked me. Make that my ex male lover. Because we are through.

The only way I will ever think of letting you into my life is if you can prove you will never do this again.

I feel horrible doing this, and I know how hard those ten years were for you. We were so close to something good. But any hope of that is over, and those ten years weren't fun for me either. Please don't contact me until you get help and try and change.

-Onodera Ritsu

He put the two letters into separate envelopes and marked them Takano San and one of them Private and left them by Takano's workspace.

He then made the phone calls to his authors. He tried to avoid looking over at Kisa, which was impossible seeing that they sat next to each other.

"Ricchan, are you… I'm sorry for listening to your phone calls, but are you really leaving _Emerald_?"

"I'm sorry Kisa. I won't blame you if you're annoyed. I- I just don't have a choice." Oh shit, the tears were coming finally. And he had to meet with Hasegawa in a few minutes. He couldn't show up with his eyes swollen and red.

"Ricchan, do you want to talk about it?"

"You can't tell anyone."

"Of course not."

"Well I have an interview first with the Literature department. I'm trying to get a transfer, so I won't have to leave Marukawa. I can call you on your cell phone after, and then maybe we can meet for lunch. Is that okay?"

"Great. It's the beginning of the cycle so there shouldn't be a problem, and if Takano San complains, well, tough."

"Yeah. Shit. I can't be crying now. This is so screwed up. I need to calm down."

"Why don't you go to the bathroom and run some water over your eyes and then go down to Literature. If you do that, hopefully nobody will notice."

Onodera went to the bathroom and washed his face. He peered into the mirror. His eyes looked maybe a little swollen, but it wasn't too obvious he had cried, especially for somebody who didn't know him.

Somebody came out of one of the stalls. Oh great. Just who wanted to see. Yokozawa San. He was going to be in trouble whenever he found out the bad news. Oh well. What he didn't know couldn't hurt him. Luckily for him the so-called wild bear seemed to be too distracted to notice him. Hadn't Yokozawa wanted Takano at one point? Well, he could have him, Onodera thought bitterly as he walked over to the elevators.

The interview or rather series of interviews went amazingly well. Hasegawa had been prepared so well it was almost like he was ready for him to leave. He had not only called Usami Sensei for a reference, but Sensei had sent in a glowing letter. It was so glowing, Ritsu wondered if maybe Sensei had had a memory transplant at some point. Onodera had probably annoyed him enough with his always bothering Sensei about deadlines. He wasn't going to complain though. The interviews went so smoothly, Ritsu almost thought he must be dreaming.

An hour letter he left the floor with a new office space and job in the literature department starting the week after next. Perfect. It was Thursday so this gave him over a week and he was going to need that to find a new apartment, not to mention a temporary place for the next few days. And forget thinking about how his apartment was in its usual state of mess and how he was going to move everything to his new place.

He thought of his lover's face and wanted to cry. They had so much history together. Why did it have to end like this? Except that this wasn't an ending. If Takano wanted to change than they could still be together. This was just a wakeup call. That was all; a painful but necessary wakeup call. If Takano really loved him, he'd do whatever he could to get Ritsu back, and if he didn't, well wouldn't that be proof that the guy didn't love him to begin with?

He called Kisa San and they decided to meet up at a new cafe a few blocks away.

Luckily the lunch rush hadn't started so he could grab a table and ordered a coffee while he waited. He wondered if he was doing the right thing, but who else could he speak to? An chan? Ever since they'd broken up, they hadn't really gotten back to their easy friendship. He didn't know Kisa so well considering they had sat next to each other at work, but he had heard rumors that he was not exactly the straightest person in the world. He had to take a risk, and maybe he had ideas about finding a temporary place to live while he looked for a new apartment.

"Ricchan!" Kisa was waving as he walked over to him.

"Hi. I'm sorry."

"Aah. What are you saying sorry for? It's fine."

They ordered lunch and as they were waiting Onodera tried to put his ideas together.

"I don't know if you know this. Well, I'm hoping you really don't know because we were trying to keep it secret, but Takano San and I were, well we weren't really dating but well we kind of were together."

"Seriously! Wow. I always thought something was up between you too." So much for trying to keep it secret.

"I don't want to make things weird for you, but I need to leave him and the department. You know we also live in adjacent apartments?"

"No. Oh that sounds like that could be either wonderful or a nightmare."

"Right now, it's not good. The interview went well, by the way and It looks like I'm going to be transferring to the Literature department a week from Monday. I can help with my authors, but I can't go back to the Emerald offices. I already left my resignation letter for Takano san."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Can you tell me what happened?"

"I can't really. I don't want it to be awkward for you since you're working for Takano San. I just can't be near him anymore. I need to leave. I also need to find a temporary place to stay while I find a new apartment. It's all so crazy. I can't believe this is happening."

"Let me think about the temporary place for you. Hmmm. I know a guy who works at _Japun_ who might be able to help. He's a nice guy and he lives with some rich guy and the way he described his apartment it sounded huge. You know him? Taka something. Takamura. No that's not it. Takada maybe? No, I know. It's Takahashi kun. You met him? He's a little shorter than you are, and he used to be a part timer, but he just receently started working full-time. We ended up becoming friendly."

Before Onodera could stop him Kisa was already tapping in the number. Kisa seemed to know everything about everybody.

"Takahashi kun? This is Kisa from Emerald. I have a favor for you. A friend of mine who works with me is having a crisis. He needs a place to stay. He hasn't told me, but it sounds like he has to leave an abusive situation." Onodera gasped. How had Kisa figured it out so clearly? "It would be a major help if you could let him stay with you. He just needs a place for a few days – max a week- hopefully until he finds a new apartment. You have to check with your landlord?" Kisa rolled his eyes while saying this. "Okay can you find out as soon as possible? Thank you thank you thank you!" He hung up the phone. "There."

"Thank you."

"Don't worry. By the way for the record he hasn't told me, but I can tell the landlord is really his boyfriend. He always blushes when he talks about him. It's this famous author. I wish I could remember his name. You're going to freak out when I tell you his name. He's that well known. Usui? No. Usuda? No. Takahashi keeps referring to him as Usagi san which makes no sense at all. Oh, whoever he is, he's super famous and super gay so that's good too. And-" He looked around to make sure nobody was in earshot. "Don't tell anyone but I've got a boyfriend too. So, don't worry about that part."

Kisa's phone rang.

"Ah, Takahashi! That was quick. I really appreciate it. He can stay? Thank you so much. I'll give him your contact information. What's your address? Kisa grabbed a napkin and had somehow retrieved a pen from who knows where. "Thank you so much."

Onodera gulped as he took the napkin with Takahashi kun's information. This was going to be awkward and embarrassing and horrifying, but anything was better than having to risk anything like last night happening ever again.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 - One

It was 5pm and as he sat in his new temporary lodging, he still couldn't quite believe everything that had happened. It hadn't helped that his host ended up none other than Usami Sensei. He had always been so careful to be professional with his authors. Given his current vulnerable state, the last person he wanted to see now would be someone he'd worked with before. This was humiliating. Although now he recalled how one time they'd both managed to get drunk -no, Sensei had gotten trashed, he'd only gotten tipsy- after the book that seemed to have taken forever was finally finished, and as brilliant as this author was, he was also the one who had the loosest handle on deadlines, so the need to celebrate had been real, and Sensei had gone on the one sided love he had with his best friend while Ritsu had tried to get him to be quiet because this whole gay thing was supposed to be a secret, and he'd ended up having to take care of a very drunk depressed Sensei. So maybe they were even in the favor department now. Luckily for him, Sensei seemed to understand what was happening and went out of his way to give him room.

From the sounds of it, Takahashi San must have shown up. Delicious smells of cooking were coming from the kitchen and he really needed to come down and introduce himself.

Meanwhile his phone hadn't stopped ringing since about 3pm. Takano hadn't left voice messages; instead he had opted to send more and more mail:

 _Ondoera? Where are you?_ Takano must not have seen the envelopes at this point.

 _You expect me to just accept this resignation note? So, you're going to be half-assed after all and give up?_ Give up? How long had he worked at _Emerald_ now? He frowned and started remembering all the reasons he was glad they broke up (although had they even been going out?)

 _Ritsu_. Ah. Now he switches to my first name. _I know l screwed up._ Oh, he does, Ritsu thought bitterly. _Just call me. Give me another chance. Please._

Several other mail messages with similar sentiments had arrived after that one every fifteen minutes or so. He hoped Kisa San hadn't been put in an awkward situation or how annoyed Hatori or Mino were when they found out all the extra work they'd be getting now that he had left so suddenly. He'd have to get them presents at some point.

But first things first. He needed to go and get newspapers and magazines and scour the ads and get something to eat for dinner. It was bad enough that he was using his former author's hospitality. It would be even more awkward if he had to sit down to dinner with them, even if the food was smelling delicious, and he couldn't remember the last time he had home cooked food. It was some sort of curry. When was the last time he had that? Maybe last new year's when he'd visited his family.

He took a deep breath and left the room and went downstairs. He couldn't believe the size of this place. This must be at least two huge duplex apartments rolled into one.

He saw a young-looking short man with dark brown hair in the kitchen. That had to be Takahashi. He'd vaguely remembered seeing him in the building. What was his first name? Oh yeah, Misaki. Takahashi seemed to sense him looking at him and smiled.

"Hi. I'm Takahashi Misaki. It's nice to meet you in person. I'm just making dinner. Please have some. If you'd be more comfortable eating in your room that's fine too. We always end up having too much and then Usagi San never wants to eat leftovers, so you'll be doing me a favor." Onodera decided not to ask why he didn't just make less food to begin with or where this ridiculous Usagi nickname came from.

"Thanks. It smells wonderful. Maybe I'll take you up on that. I'd like to eat in my room." Okay, so he'd have preferred to disappear into a hole somewhere at this point, but the curry smelled even more delicious now, and it had been almost six hours since he'd eaten lunch with Kisa San.

"I got you some newspapers and magazines, so you can look up apartments. If you need any help with that, I have some time. My full-time job hasn't started, and I finished school. What are you looking for?" Wow. This guy was so on top of things.

"Thank you so much. I just need an 1LDR and close to the Chiyoda line to Murakawa." And hopefully in the opposite direction of my old apartment he thought so there would never be even the smallest danger of meeting Takano on the train to work. Tokyo was huge, but better than safe than sorry.

"No problem. Good luck with finding something good. So, you're one of the _Emerald_ manga editors?"

"I just transferred to Literature, but yeah. I was there for close to two years."

A short while later he was back in his room with a steaming bowl of curry. It was delicious and had that comforting homey taste. He took the magazines and started circling possible places. Meanwhile the mail from Takano had finally tapered off. Except there were also missed calls from Nao. It was probably him wondering where he was. Well that was one thing he didn't have to worry about any longer. If he wasn't at his apartment and about to move out, he couldn't exactly let him stay. He'd have to call both him. And he'd have to call Takano San as well.

In the background he could hear his hosts argue. He was amused at how candidly the younger man spoke to Usami Sensei. And he wondered again where Usagi came from. Takahashi Kun's voice carried. "Baka Usagi! We have company!" Sensei's low voice was quieter, and he couldn't make out what he said but it seemed to do the trick. The younger man sounded a lot calmer although what he heard didn't really make sense. "You can have your refill when you've finished your deadline tomorrow!" Whatever _that_ meant. Somehow Ritsu figured he wasn't talking about coffee, though.

It sounded like Sensei was doing well, and if this Takahashi Kun wasn't just a tenant, then maybe he'd finally gotten over that straight guy he'd gone on and on about that one time. Sensei had been a surprisingly depressed drunk, once he had taken the shocking quantities it had taken to get him drunk in the first place. Not that Sensei's love life was his business or anything. It did provide a distraction from his mess of a love life. He really wasn't looking forward to speaking to Takano.

He glared at his phone and decided to call Nao first.

He picked up right away.

"Ritsu, where have you been? I went to your apartment and you weren't there."

"Ah… Hi. Something happened and I'm not living there right now. I'm moving out."

"Really? Don't tell me things went sour with Saga Sempai?" Why did he sound so excited?

"I don't want to talk about it, sorry. I have to go now."

"Okay, but if you want some company let me know. I guess I'll have to rent a hotel room now."

"You'll probably be more comfortable anyway."

"Yeah. Given the state your apartment usually is you're probably right. Talk to you later. If you need to talk later I'm available."

That had been surprisingly easy for the most part. Onodera took another big breath and let it out slowly. Now time for the torture.

Or maybe not? No. He could do this. He was a mature adult. He could handle a simple phone call with the guy who messed him up more than anybody else ever. The guy he loved. Now that it was over it was so clear how he felt. How was he going to live without seeing him every day? Had their relationship been doomed to disaster from the beginning?

He looked at the recent calls list and pressed one of the entries.

He felt his heart race as he waited for Takano to pick up and was surprised it went to his voice mail. Well, he had tried, and this way was a lot easier. Okay so it was only delaying the inevitable, but a little procrastination never heard anyone.

"Uh… This is Onodera. I - uh was calling-"

The ring signaling a call coming in made him jump. Takano had seen the missed call and was already calling back. Oh great. He switched to the new call. Why was he starting to feel nauseous?

"You called me." What was it about his voice? He'd never heard Takano sounds so vulnerable. He started to feel himself weaken. He was pretty sure he loved this guy despite everything that happened.

"Well, you called me a lot and left messages."

"You left me a resignation note and haven't returned to your apartment. I was worried." He was worried. He loves me. Onodera started to think he was making a huge mistake. Then he remembered last night and shuddered.

"I need a clean break."

"Why?" Why? He was asking _why_?

"Takano San, you know what you did last night. You hurt me. You crossed a line that nobody should cross. All this time you've said you love me and then you do… _that_."

'I know I made a huge mistake."

"You think so? And I was this close… this close… to… anyway I always wanted to work in literature, so it made sense to look for a transfer and as it happened, they had an opening. I feel bad, but I had to do this."

"Huh? You want to throw everything away because of one mistake I made?"

"See? This is exactly what drives me nuts about you! You don't understand! This wasn't just one mistake. This was one huge colossal mistake! You hurt me! You hurt me _badly_!" He realized he was starting to scream but couldn't manage to stop. Oh great. Sensei and Takahashi kun were probably getting an earful now. One more thing to be embarrassed and awkward about tomorrow.

"Look, I know this. I feel horrible. All I'm saying is don't throw everything out. You're blowing this out of proportion. Just give me another chance and I'll prove to you that-"

"Just give you another chance for you to rape me again? Because Nao freaked you out? Even though I told you I wasn't interested in him? Using your strength and power to take me by force because you were upset about something that didn't even exist? And then you wonder why I'm so upset? This is what you call _love_?!" He had to stop screaming but everything that he was holding back for the past 12 hours was coming out now.

"You know what would have happened if he had stayed with you."

"Nao wouldn't have forced himself on me the way that you did! I need to hang up. I told you everything you need to know in the letter. You need to prove to me you've changed otherwise it's over forever. Goodbye!"

Onodera hung up, managed to change into pajamas, brushed his teeth in the adjoining bathroom, and escaped to the bed. The blanket was warm and comfortable. He finally let himself have the good cry he'd been desperate for all day.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 Unbreak My Heart

It had been a long day and Yokozawa was exhausted. He loved his job and he loved the mobility that was built into it, but he'd spent most of the day travelling to different stores and it was finally catching up to him.

He'd eaten dinner with Hiyori earlier and helped her with her homework, and now she was in bed. Kirishima was still at work. These ends of the cycle days were brutal. Who knew when he'd come home for dinner. He frowned. These two Kirishima powerhouses were getting more and more entrenched in his life and if he would have been forced to be honest, he'd would have admitted that his life was a lot richer as a result and it felt weird being in Kirishima's apartment without him around.

Lucky for him he didn't have to. He was practically a card carrying tsundure guy and it wasn't in his nature to admit that to anybody. It was torture enough just admitting it to himself.

He took a bath and changed into a long-sleeved tee shirt and sweatpants, took a beer out of the fridge, picked up a magazine and flipped through it. His phone rang. It was from Marukawa. It must be Kirishima calling. He sometimes got weird and needy on these long sleepless nights when he was in a race against time to finish up the magazine.

"What is it now, Zen?" He purposely sounded annoyed while calling his lover by his first name, which would be a nice tease, because Zen was always playing with him, and Yokozawa tried to make the playing field even when he could.

"Eh? It's Takano here." Oh, crap. And he sounded like hell. What was _he_ doing calling randomly? _Emerald_ 's cycle had just started.

"Masamune? What happened?"

"He left me." That asshole Onodera. Why was he not surprised?

"What did he do? He dumped you? What a bastard. He doesn't deserve a guy like you. Trust me. I knew right from the start what a jerk he was."

"You've got it wrong. It was me. It's all my fault."

"What are you talking about?"

"It's my fault. I - uh, it's hard to tell you over the phone. Can we meet somewhere? I'll buy you a drink."

"I can't right now. I'm not home. I'm babysitting."

"Ah you're playing Mama Kirishima again?"

" _Excuse me_? Don't call me that!"

"Sorry. Just can I come over? I - need to talk to you." He sounded so vulnerable and needy and so very unlike the usual cocky and confident Takano. Then he remembered how Kirishima told him once how sensitive he thought Takano was and how easily he could go down. Well Masamune wasn't going to go down now if he could help it. He wasn't his oldest and best friend for nothing.

"Yeah, come over. Kirishima isn't here. It's the end of the cycle for _Japun_. I'll just tell him you're coming over and you have to be quiet because Hiyori is sleeping." He gave him the instructions on how to get there. "If you leave now, you should have enough time to go to your apartment to get clothing and then come over. You can stay in the spare bedroom." Kirishima was going to be pissed off enough as it was with this arrangement with the way his jealous mind worked, so at least he could sweeten the deal by staying in his bed tonight. He already suspected his lover would find ways to get his payback.

After that he texted Kirishima.

 _Zen. It's me._ (Okay, that was stupid. Who else would be texting from this phone number) _Don't freak out._

The answer came back rather quickly. He could feel the stress radiating from the words.

 _Is there any reason I should be freaking out?_

 _Sorry. I pressed send too quickly. Takano's been dumped and he's coming over. Nothing's going to happen. He's staying in the spare room. I'll stay with you. Again. Don't freak out. Nothing's going to happen. He just needs me as a friend and I want to help him out._

 _You're such a tease. Only you would voluntarily sleep in my bed when you know I won't be making it home until 2 or 3 in the morning. Seriously though I trust you. You're such a good guy. Also, I'm sure you'll make it up to me somehow. (:_

 _Yeah. I figured you'd say that._

 _Got to go. Ijuuin Sensei is having a meltdown. Again. Only three more days to go! I miss my bear. XXXOOOXXX_

Yokozawa caught himself smiling and then frowned again. There. That was better. It had been good becoming close to the Kirishimas although he felt a little worried that Takano seemed to have figured everything out even in his sorrow. Mama Kirishima indeed.

He wondered what had happened with his friend and Onodera. Now that he wasn't in love with his best friend is much easier to view them without too much bias. It was crazy. Masamune had told him last he thought they were getting closer and now, when he'd called he'd sounded bereft. Coulld the same thing have happened again as what happened ten years ago? That couldn't be the case, surely? Oh well, he'd find out soon enough.

There was light knock on the door.

"Yokozawa, hi. I'm sorry for bothering you."

"It's okay. Come in. Take off your coat. I'll heat up some food. Have a beer."

"Thanks."

They talked about work and other casual topics while he heated up the food and retrieved a beer. It was good he'd heated up the leftovers. There was more than enough, and Takano was clearly hungry. He waited for his friend to eat a bit before bothering him with questions.

"So, want to tell me what the hell happened?"

"Well, I told you about this asshole Onodera knows who always makes a point of calling me Saga San to show he knows who I am?"

"Yeah."

"Well he told Onodera he liked him. Onodera said he wasn't interested in him anything except as a friend."

"Sounds familiar."

"Yeah. Except that you're a good guy as opposed to this creep. So even after that he asked Onodera if he could stay at his apartment and you know what he wanted from Onodera. He's basically asking to sleep with him, and Onodera being the wishy washy can't say no guy he is, told him okay."

"Got it."

"So that's when everything went crazy. You know how last night was rainy. We were together on the train talking about a project we were supposed to do. Then we made a run for it to try and get out of the rain as quickly as possible Everything was fine. Then _he_ showed up and told me not to bother Ritsu and I lost all control."

"What happened exactly?"

"I forced him, he was telling me to stop. Shit. Why didn't I just listen to him?"

"What are you saying? Please tell me you didn't rape Onodera San." Oh shit. This could be bad news.

"He didn't want it and I forced him. I'm a complete asshole aren't I."

"Shit! Masamune! What the hell?"

"I don't know how he managed to do it, but he already got a transfer to literature and he hasn't been back to his apartment and didn't answer my messages or calls. When I got to my apartment to get my clothing, he finally called me back, but it was a disaster. I'm an asshole. I know this. I don't know how to have a normal relationship with anyone. Even Sorata. Even Sorata you took back. I can't even take care of a fucking cat!"

"Masamune, you're not an asshole. You made a mistake. It's a huge mistake. It's bad and we both know it, but we both know you're a good person. You need some help. That's all."

"Yeah. I'm so screwed up I need to see a shrink. I'm so screwed up. He was so close - we were so close to things becoming good too."

"You've never done something like this before?"

"Never! No. I mean there was a couple of times when he was a bit confusing, but he's a tsundere. He doesn't tell me what he's feeling at all. He hides it all. I thought it was so obvious we were meant to be together because what are the chances that I'd be his boss and he'd be living right next door to me? It had to be that we were meant to be together, but now I know it's just another reminder of what a useless screw up I am as a human being. Who the fuck cares that I can make a magazine successful if I can't make this work with him?'

"I don't know what to say. I'm shocked, but you're not alone. I'll help you get through this.

"Thanks.. Well. I think I'll take advantage of that guest bedroom if you don't mind."

"Yeah it's fine."

"Mind if I take a bath?"

"Not all. Go ahead."

Oh crap. What was going to happen to Masamune? The only good thing in the picture was he seemed somewhat stable aside from the self-denigrating junk he was spouting. Maybe Kirishima knew a professional who could talk to him. He'd told him he'd had therapy after losing his wife.

He headed to bed and got comfortable after texting Kirishima good night, and if he did happen to inhale the aroma of his lover in the linens, it had been a _complete_ accident and it had certainly not been an attempt to comfort himself at all.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 - If I Were a Seme

"Richhan, it's a good thing you weren't here today. Takano San was really pissed off. It felt like it was the worst end of cycle day in the history of end of cycle days."

"Aren't you forgetting that I'm the guy who made him this pissed off? I'm sorry you had to pay for it."

"It's not your fault. Well it is, but you did the right thing. How are you doing?" One thing nice about Kisa San was he quickly passed over the painful points and moved on.

The two of them were sitting in a cafe near Books Marimo. Kisa San had told him it was a best kept secret and an excellent place to go if you wanted to be alone.

It was good to have somebody to talk to. He couldn't really talk to his hosts. He barely knew them, despite having worked with Usami Sensei for at least a year. He couldn't talk to Nao. That would just make things worse. He didn't really have anyone else to confide in. He imagined how Yokozawa might be responding to all this. Takano must have told him. He was surprised he'd hadn't called to berate him yet.

"I'm feeling a little odd. It's like I've moved into somebody else's life if that makes sense at all."

"I guess so. That sounds so surreal."

"Yeah. That's it. Like this isn't really happening to me even though I know it is. How did it work allocating my authors? They seemed okay when I apologized. Do you know if I'm needed? I'm available if it's not Takano calling and doesn't involve me going to the Emerald offices. I know that sounds petty."

"It doesn't sound petty at all! It's okay. Hatori and Mino are fine. We each took over one of your authors and they've been trying extra hard to get their work in on time, so it hasn't been bad."

"What did you end up telling them?"

"That you had had to leave Emerald personal reasons immediately. Mino seems oblivious. I have a feeling Hatori San knows it has something to do with Takano San. Well if he didn't, he's got to know now. Seriously. Today has been unreal. I'm surprised he still has working vocal chords."

"Sorry."

"Oh, Richhan, I told you. It's fine. We've been through worse. Don't feel bad. Also, we're getting a new editor from Sapphire. She's starting Monday."

"Wow, so will it be the Maiden Club anymore?"

"What a ridiculous name. Technically, she'll be the only maiden in the group. Did you find an apartment yet? My friend and I can come over to help you move if you need."

"Thanks. I might take you up on that. I have no clue how I'm going to get moving done and I'm dreading going to the building in case I see him there. I've found a great place, though. It's a few stops from Marukawa so that's good. The building is in good condition and the apartment's a nice size, but just moving in is going to hurt. I need two month's rent for a deposit not to mention the key money plus the broker fee and probably something else I'm forgetting. I think I might have found somebody to take over my lease at least so I won't have to pay twice the rent.

"Wow. I forgot how much it cost to move."

"It's going to be worth it though."

"Anyway, let me know if I can help with anything move related. If it doesn't work out with the person taking over your place, I know somebody who might needs a place. Can I give him your phone number?"

'Yes! Thanks! You're amazing, Kisa San."

He spent the rest of the day packing up his belongings. It would take a good six hours more at least to pick everything up. He then went to the realtor and finalized arrangements to move into the new apartment. He tried not to focus on how much money he was spending on this. Then he went back to the Usami / Takahashi residence. They made the strangest couple but somehow it worked. Not that they'd said anything, and Takahashi seemed to be going overboard to make it seem like their relationship was strictly landlord and tenant, but it was so clear the way they interacted they were in a committed relationship. Or maybe Onodera just saw committed relationships wherever he saw as if to say, 'this is exactly what you do not have. Want it? Of course, you do. Well too bad you had no clue how to even talk to the guy you liked, and he ended up raping you. Yeah that's the type of relationships you get.'

What was wrong with them? Why weren't they able to have a normal relationship with dating, courtship and then sex? Why had everything been so mixed up? From the beginning it had been almost like Takano had been daring him to fall in love. What had the man said? That he was going to "make" him fall in love? What sort of relationship could come up from something like that? It was like he regressed when they were together. Except this wasn't school anymore. They were adults.

What was worse was he was missing this man. He missed his voice; even the way he yelled out his name. "Onodera!" It was interesting how he never yelled that way to any of the other editors. Takano loved rolling up some paper and bonking him on the head with it. That also seemed to be something he saved for him alone. He could hardly imagine him doing it to the new editor they got.

He tried to recall what made him fall in love the first time. What had drawn him to the older student? Part of it was attraction. The guy had been gorgeous, and part of it was the way he looked so vulnerable in the library. Something about him had grabbed him until he didn't even think how odd it was that they were both boys anymore. He just wanted to be with him. Had that been love? Probably not even though it had felt like it, but what had he known when he was 15 years old?

How had the 17-year-old sad vulnerable looking teen grown up to become the man who had given him so many mixed messages and then finally hurt him in the worst way possible?

He had to get his mind off that night. What had been the weirdest is how the next morning Takano had gone out of his way to make him food and put it in the fridge for him. Like nothing had happened the night before. Or maybe it was his way of apologizing? "Sorry for violently forcing sex on you. Here's breakfast."

He really had to think of something else other than this man.

He grabbed his dvd player and some good dvds and stuffed into the smaller duffle bag he'd packed to take back to his temporary abode.

He picked the wrong time to come back to his hosts.

Well, he'd been right about them being in a relationship. The two men were on the couch. Sensei seemed to be trying to divest Takahashi of all his clothing and mostly failing.

"Usagi that's so good. No! Wait! Baka Usagi! What if Onodera San sees us?"

"I don't care."

Well that was awkward. It was a miracle they hadn't already noticed him. He was planning how to get to the stairs without them noticing when Takahashi saw him and looked like he was going to faint. He jumped up and ran to the kitchen, grabbed an apron and started washing his hands. "Usagi was just helping me find my contact lens. I'm going to start making dinner." He smiled brightly. Yeah. right. Contact lens. And if he was missing a lens how was he going to be able to cook? Well the important thing was to help him save face and pretend obliviousness.

"Got it. I hate when that happens. I went to the realtor and finalized the lease for the new apartment."

"Ah. I found somebody who could move you. If you want help packing, I'm available tomorrow afternoon like around 2."

"Wow. That's so generous of you, Takahashi kun." He needed to say no. He'd stayed in his home, eaten his food and now was going to take his labor for free? Instead he said thanks and found out more about the mover.

Now he just had to get past this feeling that he was living somebody else's life.

 **I was searching for break up songs and discovered "If I Were a Boy" by Beyonce. Just change 'boy' to 'seme' and 'girl' to 'uke' and it's amusing how well it works.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 - A Sweet Taboo

 _Three months later_

"Onodera, did you get a hold of Ohtani yet?" It was his supervisor was checking in. She was nice but maybe a little too much on the nervous side? This was the second time she had come to him for an update on Ohtani.

"Yes. She's working through the edits we discussed and should be sending me a revised copy by Monday." It was end of another week.

"Great. Any luck with the pile?" The pile was the submission pile which the editors all combined tried to plow through when they had some spare moments.

"Every time I think what I'm reading could be a hidden gem it's usually because I've been reading them too much."

"Yeah. Been there. I think I've finally found a winner and then I re-read it a few days later and usually I wonder what I was thinking."

Onodera was finally starting to finally get used to the new schedule. He had assumed that going to a more regular normal schedule would be easy, but he was surprised to find himself missing the rushed deadlines and even hell week. Well, he didn't miss falling asleep in the genkan and his apartment turning into a complete dump, but he had gotten used to the gratification of seeing his authors' works come out monthly.

The good news was that although his apartment was still messy, it hadn't gotten anywhere close to the disaster area it had been way too regularly when he was a manga editor, and he had time on the weekend for himself, he was finding himself bored.

He was feeling so restless that on a whim he signed up for a beginning tennis class near his building because why not? He was a new man and he'd done pretty good at tennis in school or maybe that was ping pong?

Before he knew it, he was standing rather awkwardly in what he hoped was passable tennis attire. He'd even purchased an inexpensive racket. The only problem was there were only two people there and they seemed to be the teachers. They were whispering to each other. Probably about their idiotic student who didn't know how to check a schedule correctly no doubt.

"Uh… I'm here for the tennis class? Am I too early?"

Then one of the men turned to him and Onodera wondered how a guy so good looking could exist. The guy looked perfect. He was maybe five or six cm taller than he was and dripped gorgeousness. Or maybe it had just been way too long since he'd been in a relationship, even as weird as his relationship had been. Whatever. He could just enjoy being the presence of someone this insanely good looking who was almost certainly straight.

"It's okay. You're only 15 minutes early."

"Ah. Sorry."

"It's okay. Have you played tennis before?"

"Uh… it was funny because I thought I had in high school, but now I remember it was ping pong."

"That's good. They're related a little. My name is Suzuki Akira."

"Ah, I'm Onodera Ritsu."

"Nice to meet you."

"You must have played tennis a long time." Onodera hoped he wasn't drooling.

"You could say that." It was the other instructor, who had come over and looked like he was going to laugh. "He only took gold at the Olympics in singles."

"Oh, please. That was a long time ago. Are you going to mention that to everyone who comes here?"

"Well it is the truth. Don't be so humble."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. It looks like people are coming now, so let's get to work."

"Work it, baby." That was weird. He'd said this in perfect American English and winked at the other man. Onodera didn't really get it., but by the looks of it Suzuki San had. Was he blushing? Probably not. This guy was hot though, but he had to be straight, because that's how the rule worked didn't it? Anyway, it wasn't like he was looking for a date. He was waiting for Takano to get his crap together, because he loved him. Still. It wouldn't hurt if he just gazed at him discreetly. He probably looked amazing naked. Shit. Where had that come from? A few months of not seeing Takano and he was acting like a pervert.

He tried to concentrate on the lesson. He was remembering why he hadn't enjoyed tennis in high school.

He did enjoy the few times Suzuki San helped him with this stance by standing behind him and putting his hands over his with him to show him how to hold the racket, but that had less to do with the enjoyment of tennis and more to do with being so close to this desirable man. He let himself enjoy it and asked for help a few more times. Why not? The guy seemed oblivious, and hadn't been that busy with the other students, and he was never going to see him again so what was the harm?

It was only at the end of the session that he was worried he might have overdone it. As people got ready to either go change in a locker room, Suzuki headed towards him. He suddenly panicked. He had been too obvious hadn't he. The guy was probably offended and disgusted. He could hear it already:

" _I'm sorry, sir. But I'm going to have to ask you to stop sexually harassing me. I'm calling security."_

"Hello? You there?"

How long had Suzuki San been there saying hello to him? Talk about embarrassing.

"Oh, sorry! I was so deep in thought I didn't hear you!"

"Yeah, I could tell. It's okay." Suzuki looked around him and lowered his voice in what must have been an effort to make sure nobody else could hear. "At the risk of sounding like a total weirdo, I'd really like to get to know you better. I know this is also a little sudden, but would you like to go out to dinner with me tonight?"

Onodera wondered if he was still in dreamland. Wow. This guy had more confidence in one of his fingernails than he had in his entire body, and he not only wasn't calling security but he wanted to take him out for a _meal_?

"Well, yeah, sure. That would be nice." In a haze he exchanged phone numbers and made tentative arrangements to meet at an inexpensive Italian restaurant nearby at 7:30.

He went back home and took a long bath. He'd have to tell Suzuki about his situation with Takano. But maybe Suzuki wouldn't mind a friendship with maybe something extra added in as a bonus, because why not? He was a normal guy and he had a healthy appetite.

So even as he freaked out inside wondering how he'd gone insane because this was so not him, the other part of him decided who freaking cares. It was like that strange book by Murakami Haruki he'd recently read where the characters were transported to an alternate world and were stuck there. After reading it he'd wondered what falling into an alternate world would be like. Maybe it would be like this. He didn't care. He liked this guy Suzuki. He seemed friendly.

Was this the first normal date he'd ever prepared for? The only dates he'd had with Takano and usually happened unexpectedly. Attire for those excursions usually involved a hoodie and whatever else he happened to have on. He chose a simple oxford shirt with chinos and a v-neck sweater. He looked good.

It was good to be thinking mundane things like what to wear and if he should be on time or a few minutes late. What kind of guy was this Suzuki San? He was behaving so irresponsibly and he couldn't care less.

Whatever. He was going with this. He tried to radiate a confidence he didn't quite have as he stepped into the restaurant a minute and a half past 8 only to find Suzuki had arrived there right before him.

They had ordered and were enjoying the bread. Who knew that dipping bread into oil and balsamic vinegar could taste so good? He'd seen Suzuki do it and figured why not try it.

"So, I was worried you'd think it was a bit of perv when I invited you."

"Why is that?" He wanted to check if this guy wanted what he thought he wanted. Suzuki was so expressive. He was rolling his eyes at him.

"You seriously don't know why? It's because I think you're hot. Oh great. I guess I wasn't clear. Please don't be freaked out. I'm glad we went out to dinner anyway. You seem interesting-"

"No worries. I understand you. I was just being careful in case I was wrong, because -uh- you're the one who's hot." He felt himself start to blush. Why did he have to blush so easily? And how funny was it that they both thought the other had been straight?

"Oh? Thanks. Has anyone told you your eyes are breathtaking?"

"Not really, no."

"Well they are." Suddenly he had a vision of Takano and started to feel a tiny bit guilty.

"Ah! I need to tell you. I had a bad break up a few months ago. I'm not seeing anybody, but I told my ex that I might take him back. It's hard to explain. We're definitely not seeing each other now."

"Got it. But you're interested in maybe a friendship with some added benefits added?"

"Uh… yeah, actually that sounds exactly what I'm looking for." What the hell was he saying? This guy was talking friends with benefits here. This was so not him. The only reason he was acting this way were the attack pheromones that only gorgeous athletic guys could radiate. This was so not him.

"That's fine. So, uh… so when I was a kid, I lived in California for four years." Maybe that explained his easy-going casual aura. "And in America they have the funniest names for chicken." Okay. This was not what he was expecting. "They call them tops and bottoms. The breast is the top and the legs and wings are bottoms. I don't know why but when I'm going out to dinner with guys, they always order bottoms for me." No freaking way. He did not just say what he think he just said. "I'm just wondering what type of the chicken you like." Okay. He seriously was talking about positions in bed at a restaurant and if anybody overheard them, they would have no clue what they were really talking about.

"Uh…" He found himself giggling nervously. "That's an interesting question. I only uh… ate chicken with one person ever. And he always ordered bottoms for me." How he managed to get through that sentence without laughing hysterically was a miracle.

"I've discovered something amazing. It's nice sometimes having tops and sometimes bottoms. It's healthier that way." Wink. This guy was something else.

"Ah. I never thought of that possibility before."

"You should try it. I bet you'd enjoy it a lot." Okay he really didn't want to visualize this right now.

"Ah. Okay." He needed to change the subject fast. "So, do you often teach tennis?"

"Almost never. I was subbing for a friend of mine."

"Ah. You must be a pro. Do you compete a lot? I bet you travel all over the place." He noticed Suzuki's face fall and quickly steered away from the disaster. "I'm an editor at Marukawa Shoten so the only travelling I get is maybe going to an autograph signing with an author."

"I never went pro. It's a long story. Maybe another time." The assumption being if there was another time. "That's really funny that you work at Marukawa. I'm supposed to be publishing my memoir there. I really need to get working on it. My editor isn't so pleased with me."

"Most editors aren't pleased with their authors."

"Which department are you in?"

"Literature. I just moved a few months ago. I was working in Shoujo Manga before that. That was the most hectic job I've ever had."

"That must have been a rough transition going from manga to literature."

"Actually, the rough transition was going from literature to manga. Before I worked in manga, I had worked at Onodera Shoten in Literature for three years."

"Ah."

"Before you ask, my father owns the company."

"You don't sound so happy about that."

"My mother has been pressuring me about inheriting the company for years now. Luckily my father is more practical. He told me he has some ideas, but he hasn't told me what they are yet, so I'm not going to worry."

"Got it. So, you've got publishing in the blood." Well hat was one way to describe his predicament.

Suzuki insisted on paying for dinner and Onodera had the feeling he shouldn't argue.

"So, is your place nearby?" Suzuki asked as soon as they were out the door.

"Yeah. It's close." Was this really happening? "Do you normally ask people you've just met about sex by the way?"

"Hahahahah. Sorry."

"I thought I was going to start laughing the whole time."

"I really meant what I said though especially the last part." What was the last part? Oh yeah. 'You should try it. I bet you'd enjoy it a lot.' Ritsu felt himself start blushing. "Sorry. My friends are always saying I don't know when to shut up."

"It's okay." He started laughing and Suzuki joined in. They got on the train and before he knew it, they were at his place. It was messy but compared to his days at _Emerald_ it was practically spotless. If this guy was a clean freak, though, he probably would be horrified.

They had barely finished taking off their shoes in the genkan when Suzuki had grabbed him and started running his arms through his hair and kissing him. Then they fell on the piles of clothing which he'd dumped on the couch and he started laughing.

"Sorry. I just did my laundry and didn't have enough time to move it. Okay so I did, but I didn't realize I'd be having company."

"It's fine. Are there piles of clothing on your bed?" How had Suzuki's voice gotten so low and sexy?

"No. It's fine. It's clean too. I just changed the sheets and -" this guy was so assertive, and he was an amazing kisser as well. He envisioned Takano one more time and forced the image away. He was single, and he could do what he wanted, and he wanted this now and he was going to stop thinking of anything but enjoying himself.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 It Takes Courage to Enjoy

Onodera woke up thinking he hadn't slept so well in years. He felt strong arms around him and his first reaction was _Takano San? Again?!_ Then he woke up more fully and remembered who he was with, and how it had been his choice to be there, and how good it felt. The alarm went off. _Get out of bed_ , he told himself, even as he reached over to press snooze. Meanwhile Suzuki San seemed to be holding on tighter. So, he was that type of guy? Takano had also had this need to hold on tight to him when he was sleeping. Takano. Why was he thinking of him again? He'd just been with another man, doing lots of exciting activities with him for that matter, so why couldn't thoughts of Takano San just _go away_ for a little while?

"Mmm, let's hold each other more, Onodera San." Onodera couldn't tell if Suzuki was the type to talk in his sleep or if he was awake. He didn't know this guy did he. Kind of reckless of him. He found himself grinning to himself as his brain replayed the events of last night. The restaurant and how they'd gone back to his place because he had to work the next day and his place was closer to Marukawa, and that's when things had gotten a lot more exciting and more interactive than he'd ever experienced, and it had been so good. He'd always been used to Takano being in control for the most part except for that one time when he'd - he didn't want to think of that either. The point was, he'd been in the driver's seat, and it had opened a whole new level of pleasure for them both.

He really needed to get up and find clean clothing. It was Monday morning and his schedule hadn't changed even if he'd stayed up late having the most pleasure he'd had in his entire life. He nudged Suzuki trying to be nice about it.

"Suzuki San, sorry but I have to get ready for work."

"Yeah, I know. You're just so nice to be with." Suzuki opened his eyes and looked sleepily over at him and smiled. "I can't believe you've only slept with one guy before. You're a natural."

"You're kidding me. I had no clue what I was doing. You kept on, uh, helping me." He felt his cheeks warm up. He was not used to talking about bedroom activities. He went to the living room to find a clean outfit. He was lucky Suzuki had been so easy going about is messy couch, when he should have put away the laundry yesterday afternoon. He just hadn't been expecting Suzuki to be coming over. That guy was not only sexy, but so direct.

Suzuki had gotten up and had started to look for his clothing and seemed very comfortable walking around completely naked. Onodera was looking away to give him privacy, before he remembered they had both been naked and all over each other last night so what was the difference this morning? Maybe it was the difference between tipsy and sober? Not that he'd drunk that much last night but he was somewhat of a lightweight to begin with.

"Do you have time for breakfast? I can make it if you don't mind me taking over your kitchen," Suzuki asked as he finished putting on his shirt.

"You don't have to."

"I want to." What was it with men who wanted to cook for him? Not like he was going to complain.

"Thanks. If it's quick, that would be nice."

"I can make you a quick omelet with vegetables in less than ten minutes. If we had twenty minutes, I'd make tamagoyaki but this works."

"Wow. That is quick. I'd love that, thanks."

"It's nothing amazing. By the way, are you free next Saturday?" He sounded a little unsure of himself. Maybe he was wondering if this was going to be a one-time thing. But hadn't they exchanged phone numbers?

"Yeah. I am. What's happening?"

"In the morning I'm helping another friend at a tennis clinic for kids for a few hours, but after that I'm free. There's an exhibit I wanted to see at Bunkamura. You've been there before?"

"Not recently. That sounds nice."

"So, what I was thinking was we could meet there at 2pm, then afterward we could go to my place and make dinner together. I mean, if you like cooking. Otherwise we could go out to eat."

"I'm not so good at cooking, but if you don't mind, I'll be your sous chef. I'd like to learn."

"Okay. Then maybe you could also stay the night?" Onodera couldn't help thinking Suzuki was sounding a bit unsure for a guy who radiated so much confidence. But then again, he said he'd also had a bad break up recently. Maybe that had something to do with it.

"Yeah. I'd like that." He suddenly thought of the chicken metaphor from the night before and started laughing which led to Suzuki laughing as well.

"What is so funny?"

"I'm just thinking maybe we could make chicken. I'll have the leg - I mean the bottom - this time."

"Umm. Sounds nice. You're going to keep reminding me of this chicken conversation aren't you."

"Sorry, it just caught me by surprise. You never told me by the way, if you always talk about this with other guys or not."

"Believe it or not, I only came up with that last night. You inspired me."

"Well it was very inspirational."

With that he was handed a plate with toast and the omelet. How had Suzuki prepared all that so quickly? But then again, Ritsu was good at reheating miso soup and putting up rice in the cooker. Anything more was new to him. Okay he could also cut vegetables without hurting himself, but that was pretty much it, aside from heating food up in the microwave, but that didn't really count as cooking.

"Mmm. It tastes great."

"You really are in a hurry aren't you."

He must have looked weird, running and grabbing documents he needed and stuffing them in his case in between getting bites of food while calculating how much time he had before he had to go. It was a ten-minute walk to the train which came every ten minutes. If he left in five minutes, he'd only have a few minutes to wait.

"Yeah. Sorry. You can stay if you like. The door will lock behind you. I've got to run. Thanks." He smiled and ran to the genkan to put on his shoes and his coat, making sure to give Suzuki a smile before running out.

The week went by quickly.

He had been nervous about Maeda Ruri Sensei. She was a first-time novelist and reception for her novel could go anywhere from dismal to a best seller and anywhere in between. Marukawa was taking a risk here, and, therefore, so was he. Okay, he could go back to Onodera Shoten whenever he wanted. He had a feeling he'd be having to go back there eventually, but he wanted to go there with successes under his belt, not with his tail behind his legs.

It didn't help that he had found her in the dead pile, which was what they cynically called the submissions pile. It had stood out immediately for him. He showed it to his boss, who had been somewhat dubious at first, but after reading it, told him to go for it, but just getting through the first round of edits was taking forever even though Maeda Sensei was a dream to work with. He'd forgotten how much time it took to put out a novel.

Not for the first time did he think how different book editing was from manga editing. It wasn't like there were no deadlines with the novels, but they were spread out. They still had more than a month before the manuscript was supposed to finished, and that was a loose due date. He knew it could be pushed back a week or two. It was a lot of work but there the hours were so much easier. The real stress was how the novel would be received. If this flopped...

No. It wasn't going to flop. He believed in Maeda and he believed in himself as her editor.

He was so busy he'd almost forgotten about Suzuki San or even Takano San until Saturday came around and started packing his bag. It was a good thing he was going to Suzuki's apartment this time. Suzuki San. He was cute and fun to be with. He started smiling.

Then a vision of Takano looking bereft came into his head. Takano had loved him. And he had told him he'd have another chance, and yet he was messing around with someone he barely knew? Was he wrong? Maybe he should call Takano San up and see how he was doing?

Then an image flashed in his mind. Takano holding him down and forcing him, when he'd begged him to stop. He wished he could forget that night. Every time he envisioned this, he would feel like he was back there, trapped; at the mercy of somebody who had said they loved him.

Forget this. He was single, and he could make friends and yes, he was allowed to have fun in the bedroom too. He'd never promised Takano anything. The onus was on Takano San to prove he had changed, but was that a guarantee of anything? And if Takano had suffered for ten years, it hadn't exactly been a picnic for him either.

He liked Suzuki Akira, even though on paper they were so different on paper. He was exactly the type of guy he needed right now. Just thinking of him made him smile, and he felt comfortable around him. The lack of baggage was refreshing. It said something that he had always been awkward and nervous around Takano when they were alone together. It had been so strange and mixed up. He could barely have a decent conversation unless it was work related. He remember how stressed he'd been just trying to think of something to talk to him bout.

Still. He didn't know this Suzuki guy, he thought as they met up at the museum. He wondered if the easiness he'd felt the last time had been a fluke? But after the first awkward moments, he hadn't been nervous at all. There was so much to talk about. And they had a lot of the same interests in so many areas. Suzuki San had a way of setting himself at ease, while Takano always set him on edge, even while he had been attracted to him.

Even cooking was enjoyable, and he usually found cooking an exercise in doom and frustration. Okay, so Suzuki San had kept it simple, and he was a great teacher. His logic made sense. If you had excellent quality ingredients the rest took care of itself. Well, maybe not quite, but it made a difference. Also, his kitchen was outfitted nicely and his apartment, no, condo, was airy and clean and comfortable.

That night was the first time he kind of felt maybe he was out of his element. Suzuki was supposed to be the top, so he did what he always did with Takano San. He figured he'd let him take over, and the problem with being with someone so direct, was that he was really direct about his displeasure even as he tried to be nice about it.

Also, he wondered how he hadn't noticed the week before how much scarring he had on his abdomen and legs. What had happened him? Had he been in an accident at some point?

"Hey, Onodera? You're not going to just lie there, are you? I was hoping maybe for a little more interaction." Oh, shit. He'd messed up. He knew things had been going way too well.

"Uh, I just, uh, this is kind of how I uh usually do things."

"Got it. Your ex liked taking over?"

"Well, uh, yeah." Why did they have to talk about this? It was so _embarrassing_.

"How do I say this? I think you know by now that I like you a lot and I have a good time with you, but I don't think this is going to work." Oh great. They had just met, and he was saying goodbye already? It was ridiculous. If the guy wasn't going to work with him, then he didn't need him. Why was he starting to cry? Well, rejection hurt, even if it wasn't a boyfriend.

He got up and tried to find his clothing and blinked quickly to stop the tears.

"Wait, where are you going?" _Where does he think I'm going?_ Ritsu thought bitterly. "I think you misunderstood me."

"Well, you just said it's not going to work."

"Ah, man. I'm sorry. I didn't mean us. I like how things are. You're fun to be with. I think we do well together. I meant I'd like to change how we do things here. In bed. Will you let me help you?" Oops. He'd totally misunderstood him. Was he just about to do a replay of when he asked Takano if he liked him twelve years ago?

"Oh! Yeah. I'm okay with that. I guess I just sort of went and did what I was used to doing. I'm fine with something new. I mean, last week was definitely new and it was uh... wonderful." Great, more blushing.

"I understand. You're following the model you're used to. You're so cute, Onodera. I hope you don't mind me saying that. You blush so easily."

"Thanks, but I hate that I blush so easily.It's so embarrassing."

"I think it's sweet." It was weird, because he should be annoyed that Suzuki had called him cute. He usually hated it. But somehow… somehow, he liked it. "I hope you don't mind me being open, but I'm used to direct communication. I want you to be as direct as you can with me too. Okay?"

"I'm not used to it, but I'll try."

And just like that, the night improved a lot more.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 This Was No Ordinary Love

It was Wednesday at 7pm. It was that time again; for him to sit in in the waiting room at the waiting for his weekly therapy appointment. (well, mostly weekly. Hell week was impossible to schedule around). He'd already flipped through a magazine, noting all the problems it had. Sometimes it would be nice to get out of editing mode, but somehow presented with a anything written he might as well have had a red pen in his hand. Then he checked his phone. The office had seen better days. You'd think someone who charged 10,000 a session would be able to repaint the walls every so often, and the carpeting had also seen better days.

It had been just over four months since Onodera left him, and at least three months since he'd started seeing a therapist, and so much of it had been spent on things he already knew:

Like he didn't know his parents hadn't given him love and nurturing or how he'd never seen a functional marital relationship when he was a kid? Or not having friends or siblings didn't help either. He didn't need a therapist to tell him any of this crap. And there was also his non-existent ability to trust people probably because he couldn't trust the people in his life (read: his parents) when he was a child. Hence, him losing it when Nao had come on the scene. That manipulative bastard. He was probably having his way with Onodera right now. Why couldn't he have just trusted Ritsu? Why had he gone crazy when nothing had happened other than Nao trying to rile him up with his 'Saga San' bullshit?

At least this therapist was focusing on practical ways to help him control his anger problem. He was fine doing the exercises he'd been assigned. They mostly involved in helping him get through the day without yelling at anybody, how to realize when he was about to lose it and stop himself before he got there. It had worked surprisingly well. He'd even improved enough for his subordinates to openly notice, although part of him missed having the occasional sparring match with Yokozawa. Wasn't this a valid form of communication? He tried to pass that one off as a joke to his therapist and let's just say it hadn't gone well.

She was a huge improvement on the first person he'd seen who'd Yokozawa had told him to call because Kirishima San had recommended him, and there was a huge difference of needing therapy because your wife died and because you raped your boyfriend. Also, he was happy his best friend was in a stable committed relationship with somebody, but had it really been necessary for Yokozawa to talk to his lover about _him_? It hadn't helped that the therapist Kirishima had recommended had been so horrified she spent their only session telling him how lucky he had been how so few people reported rape in this country because he should be sitting in a prison cell right now. Then she had expected to get paid! She'd obviously had some serious baggage. He had been tempted to suggest she go to a therapist until he realized she was right. He really should be a criminal. It was rape, pure and simple. Had he really figured he could make Onodera breakfast the next morning and give him a hug and that would erase what he'd done? Would there be any way he could make amends for it? He'd caused so much damage in what? 5 minutes of what hadn't even been pleasure but more like a desperate need for control.

So here he was at the therapist looking at the cracks in the paint and the rumpled carpet that was coming out in places. Luckily it was close to the offices. He needed to go back afterward to correct Ichinose Sensei's storyboards and check the work the other editors had left for him. He looked at his watch and frowned.

Just over four months ago he had been smiling and laughing holding hands with Onodera in the rain and working on that project together and he had been so sure this was it. Onodera would get rid of his tsundere behavior and start acting open and loving to him and they could be a real couple. He tried to remember what ever happened with that project? Oh yeah, it had been shelved in the rush of trying to get the next issue out with one less editor. And Onodera was right to have left him. If he thought about it, if someone had treated him the same way he would have done the same thing.

Finally, it was his turn. His therapist was called Watanabe Valerie. He'd read a short biography on one of her promotional materials. She had grown up both in Kyoto and somewhat in Canada that wasn't Toronto or Montreal. At first, he'd been so sure this wasn't going to work, but shee'd been surprisingly easy to talk to, and if she think he belonged his prison, at least she kept it to herself.

"So, how was your week, or rather the last two weeks?"

"It was fine. I lost my temper with one of the authors, but I managed to stop it from blowing into anything huge."

"That's great. How were you able to do that?"

"I left the building and took a walk for 5 minutes." He thought about leaving out his primary motivation for leaving the building: because he had been in search of something to smash his fist into, but what was the point of hiding shit? I was looking for something I could punch without getting into trouble and couldn't find it."

"That's great. You left without yelling. It sounds like your company needs to install punching bags in your offices though."

"Yeah, I think a number of departments would benefit. By the way, I'm wondering. My ex told me he'd take me back if I proved to him that I wouldn't hurt him again. How can I even do that?" He still found it awkward being open about his ex being male, but the therapist had assured him everything was confidential.

"I'm not sure how to answer that because I'm not him. He most likely realizes that it's going to involve trusting you on his part, because there's no real way for you to do that without him giving you a chance."

"Got it."

"If it helps you, I do think you've come a long way, but you need to convince him of that."

All he knew was he didn't want to go back there; to where he was for ten years empty and pining for something he could barely understand. At least he knew better not to try and self-destruct. If it hadn't been for Yokozawa, he probably would have. He was lucky he never got an STD.

A week or so later he was stuck with a rare weekend with very little work waiting for him. He needed to get out. Maybe he'd go to Ni-chome and check out the scene, even though most scenes weren't really for him. At heart he'd never stopped being a loner. He was perfectly capable of socializing for work, but his ideal evening would be spent at home with one person, ideally, Onodera Ritsu, but it was four months already Still. He was bored and restless and there was no Onodera Ritsu coming over and keeping his bed warm.

He did a search on bars and nightclubs and chose one that looked vaguely interesting. He changed into some black jeans, a form fitting tee shirt and a light jacket and headed to the train.

On the way he thought of Onodera. What was he doing? He hadn't made any contact. Well, it was _his_ job to contact Onodera and convince him he'd not only never hurt him, and that he'd do anything for him. Hopefully soon he'd reach that point. Could he be almost there now?

Interesting thoughts for a guy who was going out of his way to try and meet somebody Well, it wouldn't be for anything serious. He just hadn't been with anybody in months and it was starting to drive him up the wall.

He got to the club, ordered a drink and sat down at a booth. Why he had he chosen somewhere so loud? Then again, it had been advertised as a dance club with a bar, so what else could he expect? Still, the place was way too small and packed. He tried to relax and lit a cigarette. A guy came over, but he wasn't his type. What his type anyway? Onodera?

Then things went downhill. That had to be Onodera across the room. He could recognize him anywhere. The man turned around. It really was him. Seriously. This was Tokyo. One of the largest cities in the world. What were the chances of this? Luckily, Onodera hadn't noticed him, and that's how it was going to be, because Onodera hadn't come alone. He was with another man. Well he wasn't Nao at least. This guy was shorter, not much taller than Onodera, and looked nothing like Nao. He also looked oddly familiar, but he couldn't place him. He concentrated on finding a good location where he could check things out without being noticed, which wouldn't be too difficult given how packed it was.

He watched them as they ordered and sat down. They looked like they were enjoying themselves. Had Onodera ever smiled or laughed with him like that? And wasn't this considered stalking? Like how Onodera used to do to him? What was he even thinking?

Well, who cares if they saw him. He'd pretend he didn't notice them. He went to the bar. He could also do the same thing as Onodera and find a guy to bring home. No. He'd go to a love hotel. That would be less complicated. He ordered a shochu and looked around. Maybe he'd find somebody. It was starting to bother him now. What _was_ his type? He knew what he liked in women but in men? He'd only been really attracted to Onodera. He still didn't know how he'd ever slept with Yokozawa. Just thinking of it made him nauseous. That had been like sleeping with your brother. Not that he ever knew what a brother was. Maybe he just didn't have a type when it came to men.

A tall emo looking guy came over to the bar. The guy was tall, lean, and dressed in all black. He had messy hair and was wearing boots with skulls as buckles. He looked sexy, like he'd stepped out of one of the weirder fantasy stories they'd run occasionally in _Emerald_. If this was a manga, he'd be a yokai or some other type of demon in disguise. He suddenly thought of a great story idea. A mangaka draws a demon of a man and he comes to life and claims to love her. Oh crap. He'd worked in Shoujo manga for too long if he was thinking of story ideas to pitch to his authors, when he was supposed to be finding a one-night stand. But Ichinose Sensei would love the pitch. She enjoyed drawing tall angular emo looking guys with multiple piercings and this guy fit the bill. He even had a leather jacket and what looked like a nice body as well, although a little too much on the lean side. And he looked nothing like Onodera.

The guy must have seen him appraising him and came over to him while smirking, which was somewhat of a turn off. His buckles were making weird clanking sounds as he walked. He looked like he was maybe 24 or 25.

"Hi. Can I buy you a drink?" He smirked right back at Mr. Emo.

"Sure. I'll have what you're drinking."

He ordered another shochu.

"And no I don't come here often, in case you were going to ask that?"

"No. I come here often, and I've never seen you before. Although in Tokyo you never know, right?"

"Right. Takano Masamune. I work at Marukawa Shoten."

"Ah. Fujiwara Keiichi here. I'm a grad student at Teito. I'm 24. What about you?"

"29."

"Nice. You're hot, Takano San. Interested in visiting a temporary residence with me for a bit?"

"Yeah. Sure. I don't have any- "

"No problem. I've got everything we'll need."

They finished their drinks and Takano and if Onodera saw them when they were leaving together, all the better.

 **NI Chome is a gay area of Tokyo in Shinjuku, included to make it sound like I actually know something about Tokyo.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 I Wish You Were a Fool for Me

Going home with a guy he'd only just met was probably not one of the smartest things he'd ever done. Wasn't he getting a little old for this? When he'd picked up men or women on a regular basis, he'd been in college and futilely attempting to block out the pain in any way he could. Now he was 29 and a manager of four subordinates. But something about seeing Onodera looking happy with another man made him just say fuck it.

So here he was with this emo guy. Fujisawa something. No. Fujiwara. Fujiwara Keiichi, who looked like he belonged in some alternative band, with his all black clothing and piercings in multiple orifices, but was He was a 24-year-old graduate student in microbiology at Teito. The guy had to be bright.

They'd gone back to Fujiwara's apartment in the end, which was better than bringing him to his own apartment, but not as good as a love hotel. Well, he could be flexible.

"So, you do this often?" Fujiwara had asked him after offering him a beer in his tiny studiio apartment. They both perched at the edge of his large bed.

"Not in years."

"Got it. So, what gets you off?" Okay. That was a lot more direct than he was used to. But then again, the only person he was used to was Ritsu, who was so tsundere he almost didn't even have the dere portion and would have probably preferred multiple root canals to telling him what the fuck he wanted. Not that Takano was bitter or anything. Onodera Ritsu. He remembered that horrible last night and not for the first time wished it had never happened. He looked up at Fujiwara who looked like he was wondering what was taking so long for him to answer.

"I want you to rape me." Because he deserved a lot worse than what he did to Ritsu.

"Seriously? That's pretty kinky." Fujiwara smirked at him.

"I want you to pretend to be a jealous boyfriend and you see me with another guy and even though nothing happened you assume the worst and rape me." Because then maybe he'd know what Ritsu had gone through. At least a glimmer.

"That's kind of specific and kinky as hell. Normally I only do consensual, but I guess this is consensual since you're asking for it. Heh. You asked for it." His smirk was starting to look creepy. "Well lucky for you I was into acting when I was in high school. Let's use false names. You're Shouta and I'm Tanaka. Because you're my kouhai and I'm your sempai so I get to call you by your first name. Just call me sempai." Fujiwara had jumped up and was now leaning over him in a slightly menacing way.

"Well _Shouta_ , I see that you were finally unfaithful to me with that good for nothing bastard. You knew he had a thing for you and you still let him come over. Well, I've had enough!" Shit. This guy was good. Fujiwara had seamlessly gotten into character, but the scenario was almost too close for comfort. Especially that sempai bit. And Shouta? Well it was a very common name, but he'd probably think of tonight whenever he looked at Kisa Shouta, and since he was his subordinate maybe not so good. Too late now. Time to get into character. He envisioned a 15 year-old Ritsu and how he used to talk in such a vulnerable way.

"Please, Sempai. Nothing happened. He just needed a place to stay and he's my old friend."

"He wants you and you know it." This guy should have been an actor. He was way too good as he stripped him. "Where did he touch you? Here?" He kept moving him around as he inspected his body for marks. Shit. Hadn't he done something like to Onodera once? Between that Haitani asshole and Nao…

He was concentrating so much on the past he hadn't noticed Fujiwara had handcuffed him to the bed. He instinctively tried to free himself even as he knew it was impossible.

"You're not going anywhere. You're way too strong for me to hold you down. You're going to finally understand that you're _mine_ and I'm not giving you to _anybody_!"

It almost felt like he was watching a movie about somebody else. It would have been ten times worse for Onodera though because it wasn't some stranger he just met. He had been the rapist; the one who had said so many times how much he loved him. He was beginning to understand why people cut themselves, so they could feel the pain. And he deserved much more pain than this.

The next morning, after he had found his clothing -the guy had acted like he was trying to fling his clothing in as many different places as he could, which was talented considering how small his apartment was. He had managed to get dressed in a semi-awake state.

Fujiwara had gotten completely dressed, but then again, he hadn't taken most of his clothing off to begin with and looked comfortable as he perched on one end of his couch in the small studio.

"So, why did you rape your boyfriend?" Shit. Had it been _that_ obvious?

"Don't look so surprised. You didn't come across like a guy who has rape fantasies. So how many times did it happen? And was it one of those guys you kept on looking at the club?"

"How - how did you figure all this stuff out?"

"I don't know if it comes from looking at a microscope all day, but I've become pretty good at deduction." Who was this guy? Sherlock Holmes? "Whatever. You don't have to tell me anything. You feeling okay though? Your wrists are a bit red from the handcuffs. Well I enjoyed myself. You were so tight. Let me guess. You're usually the seme?"

 _None of your business, asshole._ "I'm fine."

"I figured you'd say that, but as crazy as I acted, this isn't really my thing you know." Despite him having a pair of handcuffs? "If anything, I'm usually the one who gets locked up. Whatever. Want some coffee?"

"No thanks."

"Well I hope it helped although I'm guessing the answer is no."

Takano already knew the answer. What the hell had he been thinking? How was this supposed to make up for what he did to Ritsu? The only thing he got out of it was remembering how sex was a lot different as a uke. Especially with a guy who had been a crazed jealous maniac, even if it had all been an act. He had thought he'd been pleasuring his lover when they had been together, but had it hurt for him this much? The moans Ritsu had always tried to muffle had made him certain he must have enjoyed it. He remembered once how Onodera had gotten out of bed the next morning and fallen, because of his hips aching so much. He didn't think it could hurt but apparently it could if you weren't careful, and that last time he'd been anything but careful.

So, it was true. He was an asshole; A selfish bastard who only cared about himself, which is why Ritsu was already seeing somebody else. Although it must not be serious. Ritsu would have called to let him know he didn't have any chance anymore if it was something serious. Still. He'd seen how they were looking at each other last night. Espeically how this friend of Ritsu's looked at him; and it looked like a guy who wanted a lot more than friendship.

Well, had he expected Ritsu to just sit around for months waiting for him? Shit. He needed to act soon, or he was going to lose him forever.

And now he was stuck with a day full of 'fun' with the Kirishimas at the zoo. He still didn't understand why he'd agreed to tag along with them. The only thing he would get out of this was amusing himself with how couple-y Yokozawa and Kirishima were, and to annoy Yokozawa by purposely calling him Kirishima San, and the joke was getting a little old.

At least Hiyori would be there. She'd been awkward around him at first, but Hiyori adored Ichinose Sensei's manga and once she'd found out he was her editor, they'd become best friends. She was going to flip when she discovered Sensei was meeting them for an early dinner after the zoo.

Another good thing was how happy Yokozawa looked. On the surface he looked his usual self. But Masamune had known him long enough to know how he changed since he started dating Kirishima San. He saw it in how he treated Hiyori and the looks he gave Kirishima. Hiyori and him often cooked and baked together, and as he entered the genkan of the Kirishima apartment, he realized that Yokozawa had also become very adept at putting Hiyori's hair in a ponytail. If the sales department could see him now…

"Ah, Takano San. Nice to see you." _Yeah, right._ Kirishima was always friendly, but at the same time he always seemed like he was wary and distrustful of him. It was the usual 'stay away from my man' look. Hadn't the man gotten the memo that he'd been the one who had rejected Yokozawa a long time ago, or did his jealousy just have no bounds? It had been amusing at first. It was a side to Kirishima he'd never seen from their interactions in meetings at Marukawa, but it had quickly gotten on his nerves.

Why _was_ he tagging along with them again? Maybe because it was better than getting drunk and he'd already done one idiotic thing this weekend. One pointless and irresponsible thing this weekend. He'd be sore for days.

At the zoo, Hiyori became quickly attached to Yokozawa. He wondered if she suspected that her father and "Oniichan" were really a couple. Yokozawa in his hope for her not to suspect anything ended up acting more suspicious than he usually did. This guy was even more tsundere than Ritsu was.

It wasn't as awkward as he thought it would be walking with Kirishima. Well, it's not like they were strangers.

"So, how are things going at Japun? Your hell week is about two weeks after ours, right?"

"I thought your hell week never ended by the looks of things."

"Yeah, you could be right. Look." He looked around to make sure he was out of hearing range of Yokozawa, Hiyori or anyone else. "You don't have to worry about anything. I've never felt anything for Yokozawa aside from being grateful he's my friend. I was an idiot in college, and he saved me. He's obviously a lot happier since he's met you, and he's definitely over me."

"Ah. What's bringing this on?"

"The fact that you tend to look at me like I'm after him, and I'm not. I'm relieved we're back to being friends and that's it.

"Ah. I'm probably doing that without realizing it. My apologies." Like that was believable. Kirishima Zen wasn't the type of guy who just did things without realizing it.

"No problem." This was getting awkward and embarrassing. Maybe Kirishima was also paranoid because of what happened with him and Onodera? Shit. That stupid Yokozawa for telling Kirishima what had happened with him and Ritsu.

As if to make him feel worse, Yokozawa kept looking back at them, clearly wondering what they were talking about. Luckily, Kirishima being the skilled conversationalist he was, ended up bringing them back to safer topics like their authors chronically being late with their deadlines and other work-related discussion. The end of the year was coming which meant his birthday, something he could conveniently try and ignore, and the end of the year party, something he couldn't.

They finished their mostly forgetful walk through the zoo and then went to meet up with Ichinose Sensei in front of the restaurant.

When they arrived, Ichinose Sensei was chatting with another woman who looked vaguely familiar. Maybe she worked at Marukawa? It was ridiculous how most of the people he knew worked there. Aside from the Fujiwara guy from last night and that wasn't exactly going anywhere. She was shorter than Sensei with longish brown hair and a nice face. She was wearing a white buttoned-down shirt and a tan skirt that went a little below her knees. She had blueish-purple eyes. Nice Rack, he idly thought. It was odd checking out a woman after having picked up a guy last night.

"Hello Takano San, Yokozawa San, Kirishima San, and you must be Hiyori?" Ichinose smiled brightly towards Hiyori, but she didn't come across as fake. She was good at this. "I'm Ichinose Erica. I work with Takano San. This is a friend of mine who's also an editor, Eikawa Eri." Ah. So that's how it was. Sensei had been mentioning this friend of hers lately, and how she'd be perfect for him, but he always ignored it, and apparently, he had taken matters into her own hands.

"How is Usami Sensei doing, Aikawa San?" Kirishima clearly knew her already from somewhere. Ah. Of course. Aikawa was Usami Akihiko's editor. Ichinose Sensei had only told him at least five times already. Usami Akihiko. That brought back memories of when Ritsu had gone out of his way to find a magazine with Usami's stories in it and given it to him. It was before Usami Sensei had gotten famous, and they had gotten interested in his writing at the same time, back in the days when Ritsu happily said "I love you" to him.

"He's fine. Still late with his deadlines."

"He and Ijuuin Sensei had a joint interview once if I remember."

"Let's don't remember that one. Anyway, I was just saying goodbye to Ichinose San. It's nice meeting you Takano San. Hiyori. Nice to see you again Kirishima San. Give me a call later, Sensei." The last was to Ichinose who seemed to be looking at Aikawa with a dark look. Maybe she had anticipated Aikawa would stay longer?

Well, you couldn't force anything, and it was clear that Aikawa had been forced to come. He could imagine the conversation.

"Just come, Aikawa. You'll like him. He's a great guy" Or whatever stupid things women said when they were trying to fix them up with guys. He was surprised Aikawa hadn't handed him her business card, but if she was Usami Akihiko's editor, than she was almost certainly at Marukawa. That's where he published most of his books.

She looked interesting. He liked that fierce look in her eyes she had directed towards Ichinose Sensei as she left. That was something he'd always liked about Onodera. He had a fierceness about him. Shit. Why was he thinking of him in the past? Things weren't over yet, but while he was waiting, he could look her up and give her a call. Why not?

Why not? Maybe the question should be why? What purpose would it make? Maybe if he made it clear he wasn't being serious maybe she would sleep with him? No. She didn't seem the type for casual relationships. Not that he knew her, but maybe it was her conservative attire that gave him that idea. She seemed like the typical woman who wished she was married with kids, but life had had other ideas. He was not going to mess around with her. And he wasn't used to women anymore after being so focused on trying to get Ritsu back.

He had decided for sure that he wasn't going to call her up which is why he couldn't quite understand why he looked her up in the internal phone directory the next day at work and then rang her extension.

"Hi. Aikawa San?"

"Yes. Sorry. Who is this?"

"Ah, I met you yesterday. It's Takano Masamune. Please don't tell me Sensei dragged you to meet us yesterday?" More like me, he thought, but he didn't want to come across as egotistical.

"Well… maybe."

"She needs to concentrate more on her manga and less on her matchmaking."

"She doesn't even realize how transparent she's being either. You got it right away, I take it."

"Well, she was giving me these weird looks and signaling with her hands that she wanted us to talk."

"It's so mortifying. If she wasn't my best friend since middle school I wouldn't even have shown up. She's sweet. She wants to help me, but her idea of help seems to come from her manga plots."

"You might be right, although lately she's been getting into weird dark plots involving the supernatural, so I hope she doesn't try to bring that into reality."

"Well, I haven't told you this yet, but the literature editors at Marukawa are actually ghost hunters on the side. The ghosts of our angry authors come back to haunt us for making them meet their deadlines."

"And people say hell week is bad. At least we never hold exorcisms. But seriously, I'm sorry Sensei pulled you into her schemes."

"I should be apologizing to you, because she's done this to me before. She's on a crusade to get me married. Not that I don't want to, but her way usually does more harm than good. Anyway, it was nice talking, but I need to go after a certain author of mine who thinks deadlines are for other authors."

He was going to say goodbye. It was a nice conversation. Now back to reality. But she had intrigued him. He wanted to get to know her more.

"So, I feel a little weird doing this, but want to meet for dinner some time?" Some time. Shit he was a coward. Either don't ask her out or use something less vague like this week.

"Maybe. That would be nice. Is next week okay? Assuming I don't throttle Sensei with his manuscript?" It was something else how she said that while sounding so upbeat. But he knew what wanting to throttle someone with a manuscript felt like.

"Yeah. I'll call you Monday." Keep it casual, he told himself.

"Sounds good. Nice talking to you Takano San."

"Likewise, Aikawa San."

He was an idiot, but right now he didn't really care.

 **The title is from a song by Richard Thompson. I Wish I Was a Fool for You (For Shame of Doing Wrong)**

 **And Takano x Aikawa might seem a bit on the crackish side. Oh well. Enjoy it anyway. Or something.**

 **Meanwhile Nakamura Sensei redeemed herself a little bit with the wedding fair extra chapter featuring Yokozawa and Kirishima being the way a consensual couple should be. I just re-read it and Kirishima was talking about taking Hiyori to the zoo. I must have subconsciously been thinking of that when writing this.**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 You're My Thrill

It was Thursday at 8pm. Maeda's manuscript was finished completely. The book designers were almost finished. In a few months it would be in bookstores and available for purchase online. It was either sink or swim at this point. When he'd switched to Marukawa this had been his aim; to bring out a work of literature that would be a blockbuster both in terms of sales and in accolades, and he could be there.

He was with Kisa at a bar having a round or two. Since he'd confided him when he left Takano every month or so they'd either go out for drinks or have coffee, whenever they could fit it in their schedule. It had to be when Kisa wasn't busy but his lover Yukina was. Kisa had brought Yukina when he'd invited him for dinner soon after he moved into his apartment, but he'd met him previously a few times at Book Marimo where Yukina worked part time. They were a cute couple. They looked genuinely happy together.

Kind of like him and Suzuki San. Wait. Not like him and Suzuki San, because they were friends, so it was different. And not like him and Takano San either, who he didn't have to think about. Yeah, right. Like he wasn't hoping Kisa would be telling him how Takano was doing.

"So, Ricchan, how are things with your athlete?" Kisa was an incurable gossip, and he'd loved hearing about this new man of Onodera's, and conveniently ignored the fact that they weren't a couple. Kisa was fun to be with, though, and he could also deliver the goods on what was up at Emerald, although at the beginning he'd called every time Takano had been in a bad mood, to ask him what Onodera had done, like he was responsible for every bad mood Takano was in even though he never spoke to Takano.

"Good. But he's not my anything. We're just friends, remember?"

"Oh, come on. You're sleeping together every time you see each other." Why had he told Kisa that?

"But really we're just friends. It's going fine. We get along and -"

"He's great in bed, right? Hahah. There's my answer. You're blushing." Okay. Time to change the subject.

"Any news at Emerald? It's been awhile."

"Hmm. Glad it's going well. In bed."

"Kisa San!"

"Sorry. So it's been good, but kind of a weird sort of good. For weeks now Takano hasn't yelled nearly as much as he used to. Even when his author managed to destroy her entire manuscript somehow and he had to find a sub the day we were supposed to go to printing. Before he would have screamed, but he just calmly warned her and found a sub."

"Wow. Well, that's good, right?"

"Yeah. It's just not what I'm used to, but yeah, who needs yelling? Let's see, what else… It's the same old same old. Oh. I found out a secret about Yoshiwara Sensei."

"He's a guy?"

"You knew?"

"I met him at one of the new year's parties."

"Well, did you know he's dating Hatori San?"

"Okay, that I didn't know. I thought he always drove him nuts because he's often late. I can't imagine dating one of my authors, can you?"

"Well, considering all my authors have been women, it's never been an issue."

His phone started ringing from his hoodie pocket. Maybe it was Suzuki San. They were seeing each other tomorrow. It made him smile to think of him. Suzuki Akira. He was so easy going. Or maybe it was Takano San saying he could prove to him he was better. He managed to retrieve his phone out of his hoodie pocket in time for it to go to voicemail. Oh great. Mother. With an omiai most likely. She didn't seem to get the picture.

"Everything okay?"

"It's my mother. Last time she called she was trying to set me up with somebody else."

"You haven't told her yet?"

"I did. Finally. I told both my parents. I was surprised. My father seemed okay with it, but my mother is acting like I didn't say anything."

"Like if she ignores it, it will go away?"

"Yeah. I should head back home and call her back."

"Well good luck. We need to get drinks more often. Just a second. Yukina's sent me mail. Kisa started furiously typing. Ah, perfect! He's finished early!"

Onodera went home feeling pleasantly buzzed from the sake he'd drunk. He took off his shoes and sat on the couch and allowed himself to think about the gorgeous man he was seeing tomorrow. Shit, this man was something else. Too bad, they were just friends. No. It was good, because Takano had obviously been trying to change. He was yelling less, because he was trying to change, and He loved Takano. He wanted to be in Takano's arms. His first love. They had miraculously been brought back together after ten years because they were meant to be together. Takano just needed to get some help and then he'd come calling and Onodera would be running into those warm arms again, being embraced by the only man he'd ever loved.

So why was he so excited to be seeing somebody else tomorrow? He always was by the time it got to Friday night. He already knew so much about Suzuki San. His father was from a wealthy family and his mother was had had been born and raised in California somewhere near San Francisco, but her parents had both been born and raised in Japan. All her family still lived in California, and Suzuki's family would visit every summer. His parents divorced when he was 11 and he ended up spending four years in California. When he had talked about that, they'd ended up speaking English and comparing accents last time they met. Onodera had been proud he could still speak English relatively fluently, and Suzuki had been so excited by his English accent, it made up for any communication challenges.

He'd told him his entire history with Takano, but Suzuki had told him about himself in bits and pieces. He knew he had started competing in Tennis seriously when he had gone back to Japan for high school. And somehow, he had gone from there to getting gold at the Olympics by the time he was 18. Of course, Onodera had googled him almost immediately after coming home from work the day after he'd met him, and the pictures from back then even looked familiar because he had been in the media all the time, and Onodera vaguely remembered feelings of annoyance, for when he'd turned on the tv and thought it's one of those arrogant athletes. Well, if he'd known he'd eventually become this close to the guy maybe he would have been more interested, but he'd never been all that excited about competitive sports.

He was so nice this guy. And brilliant. Tennis was his entire life until he got into a horrible car accident which robbed him of his car and almost his life, which is where he'd gotten all the scarring. He still wasn't so clear on how it had happened, only that his former coach had died in the accident. Maybe he'd tell him more, but he knew better than to push. He'd also heard all about his brother and sister who he was close to and his father who he wasn't. His father was a successful doctor and researcher but not nearly as brilliant a husband or father. His brother was also a doctor but a pediatrician who lived with his family in Nagoya, and his sister lived in Tokyo and was a physics professor at Mitsuhashi University. One of those over achieving families which always made Onodera feel like a failure.

As he thought of family, he remembered he hadn't called back his mother and figured he might always do it now. Thankfully his father picked up the phone. Their relationship wasn't necessarily bad, but it wasn't necessarily strong either. He wondered how well he even knew him. His father hadn't been home that often when he was growing up.

"Father it's me, Ritsu."

"Ah, you've called me back." Called him back? It hadn't been his mother calling? This was new.

"Of course. Sorry for taking so long. I thought it was mother who'd called." Oops. That sounded like he was purposely avoiding his mother, but his father laughed. He understood. Well his father had to deal with her going on and on about her plans to get him married a lot more than he did.

"No. It was me, although I should warn you, she is looking into another omiai for you."

"I wish she would understand it's never going to work."

"It's hard. You're her only son. She wants grandchildren."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's her problem."

"You're really okay with this?"

"Do I have a choice? Okay, I'd like grandchildren too, but what I really want is for you to be happy. Unfortunately, your mother is still deluded that you'll get married." Onodera felt himself blinking back tears. He wasn't expecting this level of support.

"What I called about is the company." Uh oh. "Don't worry. I'm not going to be asking you to take over, but I have some other ideas which do include you. If you're interested of course. No pressure and it's not for anytime soon. I just want to keep you in the loop. And I haven't seen you in a long time."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. It's just been so crazy with moving and with my job. I transferred to the Literature department."

"Ah, I was going to ask about that next. You had a good experience in the manga division?"

"Yes. I did well but it was time to move on. I'm a little nervous. I worked on a project with a first-time author and it's going to come out in a few months."

"Sounds interesting. I want to hear all the details when we meet. Are you busy this Sunday or is that too soon?"

"No! We can meet."

He finished up the phone call with a smile on his face. Life wasn't too bad was it? If his mother was in denial his father seemed to be surprisingly supportive.

The next morning, he got up bright and early. He wasn't meeting Suzuki until 2pm. They were going to the park for a picnic and then to his place to chat, make dinner and have some glorious action in his bedroom. He kept on surprising him there. He'd never had done so many different things and had enjoyed most of it and had learned to speak up about the parts he hadn't.

If only he could have met him first. No, this was wrong. Friends. This was perfect for now. There was no way Suzuki would be interested in more anyway. Onodera wasn't in his league. But it was okay, because as friends they were perfect.

Suzuki was busy talking to one of his many friends, when he arrived at their meeting spot. That was another thing about him. Unlike him, this guy had many friends and they all seemed to know him well. They were so different and that was okay. He smiled to himself and then Onodera noticed him waiting a bit and waved him over.

"Jason, this is Onodera Ritsu, a friend of mine. This is my cousin, Suzuki Jason, who's visiting from California."

"Hi Onodera San. Well I've got to go. I'll see you tomorrow at Fumi's house, Akira." Fumi. Suzuki San's older sister who was practically his best friend from the sounds of it.

"Ah. Alright. He's funny. I told him he could stay but he said he doesn't want to be a third wheel. I told him we're friends, but he's funny that way." Friends. This man was so gorgeous when he smiled. "You there, Onodera San?"

"Oh yeah. Sorry."

"I know. You're just getting lost in my insanely good looks, right? You don't have to answer that one." He laughed.

"You're funny."

"And you're delicious. Can I have you for lunch?"

"Uh, Suzuki San!"

"Sorry, I'm being obnoxious."

"Yes. Yes, you are."

"Ooh. I love when you tell me exactly what you think." His smile was infectious, and Onodera found himself laughing like he often seemed to do when he was with Suzuki Akira.

The more he looked at him the more he wanted him. And by the time they were on the subway to Suzuki's place he'd decided to surprise him. As soon as they had gotten comfortable on the couch he lunged for his friend and went for his neck.

"Onodera San are you part vampire- ah – AH!" Onodera grinned. Yet another first. He'd never been the first to make a move. Well that was going to change. He liked hearing the surprise and pleasure in Suzuki's voice.

"Let's talk later," Onodera managed to breathe out in as seductive a voice as he could manage.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 There's Got to Be Something More Than This

Not for the first time, Aikawa Eri waited in Usami Sensei's penthouse apartment for the author to wake up. At least she wasn't needing to yell at him as much lately. He was having less problems with deadlines. She didn't know why, but she wasn't going to complain. She'd gone over the last version of the manuscript again. They were working on the new Akikawa Yayoi BL novel. She gazed into the eyes of Suzuki the ridiculously large Teddy bear which was seated across from her.

Maybe it was her lack of sleep, but somehow, she found herself talking to the stuffed toy.

"You think I'm crazy? Well besides the fact that I'm talking to a teddy bear? I'm going on my first date in two years. It's probably pointless. He has a reputation for being a player. He's gorgeous. Why would he want to go on a date with me?"

"Were you talking to me, Aikawa San?"

Aikawa almost jumped. She looked up to see Misaki walk down the stairs headed for the kitchen. He had a massive case of Bedheaditis but otherwise looked his usual cute self. Eri had no clue what Misaki saw in Sensei but it was heartening how this one person had changed Sensei's life for the better. They were such an odd couple. Sensei had been so obvious in his adoration for the younger man, and yet Misaki with his need to convince everybody they weren't a couple at all. Oh well, that was their problem, not hers.

"Ah, good morning. I was just leaving a voice memo for somebody. I haven't seen you around lately. You must be super busy now that you're working full-time for Kirishima San."

"Yeah. It's a lot different than working part-time! Most weeks aren't so bad, but hell week is insane. Kirishima San is great to work for though. He always stays calm no matter what. I'm so glad I have him as my chief editor. The chief editor for one of the other magazines has a reputation for screaming at everybody. I'm just glad I don't work for him."

"Who's that?"

"Takano San. I can't remember his first name." Was it her imagination or had he shuddered when saying Takano's name. Oh well. Maybe his reputation was ill deserved? Or maybe Takano san was a total jerk. That stupid friend of hers and her stupid matchmaking ideas. She forced herself to focus on Misaki.

"I noticed you got cleaning help." And boy had this place needed it she thought.

"Yeah and Usagi San finally hired a cook to prepare food for us during hell week. I couldn't keep up."

"Nobody could. It's amazing that you were able to keep up with the cleaning while in school and working part-time."

"It was a lot easier then. Now. Forget it! By the way Kirishima San has a daughter and he was telling me how complicated it is to raise a child, and I couldn't help but think it's not that much different taking care of Usagi San."

"Excuse me? Did I just hear you compare me to somebody's _kid_?" Wen had he gotten downstairs? Usami Sensei could be alarmingly quiet when he wanted to.

"Oh, good morning Usagi San. It's uh - I think you misunderstood." _Nice try_ , Aikawa thought.

"I met Kirishim's daughter, and if anything, she's more competent." Aikawa couldn't resist. Sensei knew her well enough to know she was joking, and the funniest part was how true it probably was.

"Hah." Funny how Sensei couldn't really argue her point and just stood there with his cigarette dangling out of his lips while he glared at her. Well that made a nice change of pace for once.

Once Misaki had left shortly after, they started going over the corrections. (He didn't like to be around to overhear the sexy passages, and she couldn't blame him. She wouldn't want to be turned into a character in a book like that either, although she loved reading the BL novels. She didn't understand why she found them so romantic and alluring but there it was.) Going over the corrections went a lot smoother than she'd thought. It was almost miraculous how on the same page they were, and any disagreements were worked out smoothly to the point where she was tempting to check Sensei's temperature or accuse him of being an imposter.

Later at work, of course good old Erica had to call.

"Yes, Ichinose San. I'm at work. What's up?"

"Eri? Is that how you answer the phone from your nearest and dearest friend? Ichinose San?"

"What do you want?"

"I just want to talk to you about your date. I've been a good little author and not only am I not going to be late this month, I'm a few days early, and it's all in honor of you and him getting together tonight."

"You know this might not lead to anything, Erchan?" she laughed. Erica was always calling her Erchan to annoy her, or maybe out of nostalgia of when her two older sisters used to call them the Erchan Siamese Twins back in high school when they did everything together.

"Don't be so pessimistic. He's perfect for you. He's tall, gorgeous, intelligent, has a sense of humor and he's not threatened by intelligent women. He'll definitely fall for you and he'll forget about his ex."

"Ah, so he has an ex?"

"Don't we all?"

"I mean he's recently broken up with somebody?"

"So, it seems. He's very private, but that's the story. Well at least that's what I was able to get from my informant."

"Your informant?"

"One of his subordinates has loose lips." [***See notes]

"I can't believe you, sometimes."

"It's all for a good cause!"

"Thanks. I think?"

"Call me tomorrow and tell me how it went."

"Fine."

Luckily her day was so full, before she knew it, it was time to go home and get ready.

They were going to meet at the restaurant. It was a newish Mexican Fusion restaurant that had gotten excellent reviews.

Eri arrived first. As hard as she tried to arrive some place even just a little late, she almost invariably arrived five minutes early. She sat down at the table and took a deep breath. There was no need to be nervous. It was just a date, and she'd had more than enough disappointing dates over the years. She'd started dating when she was 22. That meant over ten years of dating. Ten years of guys who thought she was either too plain or too smart or didn't put out enough or made too much money or didn't make enough. It was ridiculous how nothing ever worked.

Except for Hanazawa Kisaku. Maybe in an alternate universe he was still alive, and they were married with a family. They had been perfect for each other. She'd known it right when they met at university.

Takano didn't look like him at all. Kisaku had been short, slight, and shy. He later told her that he almost never hit it off with people right away, but somehow, she had been different. Okay, she had to stop thinking of him. She'd think of Takano Masamune. He was tall, broad shouldered and unbelievably gorgeous, especially in those glasses, he looked so intellectual. And from what she'd been told about him and from the short conversation they'd have he was anything but shy. And they probably had a lot in common, both having years of experience dealing with often recalcitrant authors.

And there he was walking up to their table. Maybe he was more like Kisaku at least in one way. Although He didn't seem shy, he didn't exactly radiate self-confidence a least in this setting. Well, blind dates were usually an exercise in frustration and awkwardness to begin with. He looked nervous. Maybe he was regretting asking her out already. Oh, Eri stop being so negative, she told herself. You're smart, funny and good looking.

"Hi. Sorry I'm late."

"You're not that late. I was early. I have a bad habit of always arriving at least five minutes early to anything."

"How's that a bad habit? It sounds like a good one to me. It shows a lot of consideration for the people you're meeting."

"Thank you."

"So, Ichinose Sensei called and tried to get me to talk about the date today. Still, she's early with her work so I can't complain."

"She's so funny. She wanted to do a whole run through with me. It's like I'm her teenaged sister or something, even though I've been dating since I was 22. I'm 32 by the way." Might as well get _that_ out of the way.

"Ah. I'm 29. How long have you been working at Marukawa?"

"Twelve years. I wasn't even finished school when I started part-time. My first author was Usami Sensei. I was his second editor. The first one didn't last very long, but somehow even though we argue a lot and he drives me crazy half the time, we work well together."

"What's he like?"

"He's very private. He's mostly in a world of his own making, at least that's what he used to be before he met Misaki. Oops. I wasn't supposed to mention him I mean uh I'm doing great today. Please don't say anything."

"Don't worry. I take it this Misaki's his boyfriend?"

"Pretty much. But Isaka would have my head if that got out."

"So, all those rumors that I've read pairing him with different women are made up?"

"Complete fabrications. I think Isaka San is the one who comes up with them."

"It's okay. I'd already figured he wasn't into women."

"Seriously? How did you figure it out?"

"Well maybe because it takes one to know one?"

"Uh, I'm not sure if I understood you?" Aikawa found herself feeling a lot more disappointed than she wanted, not to mention annoyed. What was _up_ with this guy? He asked her out and he wasn't even into women? So, his ex was a man. She wondered what Erica would think of that. Not that she was going to be telling her. Takano seemed to read her mind, or maybe her expression.

"Ah, I'm not explaining myself well. How does the expression go? I swing both ways?"

"You mean both men and women?"

"Well, not at the same time. I hope that doesn't freak you out. I wanted to bring it out in the open right away, so maybe it's good you made that slip up about your author. You don't have to worry. I wouldn't say anything. I needed to keep my last relationship hidden, so I know well what it's like."

"Ah. No, it doesn't freak me out. I've been Sensei's editor for years. I'm used to it. It doesn't bother me." Too much, she thought. It was one thing to have gay friends, but she'd never dated someone who'd dated other guys in the past. Oh well. She'd dated enough jerks in the past. Surely, that was a lot worse than a guy who'd been in love with another man?

"Thanks."

"No need. So aside from being an editor what do you like to do?"

"Honestly, I don't tend to have a lot of time, but I like reading, mostly literature and philosophy. Since my day is filled with Shoujo manga, I tend to avoid anything remotely like that when I'm reading for enjoyment. It's kind of amusing, since one of the authors I tend to read is Usami Sensei, although he's not as dark as he used to be."

"How amusing. I've tended to read light romantic comedies in my spare time, especially when Sensei's novels seemed to be at their darkest."

"What about you? You have any hobbies?"

"I've almost completely forgotten what I like to do. Okay, that's not completely true. I like travelling, even to places not too far away. I used to knit when I was younger, but I've been too busy. I like cooking."

They continued talking about safe topics. Somehow the awkward politeness never quite left them. Maybe she was still reeling from his revelation? And why should it? Didn't she love reading BL? But somehow that was a lot different than discovering it in real life and with the guy your best friend thinks is perfect for you. He had been nice. Well first dates were mostly to see if there was potential, and he had potential. It just felt like they were close to going somewhere interesting but just missing the mark most of the time.

Along with an awkward date came an awkward ending. It almost felt like her first dates from high school. There was the same question. Would he kiss her? Or just say goodbye? She'd almost felt sorry for him, seeing he was the one who was expected to make the first move. Then he had leaned down; was this guy even taller than Sensei? He seemed to be thinking of kissing her on the lips but must have changed his mind because he ended up pecking her on the cheek. She hid her disappointment. This guy was probably an amazing kisser. Or maybe it was two years of nothing which was starting to make her be desperate.

One good thing was if he had anger management problems, they hadn't presented themselves tonight, and she knew enough to check how he treated not just her but anyone he interacted with, and even when the cook had messed up his order twice, he never got angry. Oh well, maybe this wasn't what got him riled up?

Something told her it wasn't going to matter either way. He was going to be joining a long list of men who had never bothered to call her back for a second date.

 **Title from Something More Than This by October Project**

 **This chapter is dedicated to everyone who has gone on disappointing first dates. I originally had the chapter end with them having a good time, but this seems a lot more plausible. I feel bad for her. If she was in a Josei manga, she'd be the main character who'd got the hunk, but no, she had to be in a BL manga. Well she likes BL, so I guess it's alright?**

 *****Kisa Shouta. Not that he's a major gossip monger in the manga, so I don't know where I've gotten this characterization from. Maybe from other fanfiction? There is that scene when the BL people are gossiping about Takano and Onodera having been stuck in a hotel room together that had only one bed. It shows Kisa acting almost fanboyish and shipping them IIRC.**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 Father Figure

From the first time he picked up a racket Suzuki Akira had fallen in love with Tennis. It had been one of the few things his father had introduced to him that he could be grateful about.

Well, it had been Ryuma who had wanted to play, but their father had been unusually indulgent., and Akira being the type of younger brother who had to get involved with whatever his older brother did had come for the ride. It only took a few swings of the racket and he was hooked. This had been in at a park in Palo Alto, California when they were spending a month there in the summer like they did most years.

Only a couple of years later his parents had divorced, and he ended up back in California which had been a major shock. It was one thing to visit for a month every year, and quite another to live there and speak English all the time.

It had seemed sudden, but his father had been out of the house for almost two years by that point. It had taken two years for the divorce to be finalized. All Akira had known was at least his father wasn't there to yell at his mother anymore. He never really understood most of the arguments; one time it had been because his paternal grandfather had come over to visit. He had just been confused. Sofu had been nice, and so happy to see them.

California wasn't bad. The weather was always nice and where they lived in the San Francisco Bay area was gorgeous. He'd adjusted. It was a little odd starting a new school year in September when in Tokyo he had been halfway through the school year, but he got over that too. He had always been flexible and easy going, and he didn't have trouble making new friends.

By the time he had almost totally acclimated to living in California it was time to go back for high school. His mother had just gotten remarried, Ryuma was in college - he'd stayed in Japan, opting to live with their father's sister for high school, and Fumi was also in Tokyo in college. It had made sense. His mother had remarried and needed her space. She'd managed to find a coach for him who thought he had what it took to compete seriously, because by his point he'd already been competing informally.

In Tokyo, His paternal grandfather lived in a large house and had been happy to host him. He lived there with another man his age. He must have found out his name at one point, but he always called him Ojiisan.

It had been funny. Akira with his Americanized ways who had probably been loud and brash, when they were so quiet and unassuming. He knew Ojiisan had been the head of a large corporation which had several branches before he retired. He also knew they had to be lovers. He had seen them when they thought he wasn't looking, and they wouldn't have made out, but in their own discreet way, it had been so obvious. They'd often sit the couch together slightly leaning against the other, or one of them would reach over and ruffle the other's hair or stroke their cheek. There was just something about them that screamed couple. Or maybe it was his own lack of a boyfriend or girlfriend. He'd broken up with the guy he'd been "seeing" in California - well, they'd been more like friends with benefits. He missed being in some sort of a relationship.

It had been a week since he'd moved in, and he was still adjusting to his new high school, and starting his new training schedule, and he wanted to at least let them know he was well sort of like then.

He was sitting on a couch drinking barley tea. It was an interesting house. It was mostly western style but some of the rooms were in a more traditional Japanese style. The house didn't seem to know what it wanted to be, maybe because his grandfather was more traditional and Ojiisan was more western, and always looked like he was about to go to work in his blouse, tie, and blazer, while Sofu was usually in a kimono or a yukata depending on the season.

They were so cute together. He wanted to find out more about them.

And it had gotten nowhere. Maybe he should have tried first with Sofu and not Ojiisan?

Ojiisan had been seated at a small table having coffee and reading a novel and Akira tried to start a conversation.

"So how long have you known Sofu?"

"Since we were eight. He pushed me in a mud puddle. I pushed him back. We became best friends right away."

"So, uh, when did you realize that you liked each other?"

"I just said. We got along right away."

"Ah, I only asked because I realized myself that I liked a boy my age right before I moved here. He's in California though, so I guess that's it."

"Well, I'm sure you'll find other friends here." It was so annoying how Ojiisan acted so purposely obtuse. It had to be purposeful, the way he was smirking. He knew exactly what Akira was trying to say. But then again, he came from a different era. If a lot of people still felt the need to keep gay relationships quiet, it must have been even more stigmatized back when he was young in the '40's and '50's.

A week later he couldn't sleep and went to the kitchen to get something to drink, when he heard the voices. It wasn't like he was trying to eavesdrop. And they were talking loudly. Then again, both of their hearing aids seemed to be somewhat temperamental.

"Haru, your bright grandson knows." Ojiisan.

"Knows what, Kyosuke?"

"About us. I think we should just tell him."

"Tell him what?"

"That we're well..."

"You want to tell him, and you can't even say it out loud when we're alone? Well it was always your idea to keep it a secret. I waited long enough for you. We're old men. I couldn't care less anymore if he knows or anyone else knows, and nobody else could care either. My son already disowned me years ago, and at least one of your children have known for years."

"I don't see how our age has to do with anything. Anyway, Suzuki Kun was telling me he had a boyfriend. He was clearly trying to get me to talk. I guess he's taking after his sofu. He looks enough like you. Every time I see him it brings me back. We were around this age when we first realized. Remember?"

"So, tell him."

"This is not something we talk about. It would be very awkward, and he is _your_ grandson after all."

"Well, of course. _Civilized_ people don't _do_ this sort of thing, or at least not talk about it, especially when they come from a family like _yours_. So don't tell him. He'll move on. Let's just go to bed already."

At this point Akira had ran to his room, hoping they hadn't seen him and that he wouldn't hear anything interesting. Would they even do anything interesting at their age? They had to be at least seventy-five. Well, why not? He wanted to be the type of guy who still did interested bedroom activities in his seventies. And what was that 'family like yours' comment? It sounded like Ojiisan's family came from nobility. He was just learning this in high school how after the Meiji Restoration, the elites in Japan took on titles inspired by the ones in the UK. He knew his family had been marquesses. Maybe Ojiisan's came from a higher rank? It was clear that Sofu San couldn't care less about it. He had sounded disgruntled in general.

Neither Sofu or Ojiisan ended up telling him anything, and he ended up becoming too busy to think about it. Everything had been so busy.

He was busy training with his coach who seemed to have much more time to spend on him than he did with the other boys he coached. They started to spend more and more time together. He took him out to eat, and they started to share hotel rooms. Somehow nobody thought anything weird about it.

Like a lot of problematic relationships, everything was fine until it wasn't. They were in Sapporo. Akira was feeling amazing after winning the match. He was still pumped up when he got in the shower and was relaxing watching television.

"Suzuki kun." Coach looked slightly tipsy as he came in and went over to him. "Come here."

"Uh. You're here already. I think I'll just have an early night. Thanks for everything Coach."

"You're so young and beautiful." He still remembered the shock, as his coach started pawing him and touching him where he shouldn't. "I love you, Suzuki Kun" his coach murmured; his breath a mixture of cigarettes and beer.

It had all been so confusing. This was different than his boyfriend in California and it made him uneasy and conflicted. His coach was older and married and he didn't want this. He just wanted to play tennis. But he needed his coach. He knew everyone and could get him a place on the Olympic team. Without him his career was finished, and was it so bad every so often if they did things together? It felt good. And Coach loved him. Was it so bad what they were doing?

He would wonder later how the situation with his coach would end up about the same for almost three years, but that's exactly what ended up happening. Then he met Sara when he was visiting his mother and suddenly things changed, because Sara had decided to spend the year in Japan. With him. She was older, in her second year of university already. She'd joined an exchange program with Mitsuhashi University. He'd figured Coach would understand. He was married himself. He might have been expecting some disappointment when he told Coach he'd be sharing a hotel room with Sara for the next tournament. She had time off and they needed to spend more time together. Except, he hadn't seemed to understand at all.

"So, you now have a _girlfriend_ and you want to spend time together with _her._ Do I understand you correctly?"

"Well, yeah. I figure you'll understand being that you're married. Things change. So, I'll ask Takemi San to make the arrangements. Thanks for everything." He was about to go. If he'd just gone who knows how different life would be. He hadn't counted on Coach flipping out and raping him violently while screaming insults at him. He'd blocked them out somehow, but he knew they had been bad. Then he'd ended up cancelling his plans with Sara, who ended up breaking up with him. He'd managed to make it through the tournament, and trudged home like a wounded animal. How had his life ended up like this? Wasn't he confident Suzuki Akira who was going to be the best in singles Tennis in Japan, no, the best in the world? Why was he here at his grandparents' home crying his eyes out?

Sofu San wasn't home. This wasn't so good. Ojiisan never really talked to him, but then he'd be left alone. Sofu San had gone on a weekend to Hakone in Yamanashi Prefecture to get inspired by Mount Fuji for his poetry. Maybe he should call his mother? No, she would just feel horrible, and what would that accomplish when she was thousands of kilometers away? What the hell was going to happen to him? He hadn't realized how loudly he was crying.

"Suzuki Kun?" _Suzuki Kun_. Oh great. It was Ojiisan. Conservative as usual. He'd known him three years and still didn't call him Akira. Why did it even bother him? Still, he needed to do the right thing. It had been at least twelve hours since he'd returned, and he needed to leave his room at some point. His stomach seemed to respond to his thoughts by letting out a lovely sound.

"Ojiisan? Sorry just a second." He scrambled to put on some clothing and opened the door only to find Ojiisan holding a tray with breakfast. Miso Soup, broiled fish, pickled vegetables and rice, just like Baba in California made. Yum.

"Do you wish to eat here or downstairs?" Akira smiled. Ojiisan was so formal but so western at the same time, like he'd stepped out of a British film from the 1940's. He found it sweet and quaint, although he'd never tell Ojiisan that.

"I'll go downstairs. I'm not really dressed though."

"Do not let that concern you."

They sat down, and it was clear Ojiisan wanted to talk.

"Suzuki Kun," he frowned, "No, Akira, we have not been very honest with you. You might not have realized but Haru - that is, your Sofu and I are more than just old friends." Akira, having figured this out from week one decided to pretend ignorance.

"What? Really?"

"This is not something I would normally feel comfortable telling you, but it is important for you to understand. So, you can tell me what is bothering you. Is it about your friend?"

"Ah. Wow. I'm honored, Ojiisan that you've told me this. Nothing's wrong, so you don't need to worry about me."

"Is that why you have been in your room for hours crying? Look, I despise people who try to involve themselves with my life. I understand the need for privacy. You do not have to tell me anything, but we are concerned. I could not help but notice the bruises on your legs and your face. If the person you care about is treating you badly-"

"Ojiisan-"

"I know we have not been close. Maybe you will not believe me when I tell you I think of you like my own grandchild. I have a grandchild only a couple of years younger than you in fact."

"Thank you. I- it's complicated. The person who I'm with is very jealous. I don't even know what he thinks about me because he's married."

"He is _married_? How much older is he?"

"he's twenty years older than me, and more experienced, but he only wants to be with me. He says I'm special. He's the only one who can help me reach my potential."

"Are you talking about your coach?"

"Well, yeah. He wasn't so happy that I wanted to bring my girlfriend. I'm, this might be hard to understand, but I'm bi -I go for girls also, so well, anyway he was jealous and my girfriend dumped me."

"I understand what you're saying. I hadn't heard of the term. I guess you could say I am- well, we might have something else in common." Poor Ojiisan, this conversation was going way beyond his comfort zone. Akira would always remember that feeling of comfort, love and acceptance he'd received from Ojiisan.

The next thing he knew his mother had come in and had 'fired' Coach. He had felt humiliated. Hadn't Coach and him been connected in a way that couldn't be severed so easily? Then he'd been forced into therapy and discovered the bitter truth. Everything had been lies. His coach had been a pedophile and all the time he'd spent with him had a name: grooming. It all made so much sense now.

Once he started working with his new coach, it had become obvious how imprisoned he'd been by his strange 'relationship' with his coach. He'd been burdened by it, and now life was so much simpler. He'd found a new love, and when he ended up winning gold in Singles Tennis two years later in the Olympics, he realized if he hadn't changed coaches, he'd never have gotten there.

During the Olympics and after he'd become a media darling. Everyone loved him. He'd easily gotten sponsorships from multiple large corporations plus advertising and prize money. He'd been able to close on a condo easily and bought his first car. Everything had been going so well, until the accident, no, the assault which destroyed everything.

 **The title is from the somewhat creepy Father Figure by George Michael.**

 **This is somewhat long for a chapter that only indirectly mentions the main character once. Apologies. I had thought up a sub-plot for the story which just wanted to be used. It's a bit sappy, and perhaps self-indulgent, but self-indulgence is what fanfiction writing is all about.**

 **I do hope this isn't boring. Now you get a little better picture hopefully about Suzuki Akira. He is not based on Nishikori Kei at all, who was the first person to win gold in the Olympics for Japan in Tennis in 96 years according to Forbes. Of couse none of my original characters are based on any real person including the coach pedophile, who doesn't get a name.**

 **I've enjoyed writing this story, although I don't think I'll be writing a story set in a country I've never been again, which is probably why Suzuki Akira ended up partially being raised in Palo Alto, California which is near where I grew up, because it's easier to write what you know.**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 Do Friends Treat Me Like You Do?

It ended up being two weeks before Ritsu saw his father. The main problem had been scheduling. His father not being available on the weekend. Ritsu suspected the unavailability sprang from his father attempting to keep their meeting a secret from his mother, and the easiest way was to have a weekdaay meeting. Or maybe he was just busy? They ended up meeting in one of the conference rooms at Onodera Shoten. Somebody had ordered in lunch. but when he'd shown up his father was still finishing up a meeting. He sat down at the conference table.

He thought of Suzuki San and smiled. That man was something else. Every week was something different. He had a knack for finding out of the way places to go or events that Ritsu had never heard of. And he was so talented in the bedroom. They usually alternated each week which apartment they stayed at This week was Suzuki San's. Aside from their meetings they'd gotten used to texting each other at least ten times a day. He wasn't so sure how it had happened, only that they both seemed to have more and more to share with each other about their day. He really shouldn't be missing him, or those strong arms which he'd woken up to only a few days ago.

"Ritsu." He looked up to see his father enter the room. He hadn't seen him in forever, but he looked mostly the same.

"Father. Hi. I'm sorry I haven't seen you in such a long time."

"Well you've been busy, I see." His father was holding a review copy of Maeda's novel and looked proud. "This looks promising."

"I hope so. We won't find out until it comes out though."

"Well you're doing a good job."

"Thank you."

"This is a little awkward for me, probably for both of us, but are you dating somebody?" Ritsu felt himself blush. This was more than a little embarrassing for them both. His father had never been this open before. He wasn't really used to it, and yet at the same time it was something good, right? Just unfamiliar and therefore somewhat awkward because this was his _father_.

"Never mind. You don't need to tell me anything. I just… I want to see you happy. I know we haven't had the greatest relationship. I was too busy when you were growing up. I'm sorry. I want to make up for it… somehow."

"It's okay. I'm happy. I met somebody. He's more of a friend but he's fun to be with. We're really different, but we get along well so it doesn't really matter."

'That's wonderful. I never told you this, but when I was growing up there were neighbors who I became close to. Two often came over for dinner and one of them enjoyed cooking and baking and would bring over treats for us. They knew we were orphans and maybe they felt bad for us. They seemed almost like opposites in terms of their personality and interested, but I could tell they got along well. I won't deny that when I found out the true nature of their relationship I was disgusted, but I've come to realize that love is love. Excuse me. I'm making you uncomfortable."

'No, it's okay. I'm not uncomfortable. That's how we are. He used to be a professional athlete, while I could have been a professional reader."

"Isn't that what we are as editors? You _are_ a professional reader."

"Yes. I've got my dream job. Suzuki San would think it's a nightmare job though."

" _Suzuki_ San?"

"Yeah his name is Suzuki Akira. He used to be a professional Tennis player and he won gold in the Olympics when he was only 18 or something." Was his imagination or had his father looked a little shocked when he said Suzuki's name?

"Ah. I must have… mistaken him for someone else. Suzuki's such a common name. I've heard of him though. He was a brilliant athlete. It was too bad he had that car accident. How did you meet?" What was that weird pause about? He had the strange feeling his father was hiding something, but he didn't ruin the positive atmosphere.

"Once my schedule got a little more typical when I transferred to Literature, I decided to take a tennis class. I didn't really enjoy it, but he was at the class substituting for one of the teachers, and we became friends."

"Understood. So, I have some ideas about the future. Don't worry, it's not immediate. I'm sure you know that Eiji kun is heavily involved with the company." He had. His cousin had been working on at Onodera Shoten for years now. "He's more interested in the business aspect of the company. The plan so far is he will eventually take over as head over the company.

"What I'd like is for a creative role to be carved out for you at Onodera Shoten; a role you'd be comfortable stepping in. All of this is your choice and I won't be pressuring you in anyway."

"I'd love to come back to Onodera at some point, but I thought Mother wanted me to take over the company-"

"Don't worry about that. That's my problem. I think -no, I _know_ you can take a leadership role. Your work at Marukawa Shoten has proven it to me. But a man wants his children near him. My father was the same way. You know how my older brother became a medical researcher but I always knew I would follow my father."

"Wow. What sort of time frame are you thinking of?"

"Five years or so."

"Wow."

"Just think about it. There's no pressure."

"By the way, since you mentioned Sofu, how is he?" Ritsu's grandfather had been living with his parents for years now ever since his best friend who'd he'd shared a house with had died.

"He's at the hospital. He's had some pains. It's probably nothing, but you don't take chances when you get to his age."

"Can I visit him?"

"It's a simple procedure. He should be back home in a few days. I'm sure he'd appreciate a visit when he gets home though, and so would your mother."

"You're right. I really should do that."

"Don't worry. I'll try and talk to her about your situation. It's going to take some time, but eventually, she'll understand." _When pigs fly_ , Ritsu thought as they made their goodbyes.

That had been the most productive wonderful experience he'd ever had with his father. Not only was he supportive, even to the point where he had clearly gone beyond his comfort zone, but everything felt so genuine. He quickly started typing a text to send to Suzuki San.

 _I just finished having lunch with my father. It went amazing. He really accepted me._ _I told him about you._

No, that sounded like they were dating, when they clearly weren't, and since they weren't dating, why mention it?

 _How's your day going?_

He sent the mail and went back to Marukawa, where he spent the rest of the day conferring with the media and promotions departments. Soon Maeda's book would be in stores, and all sorts of arrangements needed to be made to promote the book with author signings and interviews in the media. Her agent was responsible for most of the work, but he needed to be in the loop. He couldn't quite believe his dreams might really be coming true. Somehow seeing his father with a review copy in his hand made everything more real. If this book became a bestseller and if Takano had done what he was supposed to have done, he could take him back, except that meant saying goodbye to Suzuki San and somehow the thought of no longer seeing the smiling easy-going man who'd already taught him so much made him feel a bit empty inside.

Meanwhile Suzuki Akira was sitting on his couch and passing her another beer to his sister Fumi. They were having a pity party complete with drinks and their favorite comfort foods. She'd just finished telling him about her latest break up disaster. She didn't have the best luck with men. This was probably their fifth such pity party in the last six years.

"I just can't believe he really told you were too smart. Like that's a bad thing or something."

"Well it's either too smart, or too Californian-"

"That's such bull! You haven't lived in California in years. He just used that as an excuse. You barely spent time there. I'm the one who got the Californian infection. You remember how it took forever for Masako for her to let me call her by her first name? She always blamed it on me being Californian. I mean, hello, I just met your parents and we're talking about moving in together and I can't call you by your first name? Whatever."

"Well you're a lot better off without her. She was toxic. What about this new guy you're seeing? You've barely told me anything about him. Oh, what's that sad little face you're making?"

"Sad little face? Am I still eight years old?"

"No, but that face kind of brought me back to when you were having a tantrum."

"Great. The thing is this guy and I… I haven't told you so much about him, because we're not going out. We're friends."

"With benefits? Ah-ha! Akira you are such an open book. You look so cute when you blush."

"Well you're not going to look so cute after I dump this beer all over you. Okay, fine. This guy and I are friends and maybe something more but it's so frustrating because we used to just see each other every week, but then lately it's like he's texting me all the time."

"Is he's getting too clingy?"

"No! I'm texting him all the time too. And I'm starting to wonder, what are we? Are we still just friends? Because I'm starting to want more. It's annoying. I can't get him out of my head."

"But that's amazing. He's a nice guy?"

"Yeah, he's special. He has a tsundere side, but I kind of like it, and he's smart and cute and fun to be with…"

"Okay, so what's the catch?"

'He's got an ex who he's still in love with."

"Oh, that's… Akira, you don't have any luck at all, do you."

"Why, hanks, I hadn't figured that out yet."

"How do you know he's going to take him back? What if he's really starting to like you too?"

"He's not. The guy's his first love. They met in school years ago, but then they lost touch for ten years. I am such an idiot for starting something with him when I knew we couldn't get serious, but I thought I'd be fine. There's no way I can compete with something like that. Aside from his ex sounding like an insensitive bastard who doesn't deserve crap."

"Not that you're biased or anything."

"I'm totally biased. He's just something else. I can't even explain it. He has a fierceness, and we just clicked from the beginning. I really like him a lot."

"So, tell him."

"I really should. Every week I'm dreading he's going o call me up and say he's getting back together with the asshole."

"Wow. Strong language."

"He did something which I can't really tell you about."

"Akira, whatever you do I support you. You know that, right? I'm being serious now."

"Thanks. I know. You're my favorite sister."

"Baka! I'm your only sister."

"You're the best. Thanks." Akira felt the warmness from having people close to him who loved him. Things might end up imploding with Onodera Ritsu, but at least he had family who cared.

 **The title is from Friends by Ed Sheeran**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 Alive Again

Was he an idiot or was he an idiot? What was his problem? Who goes on a date with somebody when they still loved somebody else? And it was clear that Aikawa Eri hadn't gone on a date in a long time. There was something about her that had seemed eager yet at the same time disillusioned.

He was a jerk. Why was he wasting her time when he felt like his whole life was on hold until he sorted things out with Onodera? Especially when he didn't feel ready to approach him. He had to make sure he was as confident as he could that he'd never hurt him again.

The date had been so surreal. He hadn't had a experience like that in years, if ever. It had to have been the most awkward and uncomfortable first date he'd had in his life. What was weird was they had what to talk about, but it was like eating a dish, that was missing a key ingredient, and everything tastes off.

The only thing mildly entertaining had been Aikawa's reaction when she thought he wasn't into women. That fierce look so reminiscent of Ritsu came on her face, and shit that had made her look hot. It was also a boost to the ego to think she had liked him enough already to be disappointed. Even if they barely knew each other.

Maybe that was his type? Cute and sweet looking people who looked polite but knew how to bite back? That was Ritsu. He looked so mild-mannered, but he knew how to fight back, which had made him even more delectable than he already was with his emerald eyes and gorgeous body. Crap. He needed to get off the Onodera track again.

Another problem was he'd felt surprisingly clueless, probably because both of them had been in this weird awkward first-date mode. But still. He'd edited enough Shojo manga over the years. He should be able to at least use that experience in life, even if he wouldn't ever be able to produce sparkles and flowers or really act like the nice sensitive guy. He was the stereotypical main character who starts out as a complete jerk and ends up as… a complete jerk.

He'd tried to concentrate on work. Every day that passed was a step closer to hell week. T-2 days and they'd be back there again. The one good side about having a relentless almost never-ending schedule: he could drown himself in work.

His phone started ring. He reached for his it and saw the caller id. Just what he needed: Ichinose Sensei was calling; probably to get angry at him for not contacting Aikawa since the date. He answered the phone, deciding to go the 'pretend to be oblivious' route.

"Sensei, thanks for getting your work in early. It's really going to make a difference this month."

"Don't count on it happening again. Well I might consider it if a certain editor called back a certain friend of mine."

Takano cursed himself for having ever considered going out with a friend of Ichinose Erica. Was he ever going to hear the end of this?

"Look, I wasted enough of her time. If I called her back what would it accomplish?"

"I don't understand. Don't people usually go on at least two dates before they make a decision not to pursue somebody?"

"I have a good reason for not asking her for another date, and it's none of your business what it is."

"Temper. You're right. It's not my business, but it might be nice if you let _her_ know. You didn't like her? She liked you a lot."

"I did like her. If this other factor wasn't ther,e I'd ask her out again. So, you don't need to punish me by not giving me your work on time." The only good thing about this conversation was his opportunity to use a lot of the techniques he'd learned in therapy. Six months ago, he would have yelled, no, _screamed_ at her and hung up the phone. He was surprised just at how calm he was handling this ridiculous situation.

"So what are you going to do now?" What was this? Was he her kid or something?

"I'll call her up. No promises about a second date."

"Fine." This was the last time he was going to date somebody Sensei suggested.

By the time he had time to call her it had been aover a week. Well he had a good enough excuse. Hell week was hardly the time for awkward conversations with cute girls unless they were in manuscripts for his magazine. He wasn't exactly procrastinating except that he was. If he really wanted to do it he'd have mad the time.

After another hell week was over. He was resting on his couch after dinner with nothing to do. He stared at the cell phone as if it would tell him the answer. Did he owe Aikawa San an explanation? Not really. Lots of people go on first dates and never talk to each other again, but part of him wanted to explain. Still, he'd told Sensei he'd call her up, and if he didn't want trouble this month, he'd better get it over with now.

She'd answered the phone sounding a little breathless.

"Ah, Takano San?" He couldn't help smiling to himself. So, she knew who it was already. She must have saved his number. Interesting. His ego puffed up a little. Well, it felt good.

"Hi. Yeah, it's me. Aikawa San?"

"Hi. Yes. Sorry can you hold for a moment? I just got out of the bath."

"No problem." Hmm. He really shouldn't be imagining her in nothing but a bath towel with that rack and ass. Her legs looked nice too.

So, he was a pervert after all. Or maybe it was due to the months since he'd been with anybody. Aside from that crazy one night with that emo guy. It was withdrawal. And it was her fault. She was the one who'd mentioned she'd been in the bath. Could anyone blame him for going in that direction in his brain? Although on further thought, how much different was this from saying 'she was asking for it?' Not that he'd ever take advantage of her, but still.

Somehow this made him think of Onodera again. In all the times when he'd been so sure that Ritsu wanted it the same as him, but was just not telling him, how many of those times did Ritsu really _not_ want it, and he hadn't listened? And here he was saying she deserved him thinking perverted thoughts about him. This was ridiculous. He was a _guy_. So, he thought she had a sexy body. Who cared? It's not like she knew what he was thinking or he was going to take advantage of her or anything.

"Hi. Sorry about that. I should have just let the call go to voicemail. How are you?"

"I'm fine. I owe you an apology. I haven't really been that upfront with you."

"Why? About not calling after our date? That's okay. I don't think it's a must. It's not like this hasn't happened to me before."

"You're deserve more than that. I'd have called and asked you out again, it's just that my life is really complicated right now."

'Do you want to talk about it?"

"Well, yeah, that's why I'm calling. I had a break up, but it didn't really end fully. I think you're great. I like you a lot."

"But?"

"I still like the guy I was with and there's a small chance we could get back together. I know shouldn't have asked you out, but I saw him with another guy in a club awhile back and- no that's not an excuse. I shouldn't have called you and asked you out while I'm in this situation. I'm a jerk."

"It's fine. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You're human."

"The truth is I'm a jerk. If you knew the whole story…"

"Want to come over for a drink and tell me? Not like as in a date, but as in, I don't know, two friends getting a sloshed and comparing notes about how life sucks?"

"I don't want to exploit you."

"You're not. You sound like you could use a friendly ear though and it's the weekend."

"Thanks. I'll come over, but I'll bring the drinks."

She told him how to get to her apartment. Well that had been unexpected. And was she implying he should stay overnight or was he reading a lot more into it based on his desire to get laid? No. He was mis-reading her. She said _friends_. They'd have a friendly conversation. Maybe have drinks. That's it.

He'd bought a selection of drinks based on what he hoped she might like after changing into a more acceptable jeans shirt and vee-neck sweater. She was also dressed casually. She had on a light blue short-sleeve tee paired with tan chinos, which showed off her curves.

They got settled on her couch with drinks.

"So. Tell me all. I mean you don't have to, but you're here now." She seemed more comfortable and direct. Well she was on her home turf. Literally.

"You'll want to kick me out when I tell you."

"Try me." And he did. It felt good to talk to somebody new about what happened. He started from the beginning because the beginning had probably been the best part; when Ritsu had been _infatuated_ with him. It had only gone downhill from there. He didn't leave anything out, even the worst night of his life. She'd seemed shocked but hadn't kicked him out. That was good. It was interesting how much easier it was to communicate together without the pressure of being on a date.

"So, after we broke up, I started therapy every week. I was hoping I coul change and we could get back together. Recently I had some rare free time and I was restless, so I went to a club, only he was there with a guy, and he looked a lot happier than he'd ever been with me."

"Sounds confusing. I can see why you can't really move on yet. It's good you went for therapy."

"Most people think it's weird."

"Well I'm not most people. You're being responsible. You messed up and you don't want to do it again. That's a lot better than a lot of people who keep doing the same messed up things over and over again."

"That's a nice way of putting it. Too nice."

"You're nice. I like you." He smiled. Was she starting to get drunk? He didn't know her well enough to really tell… She was kind of cute inebriated. She was looking at him with that fierce look again. "Maye it's time to call your ex back and show him how you've changed."

"Yeah. Part of me is desperate to get back with him, and part of me is wondering if maybe I don't deserve him anymore. Whatever. Enough about me."

"You want to hear about me and my break ups now?"

"You can tell me anything." Maybe it was the alcohol, but he felt free and open, and she seemed the same way.

"Well the only man I ever loved I met in college. We were going to get married and then he was killed in a car accident."

Shit. That sounded painful.

"Eventually, I started dating again, but somehow nobody compared to him, I never consciously tried to compare, it was just hard not to. And even when I thought something might be promising, the guy usually thought I was lacking in something. And then I got to be 30 and suddenly the dates stopped coming. At least I've been so busy with my job. And here we are."

"Yeah. I can't imagine losing someone that finally. I'm sorry."

"Thanks. You're sweet. And also gorgeous." He should really stop her from stroking his hair that way. When she had moved in so closely. Not that he didn't like it, but this really wasn't where they should be going especially after what he'd just told her.

"Do I compare?" Why did he just ask he that?

"I don't really want to compare you to him. You're different… I like you, Takano San."

"Yeah? I like you too." _Bad! Bad! Just get off the couch and take a cab home before you do something you're both going to regret._

He wasn' sure who started kissing first, but he stopped really thinking much after that aside from it feeling right somehow. Until she started tugging on his belt.

"Uh, I don't think this is such a great idea."

"Yeah, but let's do it anyway."

"I don't want to use you."

"Well let me use _you_ then." Shit. Well, okay then. If that's how she wanted it, he could hardly disappoint her. He let himself just be and dove in for more.

 **Title from Adventure of a Lifetime by Coldplay.**

 **I can't help but be an Aikawa Eri cheerleader. Go, Aikawa, Go!**

 **Also, a recurring plot point in the manga is how often Onodera ends up waking up in bed with Takano not remembering anything. Let's see how it is when the shoe is on the other foot. evil cackle.**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14 Walking the Same Line

Ritsu should have been celebrating. Maeda Sensei's book had not only received critical acclaim from most reviewers, but it had been in the top five on the bestseller list for weeks now. Everyone loved her, and now she was being nominated for the Naoki Prize. His dreams were coming true. Isaka San had even called him in for a meeting and hadn't referred to him as nanahikari once. His old colleagues at Emerald had sent him congratulations mails and his father had called and they'd had another shockingly wonderful conversation to the point where he wondered why they couldn't have been like this years ago. Everything was finally coming together with his career. So he should be celebrating.

Instead he was waiting anxiously for Suzuki San to come over. He hadn't even had the time to tell him about the prize nomination when he'd gotten the mail:

 _Hi. Can we meet tonight? It's kind of important._

Well that was vague enough, and the one thing Ritsu hated was vague. He'd learned his lesson though with Takano San? Never jump to conclusions. It could mean so many things. It didn't _have_ to mean Suzuki had found something else and that he wanted to focus on this new person, so bye bye. No. It could mean something else he wanted an opinion on.

Except the only reason that made sense was he found somebody. That had to be it. They could be friends still, but considering his schedule, they'd probably barely see each other. And it was all his own fault. He had been the one to tell Suzuki he was still waiting for Takano San to change. It had been almost a given. Takano San would be coming back to his life, and Suzuki San would fade in to the background.

Only he hadn't counted on becoming so emotionally invested in Suzuki. It was odd how Takano San hadn't contacted him yet, but the frightening part was he had no clue how he would even respond if he would contact him, because so much had changed in just five months.

He got out a piece of paper and drew a vertical line down the middle.

Then he drew a pair of glasses to represent Takano on the top of the right side and a tennis racquet on the other for Suzuki. He was too embarrassed to write the true heading: Why I should choose Takano or Suzuki. No. That wasn't accurate either. He wouldn't get to make a choice. Suzuki San was undoubtedly out of the running. He'd do it nicely. He'd probably have a sad look on his face, too, although inwardly smiling because he was excited about the new relationship. With some guy. Or some girl. Would that be worse somehow? It shouldn't make a difference.

He needed to focus.

He started writing his reasons for going back to Takano:

He's my first love.

There must be a reason for us meeting again. What were the chances? Being neighbors and working together?

Don't I owe him a chance?

Was that it? That was really it? There had to be more, right? He frowned as he wrote one more line:

I want to love him don't I?

He figured he could add more later and moved to the other side of the paper and looked at the tennis racquet. It looked more like a lollipop. He imagined his smiling face and started grinning.

He is so much fun to be with

We have a lot in common -actually Takano had more. He added it to Takano's column. Fair is fair and went back to the Suzuki column.

It's fun to teach other about things we don't have in common.

He brings out the best in me.

I feel so comfortable with him.

 _The sex is great_ he thought and then figured there was no way he could write it. No. He _was_ going to write it:

Sex is amazing.

He kept writing the first thing he thought of:

I just like being with him.

I miss him when we're not together

I don't want him to be with anybody else.

I think I love him.

Oh shit. I'm in trouble now.

The intercom went off. He buzzed Suzuki into the building. Everything was fine. The could still remain friends couldn't they? But it would be different now that Suzuki San was dating someone seriously. He folded up the paper and put it in his pocket and let him in.

"Hey. Everything okay, Onodera San?" Suzuki San had his usual casual relaxed mannerism but at the same time he had this air of nervousness about him.

"Yeah. You want something to drink?"

"A beer would be nice if you have."

"I do." Why were they acting so weird and formal? It was horrible.

"You seem nervous." They were sitting across from each other at Ritsu's little table. That was also unlike them. They'd normally go to the couch. Or the bedroom.

"Well so do you."

"Yeah. You're right. Onodera San. I realized something this week and I need to tell you about it."

"No. It's okay. I think I know what you want to say and it's alright. I'm happy for you."

"What are you talking about?"

"You found someone you want to have a serious relationship with, haven't you It's okay. I won't be hurt. We said we were keeping everything as friends."

"Well, yeah. I guess you could say that's true." _Oh shit oh shit oh shit no no please. I need to calm down._

"So is it a guy or a girl?"

"A guy. You know him."

"I- I do?" _Oh great. So I might have to see them together?_

"Really?" Ritsu was purposely focussing on Suzuki's fingers as they held of the can of Usagi Beer. "What's he like?"

"He's about your height. He has beautiful green eyes, and light brown hair and he just discovered the next big author in Japan." Wait. What was he saying? "Can you look at me?" Ritsu's head snapped up in shock. "It's you. I know you said you wanted to get back with your ex, but-" He stopped as Ritsu pushed him away and jumped up from the chair.

"You bastard! Do you know how scared I was just now? I thought you met somebody else!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I just didn't know how to tell you. I can't pretend I'm just a friend anymore when I want more. At first I didn't want to ruin what we already have but I need to be honest with you."

Ritsu dug into his pocket and handed his paper to Suzuki.

"What's this?"

"Just read it."

"Okay. I don't get it. What's the glasses and lollipop?"

"It's a tennis racquet, Suzuki San. The glass is Takano San and the racquet is you."

"Okay. Got it. Hmm. I hear you that first love is very powerful, and I think there _was_ a reason you both had to meet again. Hmm. Still. I kind of like the other side of the page better."

"Yeah, you would."

"I like it. I like it a lot. Especially this line about sex. No this is better. 'I think I love him." I don't like this 'shit I'm in trouble' part though."

"It's just that what am I going to say to Takano San?"

"Goodbye?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure you can do it?"

"Yes. I want to be with you."

Suzuki led them to the couch and he faced him. "I don't want this to make you feel pressured. Take your time. I just needed to be open with you."

"No. it's fine. I think I chose you even before I wrote this. It's just going to be rough telling him. I'm ready to do it though. I'll send him mail now saying I need to meet with him tomorrow after work." He reached for his phone and sent the message. " I hope it isn't hell week. I have no clue what their schedule is. Wait. I know last week was hell week, because Kisa San wasn't available to go for drinks when i called him. I'm safe."

"Hell week?"

"The last week of the monthly cycle when you're rushing to get the magazine to the printers and the authors are horrifyingly behind."

"Oh yeah. You did tell me about that. Can I call you Ritsu now?"

"Uh, yeah. A-Akira." He felt himself blush.

"I'm sorry for upsetting you earlier. I'm so happy right now.."

"Me too." His phone beeped. Takano was available and mentioned a izikaya the _Emerald_ staff frequented for company related events. "Ah. I'm seeing Takano San tomorrow at 7pm."

"Want me to come?"

"How would that even work? What am I supposed to say? 'Takano San we're history. Here. Meet my new boyfriend?'"

"Yeah. That's kind of harsh. I could meet you after you're done though."

"That sounds wonderful. I still can't believe you made me think you met somebody else."

"Ah, am I in trouble?"

Ritsu grabbed Akira by the collar and brought him close.

"Yes. Big time."

"Then I guess I'll have to come up with a way to make it up to you."

 _This man is perfect_ , Ritsu thought before letting his body take over.

 **Title from Everything but the Girl – We Walk the Same Line**

 **It's interesting how it's a lot more difficult to find songs about relationships going well, and a lot easier for breakups and other unhappy experiences.**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15 Don't Forget Me

Masamune's first thought of the morning was, finally, a good night of sleep, but something didn't quite feel right. Maybe it was the linens? He didn't own comforters this white and fluffy. And this pillow he was holding had a strange feel to it, almost like he was holding a person… He opened his eyes, and realized the pillow as Aikawa Eri, who looked relaxed as she slept.

He closed his eyes, as if he could will himself to really be in his apartment and alone.

Because this had _not_ been part of yesterday's somewhat well thought out plan to apologize and finish things with Aikawa Eri. No. Finishing things hadn't involved waking up in her bed, naked after, well it was obvious what it was after. Not that it hadn't been nice. No, it had been fantastic. It had been months for him and even more for her. They'd needed this. Still, he thought, as he gazed at the still sleeping Aikawa Eri. He was going to be paying for this, and it didn't matter that Aikawa had been the one to initiate everything, or that he'd tried to stop it.

Oh shit, he thought. Had they even used a condom? He'd been lax with Ritsu. He'd been tested for stds and he knew Ritsu was a safe partner, but sleeping with a woman meant a whole new level of possible screw ups. Then he remembered her taking out one and giving it to him.

He got up and looked for his clothing. Wasn't he just doing this recently? Should he slip out? That would probably make things worse. No. He'd make her breakfast. He was halfway through preparations and hoping that Aikawa wasn't one of those people who hated anyone touching their cookware, when she came out of the room dressed in a robe, looking relaxed. Well, she had good reason to be. He couldn't help himself from smirking. He'd made her feel great.

"Good morning."

"Hi. I hope you don't mind I used your kitchen. I figured we could use some breakfast."

"Mind? You're free to come over anytime you like and cook. Something smells delicious. Mm. Miso soup, Fish and Rice? I'll make us some coffee and it's perfect."

"Ah, you're like me. I have coffee with any meal."

They were sitting down and eating when Aikawa got straight to the point. That was one good thing. She'd been so much more open and direct since he got to her apartment last night. It was night and day from the date they'd had.

"So, this wasn't what you had in mind when you came over yesterday, right?"

"Not really. Sorry."

"I'm not. We had a good time. Look, I'd rather be with you as friends, then with somebody else as lovers. I'm fine with this situation. Okay, I'd really like to date you, but I can handle this. Unless, you're not interested."

Why did it seem like anything he chose would be the wrong answer? If he said yes, didn't that make him an exploitative scum ball only after one thing? If he said no, well, wasn't that kind of stupid given Ritsu had no problem doing that?

"I just don't want this to end up with somebody getting hurt." _Somebody_? Why was he acting so wimpy?

"Somebody? You mean me, right?" Aikawa reached over and touched his hand, and he looked up at her. 'I'm a big girl. You don't have to worry so much."

"There's just too many ways this could become bad."

"If we're upfront about what this is and isn't then I don't see the worry. We like each other. We're attracted to each other. We're mature adults. We can handle this. And if the guy you're still in love with calls you up tomorrow and wants you back, I'll understand."

'Okay."

They'd arranged to meet the following weekend.

Then he'd gotten the mail from Onodera.

 _Hi. Can we meet tomorrow after work?_

Somehow, he didn't get the feeling Onodera wanted to see him to get back together. He figured the izakaya near the building made the most sense and sent a quick response suggesting 7pm, which had quickly been okayed by Onodera.

The next day Takano couldn't help remembering that awkward first date with Aikawa Eri as he reached the izakaya exactly five minutes early. He'd had a feeling about this meeting all day. It could only mean one thing. Onodera had told him he was going to wait for him to prove himself. It had been _his_ job to contact Onodera. Why hadn't he done that a month ago when he was pretty sure he was ready to move forward? Now it was too late. It had to be. Shit. Why couldn't he have just controlled himself that night?

He kept his features neutral as he ordered a plate of kar-age and a glass of shochu and waited for Onodera to show up.

Thinking of Onodera always made him feel messed up. Ever since he'd realized that Onodera Ritsu was the same person as Oda Ritsu from school, he'd felt like he was constantly trying to fix everything and failing. And then his responsibility as Onodera's boss hadn't made things easier. He knew he tended to be harsher with him than anybody else in the department, and yet he'd never been able to stop himself. Maybe deep down he'd resented Onodera for leaving so conveniently and forever remembering him as the bad guy when it had all been misunderstandings?

And in the end, he'd became the bad guy. He deserved whatever he was going to get tonight. He drained his glass and ordered another while finishing the chicken. He checked his watch. 7:05. Onodera better not be late.

"Takano San." _Would it kill him to say hello?_ "Thank you for meeting me." Onodera. With a briefcase and looking gorgeous. _Shit_! "I'm just going to order something."

He came back with a glass of hoppy and Takano just managed to restrain himself from smirking. Well, Onodera was such a light weight, it was probably for the best that he chose a drink that was almost non-alcoholic.

Onodera downed half of it and then looked at him. Crap. That direct fierce expression always got him excited. Now it just made him nervous.

"Takano San."

"Yes. Congratulations on Maeda Sensei being nominated for the Naoki prize."

'Ah. Thanks."

There was an uncomfortable pause. Finally Onodera spoke up.

"The reason I asked you to come is a lot of things have changed since we stopped seeing each other."

"Okay."

"The thing is, awhile back I met somebody who's become very important to me. We were going to be friends. I never really thought this would happen when we broke up, but I can't change the way things are."

Onodera looked so uncomfortable if he wasn't killing him with his words Takano would almost feel sorry for him.

"You've found someone else."

"Yes."

"So, it doesn't matter if I tell you I've been seeing a therapist almost every week for the past four months?"

"You have? That's wonderful."

"Not wonderful enough, apparently."

"Takano San. It's two completely different things. I am happy for you. I didn't plan to meet somebody; it just happened. And I can't change that. No. I don't want to change that. We weren't very good for each other. I can see that now."

'And you're happy?"

"Yes. I am. I really hope you can be just as happy-"

"I don't want to hear that from _you_!" Shit. He needed to stay calm. Lashing out wasn't going to do anything. He deserved this. He'd shown he wasn't fit to be Onodera's boyfriend. This was fitting retribution. He just needed to get out. He quickly gathered his things and got up. He managed to mumble out a farewell as he ran out.

Without really thinking he ended up by the Marukawa building. He could head to the train or he could go to that other bar nearby and get wasted. Or he could do a combination of things. He wasn't going to the Kirishimas. Yokozawa had been amazing and his lover been as understanding as he could, but they must be sick of his crap by now. He was sick of seeing them. No, he just didn't want to see them interact right now. They deserved a break. He headed to the bar. He'd only had two shochus he could handle more with no problems.

Great. They seemed to be playing only break up songs tonight. It was almost like it was meant for him, he thought bitterly as he downed another drink. Seriously. Did Adele sing any happy songs even? The song ended and another came on. to Utada Hikaru with another break-up song.

Well, at least he didn't know anyone here.

"Takano San? Is that you?" _Scratch that thought. I guess I get more humiliation. It's Ichinose Sensei. She found out I slept with Aikawa and wants my head._

He looked over to wave Ichinose Sensei over. She looked different somehow.

"Ah. It _is_ you. I saw you from the window. Everything alright?" Shit. He was more drunk than he'd realized. How could he ever confuse Aikawa for Ichinose Erica?

"I'm fine."

"You don't look so fine."

"Yeah? Well Life is a bunch of crap."

"Want to talk?"

"Not really. I want to get drunk."

"It looks like you've accomplished that, so what do you want to do now?"

"Drink more. First, I'll just have a little nap."

"Why don't we have that nap at my place? Or your place? Where do you live?"

"I just want to get drunk. Don't you understand me?"

"Okay so let's get drunk at my place."

"I don't get you. I'm an asshole. Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Because I like you."

"No offence, Aikawa San, but you're an idiot." She laughed. He frowned. She wasn't supposed to respond like that.

"Fine. Here. Let's go."

He wasn't quite sure how he'd managed it, but his tab had been paid and he'd gotten into a cab with Aikawa. He couldn't shake her off, and he wasn't so sure he wanted to either. He vacillated between wanting to yell at her for wanting to be with an asshole to wanting to hold on to her like she was his savior.

They ended up back at his place. He vaguely remembered Aikawa putting him to bed and feeling like a kid. Well a kid who'd had somebody to took care of him. His head felt so heavy. He closed his eyes.

 **Title is from Someone Like You by Adele**

 **There are intentional echoes from Yokozawa Takafumi no Baai with Takano getting drunk and Aikawa finding him, but Aikawa Eri is not Kirishima Zen, so we won't be having any weird blackmailing scenarios. I don't envy her having to shlep him somewhere.**


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16 Drowning In Our Memory

145C. Ritsu looked at the slip of paper in his hands which had the room number where his grandfather was currently staying at Tokyo Jikei University School of Medicine as he travelled on the train. His grandfather had gone in for a simple procedure, but maybe nothing was simple when you got to be his age? Still, who'd have thought that he'd managed to get pneumonia a day after. What was supposed to be a two-day stay had turned into a week's one and he was still there although hopefully he'd be coming home in a day or two.

And with Ritsu's hectic schedule, it had been too difficult to get here to see him. No, that wasn't quite right. He'd had at least two opportunities and yet he still hadn't visited Sofu. He frowned. He was sick of the almost constant interior monologue he had that consisted mainly of self-denigration.

Yes, he could be a better grandson, but he was visiting him now, so better late… actually he really needed to be careful. Sofu had gotten pneumonia out of nowhere and could have died. How much time did he have to spend with him?

Ritus smiled to himself as he reminisced about Sofu.

At first glance he had seemed frightening in the 3 piece double breasted suits he almost always wore. That suit was almost like an extension of him, and that one time when Ritsu had seen him in a sweatshirt and regular pants, it had felt all wrong. Sofu had seemed like a prim and proper British gentleman but with a definite Japanese sensibility, which had probably been evoked from Risu's experience in England than how his grandfather really was.

It was funny how they'd never gotten close until Sofu had moved in after his best friend who he'd lived with had died. Once he moved in, they'd slowly become closer. It made vacations a lot more palatable. His father was always at work, and his mother -well, they'd never gotten along so well. It was like no matter what he tried it wasn't good enough, and liking guys probably hadn't helped, even though it had taken years for him to tell his parents, so she'd been blissfully ignorant probably dreaming about the wedding she hoped he'd have one day, the daughter in law which would be the daughter she never had and the grandchildren, who would be perfect little angels. It had taken long enough for him to finally accept his sexual identity, so maybe he should be more understanding that his mother was still in denial. He'd certainly been in denial long enough.

But Sofu had understood. Right away. Who knew somebody who was so conservative and traditional -well in a western way- could understand so much? Not that he'd ever been planning on telling him, but one summer vacation it had just come out. Father was at work, mother was away running a fundraiser, and he had nothing to do. He was supposed to start work part time at Onodera Shoten, but it hadn't started yet. He was in the family library looking for something interesting to occupy himself with, which had reminded him of Saga Sempai. It was something that often happened when he had nothing to do. He had wondered if he had a new boyfriend or maybe he'd have a girlfriend? Was he taller and possibly more gorgeous, if that was even possible? Was he still reading books in a library somewhere? And did he like to play around with the people who fell for him? Somehow that had caused the tears to start. He hadn't notice his grandfather had come in. Why did he still remember Sempai's laughter and smirk like it had just happened? Somehow it made him so angry he felt like throwing something. He had finally given in to his anger and yelled.

"Saga Masamune, I hate you!"

"That doesn't sound so good." His grandfather had said it so calmly but had put a hand on Ritsu's shoulder and that had calmed him somewhat. After he'd freaked out that Sofu was there in the first place and he hadn't realized it. His grandfather seemed to sense his discomfort. "Sorry if I startled you. Do you want to talk about?"

And even as he was thinking he was going to regret this he'd told him the whole sad story, not even bothering to change Saga to a girl. It had felt so good to get it out of his system. Then he realized the implications of what he'd done.

"Please don't tell my parents!"

"Don't worry."

"You probably think I'm a freak. It's disgusting, right?"

"I don't."

"But I just said I liked a _boy_."

"My best friend liked boys. That sounds strange. I mean he liked men."

"Really?"

"Yes. I thought it was-," he paused as if not quite sure what to say, "strange at first, but love is love. At any rate, you're still Ricchan, aren't you? That will never change." _Ricchan_. The nickname that made him feel like a ten-year-old. Oh well. Sofu meant it in a loving way.

After this, somehow their relationship changed. It wasn't that they'd really talk about Ritsu's homosexuality or relationships, but somehow it had broken down the barriers in their own relationship; They usually spoke about books and publishing and sometimes Sofu would tell him about life when he was young. Somehow just knowing Sofu accepted him had been enough, and if he called him Ricchan so be it.

 _Ricchan_. He was almost at his grandfather's room. Maybe if he was lucky, Sofu would be up. He was supposed to be doing better today. . He found the room. His grandfather was sitting up with those reading glasses he loved halfway down his nose as he read. Typical Sofu. Then he realized the book he was holding; It was Maeda Sensei's and he felt a surge of happiness well up in him.

Sofu looked so much older, but he was up at least. Last time he'd spoken to his father, Sofu had been sleeping a lot of the time.

"Sofu?"

"Ricchan!" Ritsu smiled.

"How are you?"

"Still here." Typical Sofu. Who knew if he meant still here in the hospital or still here above ground? "And is this the best-selling novel you're responsible for published by-" he perused the spine and pretended to look upset, "our main competitor?"

"Uh Sofu- well, I do hope to return to Onodera Shoten someday, but-"

"It's fine. I'm not being serious. Congratulations. Your father has told me all about your success. He is very proud of you, as am I."

"Thank you. But how are you doing, really?"

"At my age, it's hard to complain about anything."

"But you're doing better?"

"Yes. Assuming I don't get sick again before I escape from this place."

"It sounds like you're trying to break out of prison."

"Exactly. So, anything else new? You told me you had met a new _friend_." They always used the word friend, somehow instead of partner, lover or boyfriend.

"Yes. Well, we're more than friends now. Here. I never told you about him. I'll show you a picture." Was he a teenager showing off pics of his new boyfriend? He didn't care though. He found what he was looking for: the pic they'd taken at Nee chan's. How weird to be thinking of Akira's sister that way, but despite Ritsu not being able to warm up to people quickly, she had immediately treated him like he was family. Maybe it was an American thing? Either way Suzuki San and him looked perfect in that picture. No. _Akira_ and him. He had to get used to that.

Ritsu wasn't sure what to expect from his grandfather upon seeing a real picture. He was hoping he'd be happy, but maybe deep down he really did think it was disgusting that Ritsu was with a man? The one thing he hadn't been expecting was a look of shock and then sadness on his face. Or maybe he had imagined the sadness? It was so quick it had been hard to tell.

"Sofu?" No response.

"Interesting. He - Uh- he looks like somebody I knew a long time ago."

"Really? You might have seen him on tv. He won a gold medal in the Olympics when he was a teenager."

"Ah, yes. That must be it. What's his name?"

"Suzuki Akira."

"Of course. That's how I know who he is. Tennis, right?"

"Exactly. I can introduce you both if you like."

"That would be nice. Ricchan. I don't feel so well suddenly."

"Do you want me to call a nurse?"

"No. I just need to rest."

"I'll try and come again."

"Assuming I'm still here." Again, with this vague and morbid way of talking.

"I mean I will come see you at home of course! Feel good, Sofu." He thought of hugging him, but Sofu was about as far from a touchy-feely guy as you could get, which Ritsu understood, not being much of a touchy feely guy himself, Akira being a major exception. Akira. That had been weird. It was like Sofu had been hiding something. What had been that strange shocked expression about? Well, he'd just have to find out.

 **Title is from 1000 Times by Sara Bareilles and it refers to the grandfathers**


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17 Mmmm YES

Masamune woke up with the worst headache he'd ever had in his life. He looked to the other side of the bed and breathed a sigh as he winced in pain. At least nobody was there with him, so he hadn't done anything irresponsible. That weird dream he'd had of Aikawa Eri had been nice though. In the dream she had dragged him home in a cab. The meeting with Onodera had gone about as badly as he'd expecting. He shouldn't have responded by drinking himself into a stupor, but he needed to do something to 'mark' the occasion. He was an idiot and he deserved this.

He noticed a bottle of water and a pill bottle by his night table together with a note. From Aikawa Eri. When had _she_ shown up? Come to think of it, how had he even gotten home in the first place? With the sudden realization that his dream probably had been real he slugged down the medicine with the water and checked the time. Shit. He'd completely overslept the alarm and he had an important meeting to go over the newbie editor's proposal this morning. Usui San was pretty good but she wasn't Onodera. He changed quickly and drove over. Hopefully he'd miss the major traffic jams and still not be late for the meeting.

Even though it had been months it still felt weird sometimes not having Onodera there. Every so often, he'd look over and expect him to be there next to Kisa San and see Usui instead and have this weird feeling of cognitive dissonance. Usui San was funny though. She'd been an editor at Sapphire for five years, which was basically the more sexually explicit homosexual sister to Shojo, so she hadn't had any real issues adjusting which had been helpful. He looked up and saw everyone hard at work. Good. He had a bad feeling about this month. They were halfway into the cycle and a few authors were already late with their work. Kisa and Usui were chatting. Not that long ago that would have meant a quick yell from his side of the table, but they were getting the work done. Kisa San. He got along with pretty much everyone. In fact, he was still friends with Onodera. Maybe he'd know who his boyfriend was. That was probably a bad idea. Still. What the hell. It couldn't hurt to ask him. Yes, it could. He'd find out the new guy was a better man in every single way, and did he really need to experience that feeling?

The proposal meeting had gone about as he had expected. He'd been partially hoping Usui San would act the way Onodera had his first meeting, just for the nostalgia value, but of course she had not. She had written enough proposals at Sapphire to know what to expect. She'd done her homework as well, and he barely had to speak up. She'd even held her own with Yokozawa. That had been the only thing amusing about the whole thing.

Afterward he'd walked over to Kisa who was sitting in that weird way he seemed to love like he was doing yoga. The guy was flexible.

"Hey, Kisa San. You're still in touch with Onodera?"

"Uh…" Kisa looked like he didn't really want to be here right now. Well, who could blame him?"

"Eh. It's okay. Just. What's his new friend's name? Don't tell him I asked. Please." Okay. This was a stupid plan. And even though he had leaned over and whispered in his ear, he could feel everyone else staring at them. He felt an urge to yell at them and managed to suppress it. He frowned. He missed yelling sometimes.

"Ah… I don't know if I really have permission-"

"Never mind." He was right. What had come over him? And it was so unprofessional as well. "It's just I met him, and he looked really familiar."

"Ah. He used to be famous. He won some sort of Olympic medal in Tennis. He was on television a lot at one point."

"Got it. That must be it." He was such a liar. Oh well. Kisa San didn't have to know that. And this was something he could look up later at home.

As soon as he got home, he did a google search and it hadn't taken long to find the right person. Suzuki Akira. He looked younger in the photo, but he was, without a doubt, the one he'd seen with Onodera at that club. No wonder he'd looked familiar. This guy used to drive him nuts when he was a teenager; It seemed like every time he turned on the tv this guy was there looking confident and happy and basically the opposite to him. He'd probably been raised in the perfect home. His mother made him home cooked meals every night. And now he was with Ritsu. Well Ritsu deserved a good guy, who probably was a lot better at everything including sex. He probably loved it with him; unlike how he was with the jerk who always had to push Ritsu to go to bed with him.

Speaking of jerks, Aikawa had gone to a lot of trouble last night, and he'd never said thank you. He owed her a phone call. She picked up after a couple of rings.

"Hey, it's Takano. I had this strange dream that I got drunk off my ass and somebody took me home in a cab."

"Ah, you remember? How are you feeling?"

"Now? Fine. Thanks for leaving me the aspirin and the water. I felt like crap this morning."

"No problem. You already had everything. Your apartment is so neat, it wasn't hard to find what I needed."

"You say that like you were expecting to find a dump."

"Well no offence, but I've seen your offices during hell week…"

"During hell week I end up spending most of the time in the office anyway, so that place gets trashed and my place stays clean."

"Seriously? Should I ask what you do about bathing and clean clothing?"

"No. You really shouldn't."

"Wow. And I thought working with a recalcitrant author was bad. I'll take Usami Sensei any day over your job. I need my coffee in the morning and my bath in the evening."

"Yeah, well, thank you for dealing with me last night. I wasn't doing so well."

"You were doing well considering."

"Yeah. My ex told me we weren't good for each other."

"Yeah. You were kind of vocal about that last night. I'm sorry."

"I almost want to get drunk all over again. But then I still remember my headache from this morning."

"Yeah. Bad idea. Want me to come over? We can comfort each other."

"No yes. No yes. Yes. Come over." What was up with this woman? Was she a glutton for punishment? And what was up with him? He couldn't or didn't want to refuse her.

She showed up an hour later wearing a slinky long-sleeved snug fitting dress which showed off her curves. Somehow that made him appreciate how much she didn't look like Onodera.

"So, how was your day today?" He'd quickly come up with a Chinese style stir fry and rice.

"Ah, it's not over yet. I need to call Sensei again. He's so close to being finished with this novel. We've almost done the final edits, he just has to change them and email them to me, and he's suddenly being a jerk again, and I'm not used to it anymore. He's gotten a lot better lately. I've gotten spoiled. Sorry. I'll make it quick."

"Fine with me." He'd called authors this late many time in the past and he was looking forward to seeing Aikawa in action. Meanwhile, she was mumbling to herself.

"He's not picking up. I'll have to call Misaki. He always answers- ah, Sensei! It's me. I still haven't gotten the manuscript. I know you're still used to floppies, but now that we switched to email you have to admit it's easier, right? Anyway, because you've been so good, I haven't bothered you, but you're almost three hours late now and-" Usami Sensei was so loud Takano could hear him clearly.

"I'm busy. Call tomorrow."

"I can't believe this! He hung up on me! Okay sorry Misaki but-" Woah. She had a furious expression on her face as she looked up another number; an expression he hoped she never use on him. Ever. Shit. What was he saying about not being like Onodera? This fierceness was definnitely reminiscent of him.

"Sorry to wake you Misaki. You're not sleeping? Still. I'm really sorry but Sensei -yeah he hasn't finished his deadline and he's so close to being done. It's just a few edits. Can you speak to him? Thanks." She looked up at Masamune. "He's dealing with it. Hopefully. Oh, I think he got Sensei to come back on." She turned on her furious look. "Sensei, what happened to three hours ago and the edits? What? You can't just change your mind. People are waiting - excuse me? EXCUSE ME? I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE THE GREAT LORD USAMI, SENSEI! YOU BETTER GET ME THAT MANUSCRIPT WITHIN ONE HOUR OR YOU'LL REGRET IT!" She hung up and suddenly remembered Takano was there and started blushing.

"You're cute, Aikawa San. I'm glad I'm not your author though."

"He always does this to me. I'm sorry you had to hear-"

"Oh please! Come over to Emerald Hell Week and watch me yell. It happens. You're human and you're dealing with a brilliant author who thinks the world revolves around them."

"I sometimes wonder how I could have worked with him for as long as i have. The truth is we usually do well together. We understand each other, and lately he really has been better, but this- this is too much."

They went on out to walk off the curry and also to return some books which somehow, he'd been procrastinating taking care of. Maybe it was because he now thought of Onodera whenever he thought of libraries? He suddenly remembered that night when Onodera had almost cracked his head open on the steps before he'd managed to catch him. _Why_? Was everything they'd gone through pointless? What had been the point of them?

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Well, no. Onodera and I kind of go way back. We met in our school library. Then we met at this library a couple of times. Kind of a stupid reason to avoid bringing back your library books."

"Wait a second. Onodera? Who transferred to Literature not that long ago and discovered that best-selling novelist? Maeda Sensei? _That_ Onodera?"

"Yes, that Onodera. Also, the scion of Onodera Publishing. Maybe."

"He's your ex?"

"Yes. He's my ex."

"He sits on the other end of the room from me. We don't really interact much, but I was wondering if there was a connection to him and Onodera Shoten. Interesting."

"I just wonder what the purpose of this all was. We dated and then he broke up with me after a stupid miscommunication and it took me ten years to find out why it even happened. Then he ends up being my subordinate and my neighbor. He lived in the apartment next to mine for a year before he transferred to Marukawa and somehow, we never saw each other. I still don't get that one.

"Well you Manga editors keep weird hours. Literature has much more regular hours for the most part. Still. That is strange."

"We didn't recognize each at first. He'd gone under a false last name. Don't even ask why. The reason is stupid. I had switched to my step-father's. My father ended up not being my real father anyway, so i figured why not. I recognized him first"

"How did you figure out it was him?"

"He mentioned reading all the books in the library. Which he did. He was a bit of a stalker back then and purposely read all the books I was reading, and I read a lot of different books after school, just to stay away from home because home was either empty or had parents who hated each other. He'd seemed familiar, but I couldn't place him."

"I can't imagine."

"You're not from a divorced home, are you."

"Well… no. I'm not. My parents are kind of average. They get along pretty much although they have their squabbles and my sisters and I get along well. Sorry."

"Sorry? You're so funny. The is the second time you've apologized for something that's good. You're arrive early to things, and you had a good upbringing. You don't need to say I'm sorry for something like that."

"I mean I'm sorry I can't relate. I never know when I was growing up how lucky I was. I guess all my friends were in a similar situation to mine. I've unfortunately met enough people since then to know how lucky I was. I was just thinking something. You're wondering why you had to meet but when you broke up you said there was miscommunication?"

"Yeah. He thought I was only playing with him when I wasn't, and I thought he had a fiancée when he was dating me when It was just on paper."

"So, couldn't you have met him as adults to bring closure to what happened back then? I'm not saying it doesn't hurt. Of course, it does. But maybe the point was never getting back together? Sorry. I'm not making sense."

They had gotten back to his apartment by now and he was trying to make sense of what she had said.

"I don't know. It makes sense logically, but that's about it."

"Emotionally nothing ever makes sense."

"Well, yeah. Let's change the subject, Aikawa. You're freaking gorgeous." And she was. Those shapely breasts. He put a hand under her shirt and made his way under her bra as she checked her phone.

"That's _my_ line. Oh crap! Sensei finally emailed me."

"Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Three hours ago, yes. Now, when I'd like to go to bed with you, maybe not so much. Please don't smirk at me. Even if it is sexy."

"Oi, do your job. I'll wait for you."

"Are you sure? Can I borrow your laptop and your remote access account?"

"Yeah yeah, feel free. I'm going to take a bath."

"Too bad we can't have one together."

"One day we'll go to an onsen together."

"Mmm, that sounds nice," she murmured distractedly as she went to his laptop. Everything was probably like her laptop in terms of remote access, but he waited just to make sure she got in before heading to the bathroom. When he'd gotten out, she was still there typing away.

"Everything go okay?"

"Perfect. He's done everything I asked him. I'm surprised. One of the changes was a bit last minute and he hates that. This is beautiful. He's really outdone himself this time. I'll be surprised if this doesn't get nominated for another award."

"He gets a lot of those."

"Yes. For a guy who's incompetent in so many areas, he's got a way seeing the world that is incomparable. I just need to send this to my boss and Isaka San and we're good to go."

"I just saw him today at a proposal meeting."

"Let me guess. He wasn't prepared at all?"

"Amazingly enough, he was. He'd read the proposal and even had insightful things to say. I was tempted to ask him where the real Isaka was, but then I remembered he's the chairman."

"He's a bit of a manipulative asshole, but he he's got his good side."

"Still, I can think a lot of things more pleasant to talk about. Like you. You really are gorgeous. I don't know why you find that surprising."

"Please. I'm average looking and you look like a model."

"With glasses?"

"Of course. You've got that gorgeous intellectual look and those black jeans you're wearing, well…"

"Well?"

"I'd kind of like to take them off of you."

"I'm so glad I met this real Aikawa Eri. That first one at the restaurant was nothing like this."

"Yeah. She's way too boring and conservative." She started undoing his belt. "Love sucks. Let's have fun, Takano San."

He let his hands and mouth do the responding.

 **Title taken from The Sensual World by Kate Bush. Go Team Aikawa, Go!**


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18 I See You and it's a Heavenly View

Akira was still on a massive high. It was kind of ridiculous. He was way too old to be this excited. High school was a long time ago. Not that he'd acted like this as a teen. He'd been too busy running from school to training or competitions. And if he was honest with himself, which he tried to do, he was pretty full of himself back then. He was young gorgeous, at the top of his game, and he knew it.

 _Ritsu_. He only had to think of him, and it made him smile. This man was perfect and _his_. That green-eyed Adonis wanted him and he was going to make Ritsu the happiest man on earth. t It was good sign that Ritsu had immediately hit it off with Fumi, and Fumi had often been the canary in the coal mine when it came to Akira's relationships. Ryuga also seemed to like him, although he'd also been occupied helping his wife handling their offspring. Siblings were a new thing for Ritsu. He was hoping that his sister wouldn't be too over powering, and, well, she probably was, but Ritsu had been fine.

His mother had almost bought airplane tickets to Tokyo to see what all the fuss was about, until he'd reminder her how he was going to be visiting in a couple of weeks. Without Ritsu. Because they weren't going out six months ago when he'd purchased the tickets. Oh crap. That meant two weeks with Ritsu thousands and thousands of miles away from him. Well he'd worry about that later.

He was at Marukawa for yet another meeting with his editor. Ritsu had never told him how long it took to publish a book. It was such a headache. It had taken almost a year since he'd signed the contract for writing his memoirs, and at that point he'd already written two drafts. He remembered that first meeting and thinking before that his book would be out on the shelves six months from then. How naive he'd been. Well, they were finishing everything today. He had notified Coach's family as soon as he had the book contract in his hand about his plans. They responded by demanding him take out everything related to their deceased relative. Well, maybe Coach shouldn't have had an inappropriate relationship with a minor and maybe he also shouldn't have attempted murderer either. It was just too bad for them. The world needed to know, and maybe, just maybe, less people would be victimized and if they were, then if they knew his story maybe they'd have more courage to get help

And if readers also freaked out that he was bisexual with a boyfriend, well, if that also helped young people who were struggling with their sexual identity to feel better about themselves it would be all worth it. Now if Ritsu would be willing to come out too, that would make it easier. It would have been perfect if the picture insert ended with a pic of them smiling; that selfie from the beach trip would be perfect. It captured Ritsu's cute ferocity or was that fierce cuteness? It was all a dream though. Ritsu had no intentions of ever coming out, and he couldn't exactly blame him either.

After the meeting, which made him happy and yet strangely empty at the same time. He turned on his phone.

The notifications from mail and missed phone calls flashed repeatedly and he frowned. Weird. Within the last hour Ritsu had called him five times and had sent at least ten messages asking him to call. What if it was about that ex of his? If that asshole laid a hand on Ritsu, Akira was going to find out exactly where the shojo manga offices were and have a little visit with its chief editor; a visit which would involve his fists, and hopefully at least one well-placed kick to the groin.

He rolled his eyes at his far-fetched ideas. He knew that scenario said more about fantasy of getting retribution for Ritsu than anything real. Knowing that Takano San was most likely only a floor or two away from him had also helped fuel his imagination. This was ridiculous when he just needed to speak to Ritsu and find out what was going on. Risu answered on the first ring sounding miserable.

"Akira! I'm so sorry! I forget you had that meeting this morning!"

"It's okay. What happened? Are you alright? You sound frantic."

"It's my grandfather. It's just- he died and I just - can you come over? I'm on my way to my father's house and I just - I need you." It was a good thing Ritsu couldn't read thoughts because his was, something like, 'aw, baby.'

"You're not at Marukawa? Because I just got out of my meeting and we could drive together."

"No. I've been with my father all morning. We're just finishing at the hospital."

"Do I need to go home and get changed? I'm kind of dressed casually."

"I know. Your usual t-shirt and jeans?"

"Sweats, but yeah."

"Ah. I hear. We're going to set up the shrine and some close family members are coming over. On second thought, could you maybe change into regular pants and that nice blue blouse?" Akira smiled. They were starting to sound like a married couple. "You don't need anything fancier. Then can you meet me at my father's in about two hours? I'll mail you the address."

"No problem. I'm so sorry about your loss."

"I just saw him last week! I can't believe this! It looks like he died in his sleep."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Hang in there. I'll be there soon."

It wasn't until he was almost at the family house - no, more like mansion, when he suddenly realized the implications of him being there when only Ritsu's father knew the truth about their relationship. For everyone else he'd have to pretend he was his good friend. Oh well. Ritsu needed him, and that's all that mattered.

His father's house looked like it belonged in the English countryside, rather than the suburbs of Tokyo. Akira noticed five servants. There were six people in a sitting room; they had looked at him confusedly but hadn't bothered introducing themselves or asking him who he was. Typical rich snobs. He knew enough about that kind of crap from the thankfully limited experiences he had spending time at the Suzuki main family house. Well, he wasn't there for them. He was just starting to wonder where Ritsu was as he looked around and tried not to feel awkward.

"Akira! Over here!" He turned around and saw the familiar figure by the shrine for his grandfather. He might as well go and give his respects to the man, who sounded unique. He'd known about Ritsu being homosexual and had accepted him. That was impressive for a man who had probably been young in the 1950's.

He gazed up at the picture and started shaking. _Ojiisan_? Ojiisan. The man who was so distant and yet had become so loving and yet respectful when everything blew up with his coach. Ojiisan was dead. Well, he must have been in his late 80s. He felt the tears spill over. Well he'd always been a cry baby. He'd have to explain to Ritsu who was looking at him like he'd suddenly grown another head.

"I'm sorry. It's just… it's _Ojiisan_." Like, that would explain anything.

"Huh? You're acting like you knew him. I don't understand."

"Yeah, well, I did. You know how I said I lived with my grandfather for three years when I was in high school?" He leaned over to whisper the rest in Ritsu's ear, "I told you my grandfather lived with his lover. Well, he was your grandfather." He felt Ritsu stiffen and frown. Which would be amusing if he wasn't so sad, because how funny was it that Ritsu would be offended that he was saying his grandfather had a male lover. "It's so ridiculous. I knew his name was Onodera! I wrote to him at one point, but we lost touch, but I remember now his name was Onodera. How could I have forgotten that?"

Ritsu had steered them up a staircase to get more privacy.

"I think you're mistaking him for somebody else. My grandfather was married. I mean he had kids, obviously I mean that's why he's my grandfather."

"And?"

"Well I mean he was married so there was no way he could have been with your grandfather. Why are you laughing?"

"Well maybe because you're telling this to _me_? It's not like I haven't told you I'm bi before. I mean you even met one of my ex-girlfriends."

That had been awkward, but at the same time good. Awkward because this particular ex had never believed him when he said he was bi. Watching his ex and Ritsu staring at each other in disbelief had been so hilarious Akira had almost laughed in their faces, which probably would have been bad for his relationship with Ritsu. Still, Ritsu had seen enough evidence that it was possible to like both men and women; you'd think a sharp man like him it wouldn't be so hard to believe that his grandfather swung both ways? Well, grandfathers were like fathers; nobody ever really thought of them as ever being young or as sexual beings to begin with.

"Listen. I lived with our grandfathers for three years. And I'm telling you, they were definitely a couple."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Well he did live with his best friend for decades so the story fits. Oh. Now that I think about his friend's name was Suzuki, but it's such a common name I never would have connected him to you." And I did meet him a few times, but I never saw any evidence of anything."

"Well they weren't exactly into PDA. So, let's just clarify. Suzuki San-"

"Well I called him Suzuki Sensei of course. His poetry's famous! We all had to read it in middle school. Didn't you?"

"I was in America then, so no. But in high school we were. The point is I'm right. My grandfather lived in a yukata and kept his hair kind of scruffy and shoulder length and often had a cigarette in his mouth?"

"That does sound like him. I remember being a little scared of him."

"Yeah. I guess he looked a little weird. He was so harmless though. I wish I could have gotten to know them better. They really were lovers though."

"Can you not be so _loud_?"

"The door is closed, and nobody can hear us." Ritsu's room was exactly how Akira had imagined it. It was large, with a bed, a desk, some sort of couch and an over-stuffed built-in bookcase covering an entire wall.

Ritsu looked so cute when he looked flustered. Akira wanted to kiss him then stopped himself. Ojiisan was downstairs in a coffin. A lot of Ritsu's relatives were down there including his mother, who probably wouldn't be so happy to see them snogging away, and Ritsu was still in shock. This really wasn't the time for this.

"I just don't understand, Akira. Sofu was so prim and proper. I can't see him being anybody's lover. How do you know they weren't good friends who decided to keep each other company?"

"They just were, and I figured it out pretty quickly. I can't explain what gave it away. Then one night I couldn't sleep, and I decided to get something to drink, and-"

"Please don't tell me they were getting all hot and heavy in the kitchen."

"No way. But from their conversation it was obvious. Your grandfather was angry when I told them I knew what was going on, in a very refined fashion of course. My grandfather was very blunt and direct though. I still remember him telling me 'you really pissed Ojiisan off' and laughing. My grandfather was fine with me knowing. After that they seemed a bit more open in front of me, but they never even held hands unless they thought I couldn't see. Or they'd give each other these meaningful looks. One time I saw Sofu stroke Ojiisan's cheek when he thought I wasn't looking. They were so cute. I'd look at them and think that's exactly what I want to be like when I'm old, and now I'm with you-"

"Akira, do you know how sappy you're starting to sound?"

"I'm surprised at you. You're the one who worked in Shojo manga. This is so romantic. Our grandfathers were lovers and so are we."

"Now you're going to say it's destiny."

Akira wrapped his arms around Ritsu. His Ritsu. "Well, isn't it? Oh, come on. This is so sweet. I bet our grandfathers are up there cheering us on right now."

"Oh please. Although I think I did read a plot line like this one actually." Suddenly Ritsu yelled out. "I just realized something!"

"Last time we met I showed Sofu a picture. I told you how supportive he was about me being, you know, liking guys, and I was always so amazed that he wasn't disgusted. Well, if he was, you know, bisexual like you I guess that would explain it. He seemed a bit disturbed about the picture of us, and I didn't understand why he was acting so weird, but now it makes sense since he knew you!"

"It could also be that l look a lot like my grandfather. He must have missed him a lot. He died when I was at the Olympics. So that was over ten years ago.

"There's something else that doesn't add up. The last time I saw my father, he was talking about his childhood from when he lost his mother. He said one of his neighbors were a homosexual couple who would bring treats for him and his siblings. I wonder if he was really talking about his father and your grandfather."

"It could be. Your story fits in with mine. I know that my grandfather had originally moved in to help him with his children after your grandmother died."

"So, my father lied to me."

"He probably wanted to protect Ojiisan. I'm sure you know how private he was."

"While we're up here, I need to go to my grandfather's room. There's a box my grandfather wanted to give me."

"Okay. Wow. I wish I had stayed in touch with Ojiisan. He was so special. He reminded me of a British gentleman, well Japanese style."

"I know, right? Always with those suits? I was surprised his hospital gown wasn't a suit when I saw him last."

"So, the official story about my grandfather living with your grandfather was what? They were good friends?"

"Yeah. That's exactly it. And you really look like your grandfather?"

"Ojiisan told me once that when he first saw me, he thought he'd gone back in time, but then my weird clothing and accent gave it away."

"Accent?"

"I'd been in California for four years and it did weird things to my accent. I never noticed it, but a lot of people did." They had reached Ojiisan's room.

"It feels weird going in without permission." Ritsu opened the door slowly and peeked his head in, almost like he was expecting somebody to be there. Immediately Akira smiled as he noticed something familiar; Ojiisan's writing desk from his study.

"That was in the old house! Ojiisan always sat there and did- well, whatever he did. Maybe he wrote letters or did the accounts. Just seeing this brings me back."

"And here's the box. Wow. Do you think he taped it enough times? Let's bring it back to my room and check it out."

It took a lot longer to open it then they'd figured. Maybe Ojiisan had been worried about the wrong people getting access and had hoped that if he taped it enough times in different ways then any intruders would give up?

It didn't look like much, when they'd finally gotten it opened. It consisted of three leather bound books, which appeared to be journals and a smaller box.

"This better not be one of those boxes in boxes kind of thing."

"I don't think so, and I love how you bite your lip when you're concentrating, Akira."

"What? I didn't even notice."

"Wow. Look at this!" Ritsu was handing him an old fashioned black and white picture of two men sitting on a park bench. "It's our grandfathers! I wonder where they are. I can't believe this! It's like I'm looking at you!"

"I definitely can't say the same, Ritsu. Who do you take after?"

"My mother's side pretty much, except for my eye color which is an Onodera trait."

The second box contained more photographs together with a smaller box tied with string which seemed to contain letters.

'Hmm, Ritsu? You think it's love letters? Wow. Who'd have thought Ojiisan was such a romantic.

"Probably not. Maybe it's about publishing and how he discovered Sumi Ryouichi Sensei or something similar."

" _He_ discovered Sumi Sensei? Wow."

"Yep, and many other famous authors. I'm so overwhelmed by this box. I don't even know where to start. Maybe with the journals. It's kind of comforting to get this from him; like he's here still, you know?"

"Maybe. Should we go downstairs?"

"Hmmm. Well, nothing much is happening right now. I think we should spend more time up here alone."

"You've become so direct lately, Risu. I love it."

"It's all because of you, so take some responsibility." It was so quick, how Ritsu had grabbed him closer for a kiss and put a hand under his shirt and started stroking his muscles. He loved how Ritsu enjoyed touching him.

They hadn't gotten far when they heard somebody coughing behind them. Somebody was standing in the doorway which had been left wide open. The good news was it wasn't Ritsu's mother. The bad news it was his father, and they were making out in Ritsu's bedroom, and Ritsu's grandfather had just died. Well at least they weren't in Ojiisan's bedroom. The shade of red on Ritsu's face clashed strangely with his green eyes.

"Otousan! I'm sorry I- uh we didn't- uh, I found the box." Was that a smirk on Ritsu's father's face? He looked a lot like Ojiisan.

"I take it you're Suzuki Akira?" Okay. Well, it could have been worse, and the older Onodera seemed to be finding this amusing, which was hopeful.

"Sorry for meeting under such awkward circumstances, sir."

"What awkward circumstances? You were both innocently looking at a box when I showed up, right?" He winked. Woah. Ritsu's father was not exactly how he'd imagined him. "You really do look like your grandfather. You know he moved in with my family after my mother died?"

"And I lived with them for a few years there when I was in high school."

"Yes, I remember hearing about that from my father."

"I'm really sorry about your loss, Onodera San."

"Thank you. I'm still in shock. Part of me expects to see him walk out of his room. At any rate, Okasan is still looking to set up an omiai for you, Ritsu. Now isn't the right moment, but I think you need to be direct with her and tell her once and for all it's not going to work. She won't listen to me."

"But that's what I was going to tell you! I told her already and she wouldn't listen. She thinks it's a phase."

"Ritsu, you're 27. How long is she expecting this 'phase' to last? Sorry. It's not my business." Akira had jumped in and then wondered if maybe he should be doing something he wasn't particular good at: shutting up.

"You're dating my son. I think you've made it your business. Maybe we could go out for dinner, the four of us."

"Otousan, won't that be a disaster? What if she has a nervous breakdown when she sees Suzuki San?"

"She's a tough lady. She's always been tough, and she'll survive this."

"Who'll survive what exactly?"

And somehow Akira knew life was going to get more exciting as he saw the woman who had to be Ritsu's mother approach them.

 **Title is from A Sky Full of Stars by Coldplay**

 **I apologize if perhaps the story is getting derailed a bit and maybe I'm going a little bit overboard with this 'grandparents in love' side story.**

 **I'll try to rein it in a little. Nao should be making an appearance shortly which should help** **move things along.**


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19 Tenderness Comes with Pain

Masamune was having a shit day as far as he was concerned. None of the authors were cooperating. And now Usami Akihiko was bothering him. He'd been wondering for a while now how Aikawa san had not quit being this man's editor long ago, especially after hearing her go off on the guy a few weeks earlier. That had been entertaining. His new post-therapy self should really have been horrified, but he had been tempted to start laughing at how similar they were in many ways.

So, the last thing he really wanted to deal with when he was about to head out to yet another pointless meeting, was someone like Usami Sensei, who didn't seem to understand that just because this time worked perfectly for _him_ didn't mean it worked for anyone else. Oh well. The more talented the author the more arrogant they were, and it was well known that Usami came from wealth, so no wonder he thought everything revolved around him. He tried to remember that Sensei was Marukawa's star author and a major money maker for the company. He had to put on the politeness filter. That's what being an adult was about, right? He put on his most simpering polite voice.

"Sensei, what a surprise. I'm a little busy right now. Can you call me in maybe five hours?" _Actually, can you not call me at all, you spoiled rich idiot?_ he thought.

Fortunately, the man had been surprisingly flexible. That didn't stop him from dreading the phone call. Somehow, he knew it had to be about Aikawa. They didn't have any other commonality, did they? It had been such a let-down to know that one of his favorite authors was in person so immature. How had he even been capable of writing what were clearly masterpieces? This man appeared to be a living paradox.

After an hour he'd never get back, the meeting had finished, and he had just gotten into the swing of things when he was disturbed by yet another pest, and this pest was also indirectly responsible for him losing Onodera. No, he admitted begrudgingly to himself. Deep down he knew he was trying to fob off his guilt on somebody else. What he did was his mistake alone. At he'd rather face a day full of dental appointments than have to deal with Kiyomiya Nao, who was now standing with that smirk on his face.

But Masamune had changed. The whole reason he'd spent sessions in therapy, was so he'd never come even close to hurting somebody again, and today seemed to be proving to be his ultimate test. When Onodera dumped him finally, his first thought had been how pointless all the therapy had been, but as he now faced Kiyomiya, he realized how easily he could regress if he wasn't careful.

Also, he could scream and rant, but would that _do anything_? Not really. Losing it would only make this jerk feel superior, and Masamune wasn't going to give him the pleasure. But this guy was hardly an Usami Sensei, so he didn't need to be overly polite either. Not even bothering to look up from his work, he spoke in a calm but brusque manner.

"Onodera's not here. He's transferred departments."

"Yes, now that you mention that, I do remember him saying that. I was away in Eastern Europe for the last few months, so I forgot." _And why do you think I give a crap?_

"So, just wondering, since we're quite busy doing work, why are you here?"

"I wasn't thinking. Could you maybe tell me where his office is?" _Like you couldn't have asked the receptionist_? The bastard had obviously come here first to try and piss Masamune off. How satisfying it felt knowing it had been a complete and utter failure. Takano kept his eyes on his computer.

"Second floor. Literature."

"Oh, that's marvelous. That's always been his true love. I always thought Shōjo manga was beneath him." _Deep breath. Deep breath. I can handle this. Oh, fuck this shit. Imagine him falling into a pit of lava. There. Much better._

"He's seeing somebody by the way." And really Onodera being with that Suzuki idiot was a lot preferable to him falling into the hands of the Kiyomiya bastard. Not that it was his business anymore.

"Oh? Well, I guess I'll have to ask him all about it then. Nice seeing you, _Saga Senpai_." Oh please. That Saga Senpai crap had gotten old a long time ago. He imagined Hatori pelting the photographer with stacks of _Emerald_ magazine.

As annoying as that had been, for the first time since he'd made the biggest mistake of his life, it hadn't been painful thinking about Onodera. He still felt a dull ache; but maybe, he really was getting over him. It was strange. Before they'd met again, he'd spent ten years obsessing over him, and yet now it had taken only months and he was ready to move on. But then again, what had been so painful was how unfinished everything had been the first time they broke up. One moment they were lovers and the next his lover had disappeared into thin air. Aikawa san had been right. Meeting again hadn't gone anywhere how he liked, but it was over in a complete way, letting him finally be able to move on.

A cursory look at the clock showed that Sensei would be calling in maybe an hour and a half, and he suspected he would be needing a drink beforehand. Maybe a certain auburn-haired editor wanted to join him. He dialed her extension.

"Aikawa san? It's me. Are you off soon? I'm headed to the izakaya for a drink. Want to come?"

"Yes. Although I might have to make a quick call to a usual suspect."

"Usami Sensei? No problem. He's supposed to be calling me later, by the way."

"That's strange. Any idea why?"

"No clue, but I have a feeling I'll be finding out."

They arranged to meet in the main lobby.

Every time he referred to her by last name, he kept thinking 'Eri.' They weren't quite up for first names, but they were clearly headed in that direction, and that thought somehow managed to terrify him and comfort him at the same time.

After a small snack and drinks, they headed back to her place because, why not. He was relaxing on her couch when the call came through.

"Takano san? This is Usami Akihiko. Do you have a few minutes to talk?"

"Fine. What can I help you with?"

"It's about Aikawa. She's not around, is she?"

"She is."

"Look. Let's just get right down to business."

"Okay…"

"I happen to know your ex, Onodera Ritsu. He was my editor for a couple of my novels. What you might not know is maybe six months back he stayed with me for a week, and by accident I happened to overhear a phone call or two between you. So, let's just say I have an idea of what happened."

"And could you tell me where this is going, because so far none of this is any of your business."

"Well, Aikawa Eri is my editor, so if she ended up with an abusive jerk that would be my business."

"I never realized you cared so much about your editors, Sensei."

"I don't. It would just be rather inconvenient if my editor was unavailable, because the guy she likes was beating her up." Beating her up? Did that mean he thought he had regularly hurt Onodera?

"Excuse me Sensei, but you seem to have gotten a distorted picture of my relationship with Onodera." Wait. This wasn't Sensei's business, and Masamune didn't have to explain anything. "Let's just keep it at this. Aikawa san is a grown woman who knows how to take care of herself, and I haven't, nor plan to do anything that would hurt her, so you don't need to worry." Because it was obvious that this guy was worried but was trying to save face.

Meanwhile, Aikawa was looking at him and mouthing things like 'what?', having caught on that the conversation was about her.

"I said I wasn't worried." _Yeah, keep telling that to yourself,_ Takano thought. Maybe Usami thought if he was caught caring about his editor, she'd take advantage of him. As long as the man left him alone.

"I'm relieved, because Aikawa san would probably want you to worry more about your next deadline than her personal relationships."

Aikawa was too adorable with all her gesturing. Now she was nodding, smiling and giving him the thumbs up sign,

He managed to finish the phone call without alienating the author too much and looked over towards the kitchen where Aikawa had been warming up some dinner.

"it's amazing how for such a brilliant man, your author is a complete idiot."

As she walked over, He took the opportunity to grab her by the waist and drag her over to him on the couch.

"Sorry I'm being a bit grabby. You're just so touchable." They kissed and he untucked her blouse and let his hands wander as he remembered his pet peeve about women: bras.

"Well, so are you."

Suddenly she looked at him seriously as she straddled him.

"Stupid question, but do you still sort of wish you were with your ex?"

"What brought that up?"

"I guess it's been in the back of mind."

"It's going to take time to really get over him, but no. I don't wish I was with him."

"I guess I'm just a bit nervous. Part of me wonders if you'd be happier with a man. I'm being silly. I know we're just friends. I'm just finding myself…" She paused and didn't seem to know how to continue.

"You find yourself getting a little too deep? He moved her hair from her neck and started nuzzling and sucking. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "Would it make you feel better if I told you I felt the same way?"

"Hmmm. That feels nice. Wait." She put her hand on both sides of his face and forced him to look into her eyes. Shit. That fierce look was back. "Don't tell me what you think I want to hear."

"I'm not. I think you're one of the reasons I was able to get over my ex. I think you're right by the way. It was good I met Onodera again, and finished things with him. I still wish I hadn't messed things up, but at the same time, it really feels like I can close the door on it. And right now, you're the one I want."

"So, we're together now?" For a woman who seemed so strong, deep down she was so vulnerable. Kind of like him, oddly enough.

"That's what I'm hoping."

"Thank you, Takano san. I mean, Masamune." She laughed. "I think it's going to take time before I don't feel awkward calling you that."

"Take your time. Eri." He could tell she loved it when his voice got low.

Who knew he could be this happy with someone not named Onodera Ritsu? He had a strange feeling that life with this woman would only make his life more interesting.

 **Title is from It's Only Love That Gets You Through by Sade**

 **This is pretty much the end of Takano's story. Not too shabby for a guy who raped Onodera I must say, so he can't really complain. (I can just hear him saying something like, "Yes, I can. In canon I get the guy." Well, shut up, Canon Takano. My Takano is with Aikawa Eri and he's perfectly happy!)**

 **Thank you Lizzii, for your review! Lizzii requested some 'describable love scenes.' I'm not going to do lemons, but I will try to include a lime of some sort with Ritsu and Akira. It's not my strong suit, which is one of the reasons I end up leaving that to the imagination. I hope you find another story with Onodera as a top. I also like seeing stories where characters are a little bit more flexible, and purposely subverted the whole seme and uke concept in my story.**


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20 Everything I've Ever Dreamed

It was 7 pm on a Sunday and Ritsu had just finished looking at the letters, journals and pictures his grandfather had given him for the fourth time. Akira was in California visiting his mother for her 60th birthday, and he was home alone, thinking.

Sofu had gone through so much with losses, including his father, wife and his first-born son. Ritsu had been named after him, who had been named after Sofu's father, so he'd grown up learning about them both. His great grandfather had been both devoted to Onodera Shoten and was a kind person who loved his family, and his uncle was too sweet for this world, or at least that's how the story went. He had never made it past his twelfth birthday, so his family members couldn't be blamed if they had embellished him a little bit.

On top of these losses, his grandfather had to give up his love, and what could be argued was the love of his life as part of taking over the first born duties which really should have gone to his brother, who had become well known for his research into diabetes, and those duties not only included running the publishing company but also marrying and producing an heir. And even if his grandfather was bisexual, he had been together for over six years with his lover, and it sounded like the breakup had tormented him, especially knowing he had to cause pain to someone he loved.

All this made Ritsu wonder what they would have done if Akira had to make the same choice. Thankfully they didn't. There was no heir to produce for the Suzuki family, and times had changed. Somehow thinking of all of this made him miss Akira more. Instead. He had left two days ago where he was visiting his mother, grandparents, aunts, uncles and what sounded like a myriad of cousins. It must be nice to have such a large family. He only had three first cousins on his father's side; his mother had been, like Ritsu, an only child.

When he'd spoken to Akira last it has been lunchtime there, and it sounded like he was at a huge party, but really it was a 'small' get together in the backyard of his grandparents' house. As opposed to the huge birthday party for his mother they were having in a few days.

All this time Ritsu's father knew the truth about his father. He wondered what his mother would think if she knew the truth about her father in law. She had always shown the utmost respect to him. She certainly didn't like learning the truth that her son was seriously dating a man when she had finally met Akira at the family house right after Sofu's death.

It could have been worse. She could have been the one who caught them making out in Ritsu's room instead of Otou-san. She had gotten straight to the point.

"Hello, I'm Onodera Ayumi, and who might be you be?"

"Okaa-san!"

"It's fine, Ritsu. My name is Suzuki Akira. I'm a good friend of Ritsu's. Please take care of me." Akira bowed and everything was going to be fine.

"What he means is that he is Ritsu's boyfrend." Or maybe not.

"Otou-san!"

"Well, I'm right, aren't I, Ricchan?'

Ritsu looked up and into the eyes of his lover and tried to peel away the embarrassment. This was so not him, but if he had been straight wouldn't he have brought his girlfriend home? He would. He looked at his mother. It wasn't like he hadn't told her multiple times by now that he was gay.

"Otou-san's right. Akira is my boyfriend. We've been together for over six months now."

"Ah."

The silence was torture. His mother kept looking back and forth from her husband to her son to Akira.

"Yumi." Ritsu's mother seemed to wake up.

"It's very nice to meet you, Suzuki-san. Do you also work at Marukawa Shoten?"

"No. I used to play tennis professionally, but now I'm teaching and working on my memoirs. They're going to be published at Marukawa."

"Akira-san was a former gold medal winner in Singles Tennis over ten years ago."

And suddenly Onodera Ayumi found so much to talk to Akira about, and they had managed to get out of that alive, all thanks to Akira's past, but it was one thing for her to admire him. Ritsu still didn't know how well she accepted their relationship.

It was way too early for bed, but somehow Ritsu found himself drifting off on the couch anyway.

He dreamed of two boys waiting outside of a school.

"Oi, you're getting mud all over me!"

"I'm sorry. I just got excited. Don't you get excited about mud puddles?"

'No, I don't! I enjoy being _clean_. And what are you doing here anyway? You don't look familiar."

"I just moved here. I'm in grade 3. I'm Suzuki Haruhiko, but you can call me Haru."

"Onodera Kyosuke. You can call me Onodera-san. What are you going to do with school starting in five minutes and you're covered in mud?"

"Ah. That's so sweet of you to worry, Kyo! I'm sure it will be alright." he put a muddy arm around the other boy.

"Oi! Don't give me nicknames, and you're getting mud all over me!"

The scene changed to a bedroom and the same boys who are now teenagers. One is sitting on a bed. The other is walking over a bottle and two glasses in hand. Both dressed in fancy dress.

"How did you smuggle the sake out, Haru?" Haruhiko poured Kyosuke a glass.

"The place is full of alcohol. Nobody noticed at all. It's a real party down there. I can't believe your brother is engaged. Oh well. I guess even assholes have their soulmates."

"Haru! You really don't like my brother do you."

"He's a jerk. As the oldest, he should be taking over the family business. Instead he gets to do his medical research and you're going to be saddled with all the work."

"It's not like I don't want to do it already. You know how I love books. Don't worry about it."

"Why is it I'm the one more annoyed about how badly your brother treats you? He's always denigrating you. Why are you laughing at me? You can be such a jerk!"

Suddenly Kyosuke grabs his friend and starts kissing him, and Haru responds back. Kyosuke pushes away, looking horrified.

"Shit, Kyo. You don't know how long I wanted to do that."

"Aren't you going to slap me?"

"Slap you? I've been attracted to you since we were in middle school. Just too scared to do anything about it."

"Yeah?" More kissing as the scene fades out to the boys now in their early 20s.

"I'm sorry."

"Look I'm sorry. I thought we'd have more time. I didn't realize my father's illness would progress so quickly. You know I don't want to hurt you."

"I know. So, give me those omiai pictures because _I'm_ handling the research, and if I tell you to skip somebody, just listen to me, because I know you better than yourself, and if you leave me just to end up married to some bitch, I'll never forgive you."

"How will you do the research?"

"I have money and I know a good detective."

"Like the one you used to find out about my brother cheating on his wife?"

"Yes. And it's good I did because if I hadn't the bastard would have told your father about us after he caught us together, and then where would we have been? That bastard only cares about himself. Oh. And here's an early birthday present."

"A poem. Oh. Nice. I see I'm a mountain now? A rigid unyielding mountain' - that is me, right? Nice."

"I might have been a little bit mad when I wrote that."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop with the I'm sorry already! You're being a dutiful son. And I'm selfish because I don't want you to leave me. I'm such an idiot forever loving you, and don't even look at me with those sad emerald eyes. Like I could have done anything differently."

Suddenly Akira woke up with a start. He'd read the journals too many times he was starting to dream about them, and thanks to his studying the many photographs of the two men he'd even managed to visualize believable images of them in his dreams.

He suddenly needed Akira with a need he'd never felt before. It was 10pm there. That wasn't too late for another phone call.

"Ritsu? You can't sleep? Everything okay?'

"Yeah. I just had this weird dream about our grandparents and I- I missed you."

"What was it about?"

"Just their lives together and how my grandfather had to get married and it made me wonder what if we had to split up so you could produce an heir."

"Thankfully, we don't, although you do know that it's legal for _us_ to get married here, right? We could have a beautiful wedding on the beach in California."

"That sounds so sappy, Akira."

"Yep That's me. I am so sexually frustrated, by the way. You'd think being gone for only a few days wouldn't mess me up so much, but just hearing your voice is making me want to hear your voice if you know what I mean."

"You're hearing my voice now."

"I know, but that's not what I meant. I mean stuff like, 'Ah, Akira, there, yes, _there_. More!' That kind of thing."

"I can't believe you! You are such a pervert sometimes."

"Yeah, and you're not?"

"Well. Okay, fine, but you know it's all your fault."

"I'll take that as a compliment. What do you miss about me when we're doing it?"

"That low noise you make when you're almost ready to, you know, and you sort of gasp. 'Ah! So good!'" Everything was 'so good' with Akira.

"Shit, you're amazing at this. It makes me maybe want to do more. It's not as good as in person, but with you on the phone maybe we could have fun anyway?"

"It's so awkward though. I mean you're there and I'm here and-"

"And I'm already hard. I want you so much."

"How do you want me?'

"I want you to take me now."

Shit. He was too good at this. Ritsu was aroused just from hearing Akira's voice.

"Okay, let's do this, and consider it the appetizer for when you come back."

"Yes. The appetizer for our six-course meal."

 **The chapter title is taken from Don't Think Twice by Utada Hikaru.**

 **This is most likely as close as it gets to a lemon here, but I'm mostly interested in characterization and plot to begin with.**

 **About the grandfathers: I ended up coming with a huge plotline for Onodera Kyosuke and Suzuki Haruhiko and will end up using almost none of it, because probably nobody really cares. So, I'm incorporating a tiny bit of the story in Ritsu's dreams as a compromise.**

 **Next up is Nao. Too bad he really didn't turn out to be a genuine friend the way Yokozawa is for Takano. I really wanted to like him, but in canon he's selfish, and manipulative. He says he's Ritsu's friend and acts very high and mighty in front of Takano but doesn't really behave like one at all when push comes to shove. I'm starting to ship him with Haitani Shin.**


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21 Everybody Hurts

Something was wrong.

He wasn't sure what it was, but something was not right with Ritsu. They'd met at his apartment and Ritsu had that look; that 'I'm trying to hold it together, but am about to lose it, and since I'm fine I don't need to tell Akira' look. Well, it wasn't like he was expecting him to change overnight here, and Ritsu's lack of relationship experience wasn't helping. He needed to be patient with him and accept him as he was. Still, this need of Ritsu's to handle everything on his own and keep his emotions hidden, was probably the only thing that really bothered him.

For him being in a committed relationship didn't just mean hot passionate sex, although that was an important component, but it also meant transparency and openness, and this was still very new to Ritsu. Probably because deep down he was still hurting from this Takano-san bastard, and not only from what happened recently but probably what had happened in high school when, due to a misunderstanding and a lack of confidence, Ritsu had seriously thought the man had been playing with him.

He knew from experience the direct route was doomed to failure.

Instead he gave his boyfriend space as he finished preparing dinner. It was getting colder again, perfect nabe weather.

Over dinner, they talked about everything but how Ritsu was feeling and it was starting to drive Akira nuts.

"So, you were going to tell me more about your trip. It sounds like there were hundreds of people at your mother's birthday.

"Not hundreds, but I've got a lot of cousins on that side of the family, so they came, and a lot of them are married so they brought their spouses and children, and my mother's colleagues at her university came so it was a lot. Oh, and my siblings of course, but then we were the hosts, well us and my mother's husband. It was a lot of work, but so worth it. I mean she did so much for us, when we were growing up, and she did it mostly on her own. Now it's back to work. Can you believe the editors want to make one more round of edits on the memoirs? I thought I was finished."

"That sounds a bit right, though. It always takes more time than you think."

"How was your day? Anything interesting happen?" Akira couldn't help himself. Well, phishing didn't count as direct. _You're upset. Just let me in already. Tell me what's going on._

"Nothing much. Well, aside from something happening. I mean it wasn't a really big deal, so I don't even know why I'm telling you." _Oh, man, just spit it out!_ Akira knew better not to say and hoped he was keeping his face sufficiently neutral. So much for patiently waiting.

"Want to tell me anyway?"

"It's just that I was going down to get some lunch from the convenience store. Yeah, I know, I'm trying to get out of that habit, but it's better than energy drinks at least. Anyway, so out of nowhere _he_ shows up on the floor."

By he, that could only mean one person. Takano-san. Shit. Maybe his nightmare of Takano-san trying to cause trouble hadn't been so out of proportion?

"It was so embarrassing, because I literally jumped back, when I saw him. It was so stupid. But it turns out he's dating a woman in my department. Maybe they were meeting for lunch. I just, it made me remember what it was like back when I was working for him, and how I never knew what was going on with him, and how conflicted I was. Stupid reason to freak out, right?"

"I don't think so. He caused you a lot of trauma."

"But that was months ago! And now I'm with you, and I'm happier so why did it come up again? I feel so weak."

"I'm not surprised. For ten years you were obsessed with him, and you weren't clear even then what he really thought about you, and then when you both met again, it wasn't in ideal circumstances at all, and you ended up in a dysfunctional relationship which ended in him raping you. Look, it's not quite the same, but I'm sure I told you about my coach. It took years to heal from that."

"Your coach? I thought you told me you owed winning gold to him."

"Ah. You're right, but I had a coach before him who almost destroyed me. I thought I told you about him? Higuchi Sensei?"

"No." Oops. Well, he usually avoided talking about it. It had certainly been more enjoyable to focus on his triumphs and the days when it seemed the whole country loved him.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. It's a long story, but here's the shorter version. When I moved back here in my teens, my mother had found a coach for me, but what she didn't realize was this coach liked to have sex with the boys he worked with. He was 20 years older than me. I was one of these teenagers who thought they should be treated like adults. I should have realized it was wrong. He was also abusive. Verbally abusive more than anything. He must have realized the stupidity of physically hurt me when he was trying to get me to an Olympic level. Because as a coach he really was at the top of his field, it's just nobody knew about his hidden proclivities.

"Eventually it all came out. I mentioned something to your grandfather which must have alerted him to something wrong, and the next thing I knew my mother had flown in and I had a new coach. I was so pissed off. you've heard of Stockholm Syndrome? I was sort of like that. I was so convinced he loved me, and he was going to leave his wife for me. The family covered it up. I moved on and had therapy for years after that."

"You don't seem so full of yourself now."

"I've matured, although I still have my moments. You'd probably have detested the old me. My mother made me see a therapist, and at first, I was resentful, but eventually I realized that what my coach had done was wrong. So, what I'm saying is you might need therapy too." As he was finishing the sentence Akira realized he had made a detour, and with the way Ritsu was furrowing his eyebrows and frowning it didn't bode well. Well, it would take time especially with the stigma about going to therapy. Shit, this man was stubborn, but then again so was he in his own way.

"Therapy? Isn't that a little extreme?"

"I don't think so, but I grew up with a mother who was very pro therapy. We had therapy when she divorced my father also. We probably needed it before the divorce more though, because he was kind of unpredictable. Whatever. That's a story for another time. But the real short version of that one is we don't really get along well. I don't even know why he married my mother. He was always complaining about everything she did was American. Well, hello, you married an american, asshole."

"That is kind of strange, although maybe he didn't realize it would be an issue when they were dating?"

"Who knows. But it was always she was too American, too modern. I didn't know must of this. I just knew he was yelling at her again, and I just wanted it to stop. And then he'd start yelling at me, and then my brother and sister would start yelling back. It's my day to bring up all the crap in my childhood, sorry. My point is really, that therapy has helped me a lot. It's not something that fixes things overnight but overtime I've been helped. I'm just saying think about it maybe?"

"Maybe." Ritsu must have seen something in his expression. "No, really. I will think about it seriously. It's just not something I've ever thought of doing. Anyway, I'm sorry you had such a bad experience growing up."

"Look, a lot of my childhood was good. My father did have his good moments. Sometimes. He loved that I had gotten into Tennis and encouraged me there, and he always encouraged my siblings with their careers. Of course, the cynical side of me would say this is because our successes reflected well on him."

"My father was just never around. And my mother always seemed to live her life through me when she wasn't concentrating on running charity events. It never bothered me though. We have a huge library and I've always loved reading. Sometimes my father would bring me into the office, and everyone would treat me like royalty, and I got to spend time with my father and I also met all sorts of interesting people and the best part was I always got a book to take home with me. I knew I wanted to go into publishing by the time I was finishing elementary school."

"Ritsu. Just one more thing. I don't want you to suffer, and it just seems like you are still, and I just want you to be happy without having to worry about the past anymore, and if it could help you even a little don't you think it would be worth it?"

"Okay, okay, I did say I'd think about it." Akira smiled. Even at his most tsundere, Ritsu was still his.

"Did I tell you that everywhere I went on my trip it felt wrong because you weren't with me?"

"Maybe once or twice." That smile was back. Then a frown. "You're not just saying that?" Shit, this man needed a self confidence booster shot.

"I hope you know by now that I never say things without meaning it. I'd start missing you, so I told myself that I'll take you to all these places. Like there's a wonderful beach that's quiet I think you'd like. There's long staircase that leads down to it and I really want to take you there. And the Castro in San Francisco. And the Golden Gate Bridge." And gay marriage was legal there and you didn't even have to be citizens, because even though they weren't there yet, there wasn't anything wrong with a little research.

"Well you have me now. And I've gone some free time coming up at least on the weekends."

"That sounds like it would be amazing. I love you, Ritsu." Where had that come from? He was waiting for another place and time for that, but somehow it had just come out. He stretched across the table to pull him over for a kiss, thinking of more enjoyable events to come which hopefully involved bare skin and the bedroom. Ritsu looked up at him with those huge eyes; those eyes which had made him think when they first met at that tennis class months ago, 'don't let him go.'

"Thank you." 'I love you' would come in time and hopefully, some therapy, and Akira was willing to give him all the time he needed.

 **Title is Everybody Hurts by REM. Not necessarily the most validating song ever written, but it fits the chapter.**


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22 You are the Sweetness

As Onodera typed up his proposal at furious speed, he remembered when he was wrestling over his first one, and how it had been rejected, and then how Takano had watched him struggle over it for hours before helping him, and how Ritsu had wanted to strangle him. Still, how good of a boss would Takano-san have been if he'd helped him right away? Maybe having him work on it first on his own hadn't been such a bad idea as he'd thought, or maybe he just had enough experience now. Either way, something had clicked in. Proposal writing was a breeze.

It didn't hurt that this was for an author whose historical mysteries taking place in the Taisho period always sold well. Her appeal was how Saito-Sensei had done her research on the period, how she presented her stories, her storytelling ability and in her engaging characterization. The series centered around a couple who solved murders, while running an advertising agency in Nagano had been popular for years now. Even Ritsu enjoyed them, although he found the premise a little far-fetched. How unlucky could one couple be that they kept on stumbling over corpses?

He was so absorbed in looking over the finished proposal it took him a moment to realize somebody was now standing in front of his desk.

"Ritsu, long time no see."

Onodera lifted his head and smiled awkwardly at his old friend from high school. He and Nao hadn't spoken since he'd made the huge mistake of agreeing to let him stay at his apartment, over half a year ago. Nao never seemed to change. Same short black hair. Same look: tee shirt, jeans paired with high-tops. Maybe the jacket was different but otherwise he looked like the same old Nao; always so difficult to read.

"Nao! How are you doing? Sorry about what happened last time."

"Ah, you mean with staying at your place? Don't worry. It all worked out."

"Are you here for work? I'd like to hear about your Eastern Europe trip, but I can't really talk now. Maybe we can meet for coffee soon?"

"I was thinking if you're not too busy tonight we could go out for dinner."

"Ah. Tonight's not going to work but maybe next week. I need to check my schedule."

"I forgot you transferred, and I went to your old department firs and spoke to Saga Senpai." Ritsu rolled his eyes but didn't bother correcting him. At this point maybe the man was just used to saying it. Nao bent over and whispered in his ear. "He told me you have a new boyfriend. Is that true?"

"Ah, yes. Nobody knows about this at work though," Ritsu looked nervously.

"I know. That's why I'm whispering. I'd like to meet him. I hope he's a step up from Senpai."

"It's fine. He's a good guy." Onodera felt relieved. Nao wasn't acting so much as a guy in love but more like a concerned friend. Still, he couldn't help feeling tense. The last time he'd seen Nao was that day when Takano and he were trying to get out of the rain, and he didn't want to think of that nightmare now.

Ritsu visualized Akira to comfort himself. Not that he should need to feel comforted. It was ridiculous, because Nao had helped him so much in England. Everyone had ignored him, but Nao hadn't given up; he'd believed in him and helped him heal, and yet ever since he'd re-entered his life it had only made things complicated. Then Nao had confessed to liking him, which had really messed everything up, so Akira being with him when they went out could only be a good thing.

Akira. How wonderful he was. His smile, his easy-going demeanor, his gorgeous facial features, abundant self-confidence not to mention that muscular torso and those strong legs. Ritsu had always been so awkward about love and sex and the truth was, he still was a lot of the time, but Akira had let Ritsu be himself, even as he'd slowly eased him into being more comfortable doing things he'd never thought he'd ever do, and he never seemed to be in a hurry, but asked nicely. "Ritsu, can I hear your voice more? Ritsu, does this feel good? Do that again, it's so good." All in that low calm voice that turned him on so much.

"You okay, Ritsu? You look a bit red. Are you feeling feverish?" Oh shit. How could he have been thinking about sex with Akira when Nao was still there?

"I'm fine. It's just a bit busy at work. I'm sorry for being so rude. I, uh, got distracted. I really want to catch up, so I'll call you later about dinner plans if that's good."

"Great. I need to go anyway. I'm supposed to be on the fifth floor in five minutes. I'm putting another book together with a friend of mine from my Eastern European trip. I'll tell you all about that later."

"Sounds exciting. Good luck."

He never felt happier to get back to work, and after he finished his work day, he felt grateful again for having a more regular work schedule. He ate healthier -aside from the odd meal when he used the energy drink supplement- and his apartment was, for the most part, less like a disaster area and more like a home. Okay, so he still was guilty of using his couch as a dumping ground at a times, but he'd gotten a book about organization skills (okay, Akira had bought it for him), and after he'd pouted, because the gift was a nice way of saying 'Ritsu, you are a slob,' he'd read it and it had found it surprisingly helpful.

Akira was coming over for dinner again. This time it was Ritsu's turn to cook, which he'd also been improving, although he still had a small repertoire of dishes he knew how to make, but everything he made was tasty so far. After preparing the curry putting up the rice in the cooker and making a salad, he rested on the couch and waited. Lately it seemed like they were seeing each other every night, either at Akira's apartment or his. Akira knocked and then entered with the spare key and slid off his shoes. The man seemed to get more gorgeous each day.

"Hey, babe, I love when you drool all over me."

"Has anyone told you you're an egomaniac?"

"All the time. What's for dinner and can I help?"

"I'm done for the most part. Can you set the table?"

"Of course. Anything exciting happen?"

"The usual work stuff. I had a phone meeting with Maeda-Sensei, and I finished up a proposal. Saito Sensei's coming out with a new book. The meeting's tomorrow. I doubt I'll have problems."

"Oh great. Of course, she also has an amazing editor. She's good. I think I learned more out the Taisho period from her than in history, although the last book was a little formulaic."

"I'll make sure to tell her that. Then my friend from high school in England, Kiyomiya-san showed up." They both had filled up bowls, sat down and said itadakimasu.

"Kiyomiya Nao? Your old roommate from high school? The guy who confessed to you and then disappeared for months? Not that I'm complaining or anything."

"Yes, him. I still don't know what he was thinking there. But he does need to travel a lot for his work. He ended up meeting Takano-san who told me about you. I mean he told him I was dating, so He wants to meet us for dinner. I never know what he's thinking." Ritsu frowned. What had Nao been thinking and why did he want to meet Akira? Nao seemed to be treating him more as just a friend. Maybe he'd gotten himself a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend? He'd never even suspected Nao was bi. He was always talking about girls back then.

"Hey? You there?" Oops. How long had Akira been trying to get his attention? "You seem tense. Is something wrong?" Akira was way too perceptive sometimes.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to space out. I was just thinking. Nao's the only friend I had England and he helped me start getting over Senpai, but we lost contact after high school. Then last year we met again at Marukawa because He was publishing a book of his photographs, and I was excited, but Takano-san hated him and Nao hated Takano-san, because he fount out Takano-san was Saga-senpai, and I hadn't exactly said such great things about him.

"Then when Nao confessed to me it made everything confusing. I tried to tell him I wasn't interested. Then he asked if he could stay at my apartment and I felt obligated because of how he'd helped me in the past, even though I knew Takano-san would be angry. Then one night we were coming home late and right when we got to the building Nao was there at the entrance. I guess he was waiting for me to let him apartment."

As Ritsu talked he went back in his mind and everything came back so vividly. The rain pouring down. How they ran from the station, after talking about that project for Mutou-san they were working on together. That closeness he'd felt with Takano-san, and how maybe he really was falling for him, and for the first time it had felt good working with him too, because it wasn't just boss and subordinate, but colleagues. Then there was Nao at the entrance and seeing that destroyed look on Takano-san right before he'd dragged Ritsu inside and... It was all coming back. This was months ago! He was _happy_ now! Why was he crying about this _now_?

"I'm s-sorry." His tears were blurring his vision. Akira led him to the couch, flinging a bundle of clothing to the side and holding him close, and he couldn't stop the tears, which was so _ridiculous_. "I don't know why I'm so emotional."

"It's okay. It sounds like you just never dealt with it properly. Now that your life has settled down, seeing your friend triggered the memory. Also, you just saw Takano-san a few days ago."

"But it's so old now. I'm with you now. Why can't I get over this?" Ritsu felt another sob come and gulped trying to stop it.

"It's okay. Just let it out, Ritsu. You don't need to apologize." They lay there with Akira stroking Ritsu's back while he sobbed. Finally, Ritsu sighed, grabbed a tissue and blew his nose loudly and looked up at his lover.

"I'm okay, now. Thanks. "I'm sorry. We should finish eating. Dinner's getting cold."

"Yeah. Ritsu cries his eyes out. But what about dinner? It's getting _cold_!" Akira looked so comical, Ritsu started laughing, and then kissing made everything better; that and exploring Akira's muscular abs a bit before finishing dinner. Well, every day was a good time for that.

They ended up meeting Nao two days later at a family restaurant near Ritsu's apartment.

Everything was going well. It was clear that Nao was appraising Akira; like he was his older brother. They were also checking if they knew any of the same people. It helped that pretty much everyone in Japan knew who Suzuki Akira was at the height of his fame ten years ago, and Nao was no exception. Ritsu tried to relax. Akira didn't have the baggage that Takano-san had, and he was also a likeable guy. There really was no reason for Nao to dislike him.

"Since you're the famous Suzuki Akira, it means we have a connection you might not be so excited about. I was thinking maybe I shouldn't tell you, but you might as well know, and my family will probably kill me if they found out we met, and I didn't say anything."

Akira smiled but looked confused. "I'm not sure I'm understanding you?"

"My mother's maiden name is Higuchi."

"Yes?"

"My uncle was Higuchi Michio."

Ritsu suddenly felt he lost any understanding, but somehow it wasn't going anywhere good. Akira had this weird expression on his face, sort of a cross between sadness and anger, and Nao was also looking awkward.

"Got it."

"Yeah. I just thought I should tell you. Maybe I shouldn't. I don't want to bring up unhappy memories. It's really messed up. I heard that at any given time he had one kid he'd targeted."

"I'm not quite sure what you're talking about?" Ritsu interjected.

"It's the coach I was telling you about. The first one."

"And he's your uncle, Nao?"

"Yeah. Anyway, you probably don't want to talk about him, so we don't have to dwell on it. I just remember how shocked we were. He never tried anything with me. I always got along with him. Whatever. I hear my aunt is really pissed off that you're writing about him."

"I'm sorry she's upset, but I didn't want it to be a shock for her when the book comes out. You can tell her I've consulted a lawyer and there's no libel issues."

"Sure. I mean I'm mostly getting this from my mother since I've been out of the country. She seems to think its defamation. Whatever. I think she's still in denial, so you've made for a convenient enemy. I think I'll just not tell her I've met you. She seems to think you're only out for the money- "

" _Excuse me_? That's bull shit. I wasn't the adult who started an inappropriate sexual relationship with a minor, and I wasn't the one who killed themselves and tried to take somebody else along with them."

"Crap. I shouldn't have said anything. I have a bad habit of just saying what comes to my mind. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"It's fine. I do the same thing, and I'm not purposely trying to hurt your mother, his widow, kids or anyone else. It's just what he did was wrong, and he kind of screwed up my life, and it's not just me, this crap happens all the time, and I want to be able to say I went through hell and I'm okay, but what happened was wrong." Somehow Akira had managed to find all three chopstick covers and had rendered them all into a mess of confetti since they'd started talking about his coach.

"Yeah. Got it. Let's change the subject and talk about somebody a lot more interesting. Ritsu. Want to see some pictures from when we were in England? He used to let me take pictures of him for practice. And then sometimes I just didn't tell him I was doing it."

" _Hah_? You brought pictures with you? You never said you used to take pics without permission!" Secretly, Ritsu breathed a sigh of relief. But what this part about his coach killing himself and trying to take somebody with him? Was this about the accident Akira had somehow managed to avoid telling him about even though they'd talked about so much of his life? Akira looked calmer and happier now at the mention of pictures.

"Pictures of Ritsu? Yes, please!" Ritsu was having a hard time glaring at his boyfriend, who was looking so excited and happy again, and no longer with the tortured look he'd had when they were discussing his coach. "Well, you've seen enough pictures of me when I was a teen."

"Yeah, like the rest of the country."

"It's not my fault everybody loved me then."

"I see this guy doesn't have any confidence issues, Ritsu."

"You've got that right."

"Should I even mention I know more people you know?"

"That doesn't sound good. Okay fine. Just tell me."

"Well you probably won't remember him. "Takada Eiji. He and I work on travel photography books together." Akira looked a bit embarrassed. And maybe just a bit guilty?

"Ah, well, if he's somebody I met when I was around 18 or 19, I pretty much don't remember most people I, uh, got to know back then." Got to know. Ritsu smirked. What a nice way of saying the people he used have casual sex with during his promiscuous years. This Takada Eiji probably was one of a sea of people Akira had slept with. He was lucky he'd never gotten an STD back then. Ritsu couldn't even imagine such a life style, but then again, he'd spent his college years cloistered with his books and only hung out with An-chan, aside from sometimes checking out the girls in a desperate and pointless attempt to convince himself he was straight. Not that he was looking at the guys either. At one point he'd thought of himself as Takanosexual (or Sagasexual, as he'd thought of it back then.) Between trying to forget about the man (also pointless) and wanting him and drowning himself in schoolwork and internships at Onodera Shuppen he'd made it through his college just barely.

"Ritsu? You there?" How long had Nao been calling his name?

"I think he's in Ritsu-space now, Kiyomiya-san." Akira said way too calmly as he sipped his tea.

'That's what you call it? I used to call it Ritsu Dream Land."

"Hello? I'm right here!" He'd been hoping they'd get along, but this was too much.

"Yeah, it's dangerous to tease the brilliant creature known as the Onodera Ritsu."

The rest of the evening went so well, Ritsu almost forgot Akira had almost had a meltdown.

Later they were relaxing on the couch hopefully as a prelude towards more enjoyment in the bedroom.

"That went really well. I thought he was going to hate me at first, and I was shocked he brought up Higuchi-sensei, but then we really got along. I guess he felt obligated as a nephew of the bastard to say something."

"I can't believe you both actually have a name for when I space out, which doesn't happen that often."

"Yeah, just every other hour."

"Akira!"

"Okay maybe not, but you must admit, Ritsu-space sounds good. It's like your safe space. It's a great coping mechanism."

"Yes, but it's not like I try to do it. And what's this thing about your coach, suicide and taking someone with him?"

"You really want to know? Now? It's kind of long."

"Well, yeah. Does this have something to do with the accident which killed your career? Which you told me you never had by the way."

"I did?"

"Yeah. On our first date you told me you'd never gone pro, but I found statistics and articles on multiple tournaments you took part in. Okay, so I had some free time and wanted to see your face."

"Aw. I don't even remember telling you that. I might have been just avoiding telling you something depressing. I played professionally for two years and loved it. I had multiple brand endorsements, advertisements and the amounts I was getting in prize money was very generous. I was maybe just a little full of myself."

"So not much different than now?" Ritsu winked and smiled.

"Ah. Yes, well I've always been blessed in the ego department. I was probably even more full of myself. It's a good thing we didn't meet back then, aside from you being in love with another man. Everyone knew I swung both ways, but the media never said anything because I was their darling."

"Yeah, you might have mentioned this beforehand. I still don't get the appeal of sleeping with half o Tokyo." And he certainly wasn't jealous knowing so many people had gotten such easy access to Akira, and even if he were, they were together now.

"You're not missing much. So anyway, after one match I was talking to my girlfriend of the time. The one we met a few weeks ago in Ueno Park. Then Higuchi-sensei came to speak to me. I just wanted to go back to the hotel, eat dinner and sleep. He congratulated me and suggested we talk in private. I don't know why I got into his car. I guess I figured we'd drive around, and then he'd take me to the hotel. So, we were driving, and it seemed okay. He was telling me about the athletes he was working with, and then he just started acting strange. He'd been drinking from a large water bottle and on impulse I smelled it when he wasn't looking, and he'd been drinking sake.

This was in Fukui City by the way and Sensei ended up driving to the Tojinbo cliffs, and by then he was not making any sense talking about how I ruined him and how his life was nothing now. At some point I realized he was planning on driving over the cliffs. I managed to unlock the door by crawling over to his side and I jumped out, which is really not a great idea, but then right after that Higuchi-san drove off the cliff and he ended up drowning in the car. Still, if it wasn't such a tourist area I might have died. Luckily, I was seen when I ejected myself. And that was the end of my promising professional career.

"But, hey, I'm alive and well so I can't complain, right?"

'I'm so sorry, Akira." Ritsu didn't know what to say as he brought his boyfriend into a comforting hug.

"It's okay. It happened years ago. I'm okay now. Okay it was hard losing my career. I'd worked so hard to get to a certain level, and I knowing that I could never reach it again was maybe the worst part of everything, but I went to university and got a degree in sports medicine and nutrition. I also had a lot of therapy. Physical therapy, occupational therapy and also I saw a psychologist twice a week. Then around six months ago I was subbing as a tennis instructor and this gorgeous guy walked in and something told me to pursue him."

"Suzuki Akira, you are the sappiest man alive."

"It's true though. Okay, I did have a feeling that you liked me, which is always an ego boost, so I asked you out even while I was worried that you were going to call me a pervert."

"I thought _you_ were going to call _me_ a pervert! The only reason I asked for so much help was so you would touch me while you were showing me how to hold the racket." Ritsu waited for him to say something silly about how hot he was, but instead the man cupped his face and stared into his eyes with a serious expression on his face.

"Ritsu, I'm so glad we're together."

"Me too." Ritsu ran his hands through Akira's hair and moved in for a kiss. "I love you Suzuki Akira, scars and all."

Comforting turned into a lot more intense pleasure on the couch in the shower and in the bedroom before they fell asleep exhausted.

And Ritsu dreamed of two men both in suits. One who looked like Akira but with stubble on his chin, and a cigarette in his hand. Suzuki Haruhiko. He was standing over Ritsu's grandfather who was dressed in a suit and seated at his desk.

"You're not going to the wedding, Haru?"

d

"Excuse me? It was bad enough at the engagement party. I'm not sticking around while you get married. I'm sick of Tokyo. I'm going to Paris."

"I'm sorry."

"Quit it with the apologizing! Just, I don't know, be happy, and use your wedding present."

"Nobody gets people a house as a wedding present."

"Well I did. If you don't like it sell it and buy a new one."

"I still think it's excessive."

"Well I didn't know what to get for the love of my life to celebrate him ditching me and marrying a woman. Shit. You don't have to look at me like that. I know it's not your fault. You're a good man so just say thank you and take the deed and the keys already."

It faded into another scene of the two men who looked at least ten years older. Suzuki Haruiko now, had his signature look of yukata, long straggly hair and a cigarette. Onodera-san had the usual suit on. How strange they looked together and yet obviously so close. They were in the kitchen.

"Everyone's asleep?"

"For the third time yes. And for the third time we are in the kitchen so watch where you put your hands and at least stub your cigarette out. You know it makes me nauseous."

Akira's grandfather stubbed out the cigarette. "Happy now?"

"Not really."

"So, let me comfort you. That's what lovers do. You're always like this when it's this close to Obon. You're thinking of Harumi and Ritsu." Harumi was Ritsu's grandmother and Ritsu as in his grandfather's son who'd been named after his father. Ritsu noticed how the men were very close in height but Akira's grandfather was taller as he pulled him in for a hug.

"I just don't understand why. He was so innocent and pure. I just keep thinking how he told me his mother was waiting for him. Why did he have to die?"

Suzuki massaged the other man's back, but they didn't know that somebody was watching them from the door. Ritsu's father had seen the whole thing and he would end up confronting his father, and yet perhaps it would also help him to accept his son years later.

Ritsu woke up with a start. He shouldn't have been surprised that he'd deamt again about Suzuki Haruhiko and Onodera Kyosuke. By this point he'd memorized the journals, letters and photos that it wasn't surprising. He'd never realized his grandfather had dealt with so much loss, and what about Akira's grandfather who could have tried to find a second love after his lover had married but had refused? What would he have done if his grandmother hadn't died? Would have waited for Sofu the rest of his life?

And Akira? How had he handled so much trauma? His father had sounded borderline abusive and then this crazy situation with his coach and almost dying? Maybe it was good he had an ego the size of an elephant. He'd gotten a lot of support as well from his mother and siblings. How he loved this man. He wrapped his arm around Akira, who, thankfully, was a deep sleeper and closed his eyes.

 **Title is from Sweetness and Light from Lush**

 **Originally, I first wrote this with Kiyomiya Nao as an antagonist, but it didn't really ring true. It's hard to write him because in canon he's very not black and white, so it's hard to really have a good grasp on his character. He's partly good friend but he's also a manipulator, but he's not mean-spirited either, unlike Haitani Shin, whose motivation I still don't understand.**

 **I**


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23 You Don't See Me

As Ritsu waited in the small waiting room with one eye on the door as if to look for an escape route, he wondered why he'd let Akira talk him into this whole therapy nonsense. Akira had never seemed more American than when he was going on about the benefits of therapy and how it had saved him. It would be so tempting just to leave. Well it would be if Akira weren't there with him. Also, it had unnerved him how he's reacted to seeing Takano-san on his floor; he didn't like how his ex could freak him out so much even now, and if therapy was a way to help him finally get over his first love then he was willing to try.

He looked over to Akira who was flipping through a magazine and looking sexy in his shorts and polo shirt. It was barely 15 degrees out and the man was already dressed for summer. Well, he did look hot with those muscular legs of his. And that chest. Hopefully it wouldn't be too awkward, because as supportive as Akira was being, he was probably mostly going to be talking about Takano, and Akira had made it very clear exactly what he thought of the man. It had almost led to Ritsu defending the idiot, when he really wanted to flush the Takano toxins out of his system. Or did he? Some of his sweetest memories were of Takano. Was it disloyal to treasure those moments? Akira would say no if he asked him, but deep down he was as jealous as the next guy, so maybe not such a great topic to discuss. Maybe the therapist could help him, assuming he'd find the words to even express without falling apart from embarrassment.

Akira looked up, put the magazine on Ritsu's lap and squeezed his hand discreetly yet supportively under it.

"Nervous?" he spoke low and quiet.

"Yeah. Are you sure this will help?"

'Well, it depends on how you get along with the therapist and how good they are but if all that's in place, then, yeah, I know I'm repeating myself but it helped me a lot, but you have to be prepared to work."

"Yeah, you said."

"Sorry, I know I'm being repetitive. I just- want you to be the happiest you can be."

Ritsu frowned and looked down at the magazine feeling Akira's fingers as they massaged his hand under the magazine. Not like anyone was noticing, but it had been nice anyway, especially for a man who didn't care who knew he was bisexual, and probably wished Ritsu was the same way.

"Onodera-san," a woman's voice called out. "Reizei-sensei can see you now."

They were led to a small room with a desk, numerous degrees on the walls and a woman who looked to be in her late 30s who sat behind the desk.

"Hi. I'm Reizei Masako. Which one of you is Onodera Ritsu?"

"Ah. I'm Onodera Ritsu, and this is my… uh... my boyfriend Suzuki Akira-san." Onodera felt stupid. Well, it wasn't his fault if this was hard to say. He'd spent so long hiding his sexual orientation. It wasn't easy for him to be open now.

"I see. Can you tell me why you came to see me? Everything we say is confidential so you shouldn't feel concerned about revealing any aspects of your life. Like how a doctor might have to look at private areas to make sure you're healthy, it's the same way here."

Ritsu took a deep breath and started explaining his history with Takano Masamune. It was awkward at first, especially with Akira in the room, but Reizei-sensei was patient and whenever Ritsu met Akira's eyes he only saw sympathy. As he reminisced about his first high school, he could almost smell that distinctive book aroma that only a library could emit, and how he'd felt. He had thought it would be torture, but somehow found it freeing, maybe because he knew how far he'd come from those days? Either way, retelling it had been fine. Then they'd moved to when he'd started at Marukawa and re-meeting Takano-san.

"So, let me see if I have this correct. You switched companies and found that your next door neighbor and immediate boss was Saga-Senpai, only he'd changed names?"

"Yeah. I didn't realize it was him because it had been ten years, so he'd changed as well. Still, I don't know how I didn't recognize him. It was so obvious after the fact, but he'd changed. Or maybe I had just changed. I had decided that I'd had enough of love, and I was going to be single for the rest of my life." Ritsu looked at Akira who smiled and had the decency not to make any corny comments in front of the therapist.

"What happened then?"

"He confused me. As my boss he was weird. He'd go back and forth from being supportive to being well, overbearing and almost mean. He kept testing me in a way he didn't do to the other subordinates, and okay, so I was new, but. I had three years of editing experience, just not in manga. He would say things like I'm being half-assed. It didn't help that he yelled a lot especially when we were in hell week."

"Hell week? How colorful."

"Yeah, it's when the magazine has to go to the printers but usually at least one of the authors are late, actually that would be amazing, it's more like a third of the stories aren't ready and the printers are calling and basically forget sleeping longer than half an hour at a time showers or regular meals for a week.

"Then like I said, we lived next to each other and he'd told me he'd get me to say he loved him, and the truth was at first I wanted to be left alone, but he confused me all the time going from being nice to being a jerk and then-" Ritsu thought of the times Takano-san had initiated sex when he really wasn't sure if he wanted it, and wondered how to even talk about that part. He felt himself blush, which angered him somehow.

The calming voice of Reizei-sensei floated through telling him to take his time.

"I don't know how to say this part. I mean I do, but it's awkward."

"Say only what you're comfortable saying. I'd like to get a full picture as possible, but you shouldn't feel forced at all." How ironic when he was thinking of just how consensual things were with Takano.

"I want to talk about. Let me think. So… I was a bit, well, I was tsundere. I was starting to fall for him again and I didn't want to. And I have a hard time being open about my feelings, so I might have frustrated him, and I think I also gave him mixed messages about what I wanted. I think he cared about me, but it just seemed that the only way he could show it was through sex. He would either find a way to get into my apartment or get me in to his, and it's not like this was the only thing we'd do and sometimes I wanted it also, but maybe not all the time. I'm not making any sense am I."

"You're doing fine. Take your time."

"It's just a bit embarrassing, but Takano was always the one who initiated… things… uh.. sex that is. I never did."

"And did you want him to do it?"

"Sometimes, but not always, but then I'd feel closer to him afterward, and he said he loved me. I was just so confused most of the timed. Then when I did, I decide I wanted to try and have a relationship with him, but I was always so nervous, and I could never think of what to talk about. He was the only person I ever had a relationship with. I didn't realize that wasn't a good sign."

Somehow, they got passed the minefield of their confusing relationship and had gone on to Nao re-entering his life and had finally made it through the night of the rape.

As he talked, he felt like he was finally letting go of all the frustration, helplessness and anger.

They ended the session with Ritsu feeling a little better. He'd accepted that he'd loved Takano Masamune, and it was okay to see the good in the relationship and yet to see what a disaster it was especially compared to being with the man who he felt so comfortable with, that the fear he'd been feeling that this easy comfort meant they weren't soulmates was bs. If anything, his inability to get comfortable with Takano was a much bigger sign that there was something wrong.

"You okay?" They had gotten into the car. It probably was hard for Akira to hear everything he had to say about a guy he couldn't stand.

"Isn't that my question? I think you did well for a first-time session, but still you went through a lot of terrain there. Hopefully next time she can start working with you on coming to closure with that guy."

"I'm okay. It's probably difficult for you to hear me talk about another man"

"Without wanting to run to Marukawa and throttling him? Yeah, well it's good you're dating a man with a lot of self-control." Akira smiled as he put the car in drive and signaled and Ritsu started laughing.

"Yes, it's a good thing I'm dating the sexy yet oh so humble Suzuki Akira, right?"

"Exactly."

"But seriously, I could see how different we are. I used to freak out trying to figure out what to talk to him about. Except for work I was never comfortable just being with him. It took me hours just to ask him what type of food he liked. We talked more on our first date than I did in months with Takano-san. I think I'd regress a bit to when I was so infatuated with him and yet I was still so frustrated and angry at him, and he didn't really help. I know I frustrated him. I was so tsundere. I just… couldn't help myself."

"He also had more important priorities, like getting you into bed. Although I don't understand how anyone could have wasted all those opportunities for hot sex by letting you do your dead fish impression. Too bad for him he never experienced the real pleasure when you're in the driver's seat."

"Akira! Can you stop being a hentai for maybe more than one minute?"

"Probably not. Aw, no fair, I'm driving, and I can't see you blush. Oh great, a red light. You're so delicious when your cheeks get all red like that."

"You just love making me blush."

"You're right. But you look so cute I can't help myself."

"What's this about your excellent self-control you were talking about? Anyway, it's not fair. You never blush!"

"Ritsu, I don't blush as much as you do, but I definitely blush and you've seen me blush, and you're the one who's been responsible too. Like when we were doing the doctor role play last weekend. Let's do that again. Maybe in cosplay this time? You'd look amazing in a doctor's coat, stethoscope and nothing else, and I can be in pain because ' _it feels so weird down there, Onodera-sensei_.'" Akira let his voice sound pathetic and sad.

"You are too much. Changing the subject, when are we supposed to be at your brother's tomorrow night and please tell me you remembered to gift wrap his birthday present."

"Ritsu,we ended up using a gift bag instead, you don't remember?"

"Oh, right. I don't know how I forgot that." Ritsu yawned and stretched his legs.

"You're just stressed from worrying about the therapy, and your mother's phone call probably didn't help either."

"Don't remind me." Ironically, for someone who still had a problem with Ritsu being homosexual his mother got along better with Akira than she did with her own son. Now she was kind of hoping Akira would help her change Ritsu's mind, which made absolutely no sense. Akira, though extremely shocked, had managed to get out of the conversation with her still liking him a lot. He pushed his bangs away from his face and watched Akira drive. If Akira blushed, he didn't do it nearly enough.

After dinner Akira was tired and had gone to bed first Taking off all his clothing Ritsu slipped an apron on. Feeling slightly ridiculous, he went to his boyfriend, got on the bed and straddled him. The guy was out cold. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea? Well he was he one who said he liked Ritsu in the driver's seat.

"Akira," he let his voice get low and sexy. "You've been a very bad boy."

"Huh? Go to sleep, Ritsu, I said I'd take out the garbage tomorrow." It was clear Akira was more asleep than awake, and Ritsu felt perhaps a little guilty waking him up, and yet he looked so delicious with his glorious chest there for the taking and just in boxers.

"But we didn't finish our meal, and I'm still hungry."

Watching Akira blink awake slowly, Ritsu knew dessert was going to be delicious. And it was.

The next night the two of them showed up 5 minutes late, which was 10 minutes later than Ritsu wanted and 5 minutes earlier than Akira liked, so they'd compromised.

Akira's brother's home was lively. There was Suzuki Ryuma, his wife and three children, whose names Ritsu still hadn't quite memorized yet, but enjoyed treating Akira like their personal climbing gym. The oldest was not quite 5 and the youngest 18 months old and quite a climber. Suzuki Fumi Akira's friendly and lively sister was there also. Ritsu had spent time with them a few other times and it had always gone well, although it was clear that although Akira's siblings were completely fine with Ritsu being male, his sister-in-law wasn't nearly as accepting. She didn't say anything had welcomed him, but her discomfort had been clear.

"Uh, I might have made a mistake today." she spoke up.

"Yeah? Everything okay?"

"Well the thing is Otou-san called today to say happy birthday to Ryuma, and I didn't realize it was him and I ended up telling him about the party."

"Oh shit." Akira said, obviously not remembering that children were in the room.

"Uh, _Oji-san_ , there are children here." Ritsu swatted him playfully with a napkin.

"Oops. Sorry. I'm just, he's kind of the last person I want to see tonight, and I don't think I really wanted you to meet him yet either, Ritsu."

"He might not come. He sounded a bit upset that we hadn't called him. I'm sorry. I wasn't looking at who called, and I thought it was you, Akira."

"Oh great. Just who I want to be mistaken for. It's okay, don't worry about it."

"Well you do sound alike," his sister tried to helpfully state, or maybe not so helpfully, she and Akira tended to enjoy teasing each other when they got together, and the way she was smirking seemed to indicate the latter option.

Then they'd spoken to the matriarch of the family virtually through skype, which had been nice. He'd seen pictures of her and spoken on the phone fairly often since they became official, and so far everything had been okay, although Ritsu suspected that Akira, being the baby of the family, had maybe been spoiled by the woman, and hoped she'd judge him favorably. Luckily she was distracted by her grandchildren.

And then the elder Suzuki-san showed up, and Ritsu couldn't believe how much Akira resembled him. It was kind of like getting a glympse into the future, because although Ryuma and Fumi were more of a mix of their parents, Akira was practically a clone. Ritsu couldn't help but wonder if this is what Akira would look like in 30 years or so. He was just about to make a funny comment, when he noticed how tense Akira looked, his shoulders hunched and his eyes somehow darker than usual. There was something scary about his look, and it was somewhat mirrored in his sibling's expressions as well. He knew Akira didn't get along with his father, and the man sounded at the best borderline abusive, but somehow he hadn't realized what that meant. He moved closer to try and show support. He smiled hoping he'd look up but Akira kept staring down at his lap morosely.

The older man seemed oblivious as he greeted everyone and finally stood in front of Ritsu.

"Hello? Are you Fumi's newest boyfriend? Don't be frightened off by how brilliant she is."

Akira glowered at his father and grabbed Ritsu's hand possessively.

"Father, this is Onodera Ritsu. He's my boyfriend."

"Did you say _Onodera_ Ritsu?"

"Yes. Onodera Ritsu. He's Onodera's Kyosuke's grandson. You know. Sofu's lover," Akira said matter-of-factly, while Ritsu tried not to freak out. He knew he should have introduced himself to the man but couldn't seem to find his voice. Akira continued proudly. "Ritsu's an editor at Marukawa Shoten. He discovered Maeda Rumi Sensei."

"Ah, very nice. I'm surprised you're not at Onodera Shuppen, Onodera-san."

"It's a long story. I hope to eventually go back, but right now I'm doing well at Marukawa."

"And you're happy with my son."

"Well, yes I am."

"That's nice. Look, I know I'm not welcome here. I just wanted to with Ryuma a happy birthday and see everyone. The children are all growing up so fast. It reminds me of when you three were children."

It was so awkward with Akira and his siblings clearly wishing their father would leave, and yet he looked so unhapy; it was hard not to feel sorry for him. The guy had brought it on himself, but at the same time, Ritsu felt for him. Maybe he regretted his behavior now his children were grown.

Suzuki-san ended up taking each of his children aside to talk privately.

It was only when they were on the way home did everything come out.

"My father is so - argh! It's so frustrating. He treated us like crap when we're kids and now, he wants to be close? What the hell?"

"What did he say to you?"

"He apologized for not treating me well, but he still managed to say stupid things like, 'I just wanted you to be happy so that's why I wanted you to date women especially since you've dated women in the past.' Like, hello, the man I'm with is making me happy just accept it! Sorry, he just always manages to piss me off. And then he was really freaked out that you were an Onodera."

"Did he not like my grandfather?"

"I think it's more like he grew up being told his father was a bastard, so he ended up hating him and anything to do with him.

"I wonder if my grandfather would have been happy with how you described him."

"You mean as my grandfather's lover? I thought about that, and I think he'd be fine. We never talked about this but reading everything he left you it was clear he wished he could have been able to be more open at least with close relatives. I think he was jealous that he couldn't be open with my grandfather the way we are."

"Like we are? Last I checked, we're not exactly open about our relationship outside of family."

"Yeah, but he wasn't even open with family. The only reason your father knew was he walked in on them. Otherwise he still wouldn't know."

"I felt kind of sorry for your father. He seemed so sad and lonely."

"Well then maybe he shouldn't have been such an asshole when we were growing up then. I can't just say 'oh hi, Father, I love you anyway. Let's be close!'

"Yeah. I hear."

"You think I should do it anyway."

"No." Ritsu put his head against Akira's chest and wrapped his arms around him. "It would be ridiculous of him to expect that, but you could give him a chance to prove himself."

"He'll probably prove himself to be just as big of a jerk as he always was."

"Yeah. There is a risk of that, but if he really wants to change it might take time and do you really have anything to lose by letting him have another chance? With some rules in place that is."

"Rules?"

"I mean that you can say you'll let him in your life, but he has to follow certain guidelines."

"Hmmm. Like if he starts saying negative crap, I can hang up on him."

"Yeah. I obviously wasn't there when you were growing up, so what do I know? It's just, I saw how lonely he looked and I also so how sad and frustrated you and your siblings looked. It was just so sad."

"Aw. You're sweet. I don't know if this is fixable, though. Well at least my mother seems to like you."

"Yeah? It's just weird because we haven't met and it's so obvious, she's checking me out."

"She has a bad habit of doing that with people her kids date, but she really wants to meet you in person. Okay, she has a bad habit of thinking nobody's good enough for me, but I really think she likes you."

"I hope you're right." It was so nice being home and comforting each other. "Akira? I've been thinking a lot since we saw the therapist. It's helped a lot already. I really did love Takano-san. I was feeling weird that I had good memories as well as the bad with him, but you're okay with that, right?

"Please. It's normal. I have good memories with a few of my exes. I even get along with some of them."

"Yeah, and we keep on running into them," Ritsu grumbled.

"Aw, jealous?"

"Yes. A bit. I mean, I'm not really."

"Well, I'm jealous too, but the thing is it's fine that part of you will always have a soft spot for those memories of Takano-san. He was your first love, and that's special, and I'll always think you were amazing for having the courage to confess to him. I think you're just amazing, and I'm just glad you chose me."

How he could say something like that without blushing, but somehow even though it sounded straight out of the Shojo stories he used to edit it, he couldn't stop smiling.

"That was one of the cheesiest things you ever said to me… and… and…" He looked up right iinto his eyes, "I love you Suzuki Akira."

"Yeah. I know."

" _Hah?"_ Ritsu grabbed on to Akira and threw him down on the couch, knowing full well that Akira loved it. "Is that really what you want to say, _Suzuki_?"

"Onodera-san, please, I'll be a good boy." This was starting to be new exciting role play with them. Ritsu smiled down at Akira, who was hamming it up maybe just a little much as he pretended to act scared with his eyes wide open.

"Oh yeah? Isn't there something _else_ you need to tell your _master_?"

"I love you, Ritsu. I'm so lucky we're together. But I do have news for you." Before he could react, Akira had grabbed him, and pulled him into a submissive position. "I'm now your master." Ritsu smiled, wrapped his arms around Akira and brought into a deep kiss. They were going to have fun tonight.

 **This chapter is a bit of a mishmash. I'm mostly nearing the end of the story. Thanks for reading!**

 **I find stories where fictional characters write commentary kind of silly, but for some reason I keep imagining canon characters talking back to me: Takano who is not amused and thinks any story that isn't a Takano x Onodera story is just plain wrong, and Suzuki Akira is way too perfect to be real, and no he's not jealous at all. Onodera who is amused and likes the idea of getting to top sometimes with an athletic gorgeous guy but thinks some of the dialogue way too sappy. Kirishima, who would like more scenes with him and Takafumi please and understoods the author doesn't write lemons, but maybe just in their case? Aikawa who definitely likes the idea of her and a tall dark and handsome guy in her life, but her BL fangirl side thinks she's committing a punishable offence by being in a het ship with a guy who had a boyfriend. Isaka wondering why he isn't in it at all? (Because you're a manipulative bastard and I feel sorry for Asahina?)**

 **Title is from Everclear - Father of Mine.**


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24 Changed for the Better

A few weeks later, Ritsu was peering at Maeda's manuscript, trying to puzzle out what wasn't coming together properly. Maybe it was just too soon for a sequel. Her debut novel was going to be a tough act to follow, and he'd spent multiple hours soothing Maeda-sensei so far on that exact subject.

What was so frustrating was how close she came to write another brilliant novel, but something seemed off, and Ritsu couldn't place what it was. It was like having a word on the top of your tongue and not being able to find it, and it was driving him nuts.

At 6:30 he finally gave up. It had been a long day, and Akira was making okonomiyaki at his place. Just thinking of food made his stomach grumble.

Maybe in the morning something would start to make sense. After a nice evening of dinner, conversation, and amazing sex. Ritsu felt himself blush. He'd changed so much since he'd met Akira, but somehow just thinking of anything bedroom related made him turn red. He'd have to just accept it. At least that's what he was learning in therapy every week. Some of the messages he was getting were corny, though. No wonder Akira loved this stuff: Love yourself, try to change but accept your limitations. She even suggested he look in the mirror and say how great he was and hug himself and he'd turned to look at Akira expecting him to roll his eyes, but instead saw the guy smiling way too brightly and then he remembered the poor man had been infected by the four years he'd lived in California not to mention the many summers and other vacations he'd spent there. Obviously, he'd ended up with long term side effects.

He stretched put a few folders in his briefcase, grabbed his coat on and trudged towards the elevators.

After he'd entered, he realized he'd gotten an 'up' elevator. Not that it really mattered. What came up must come down, right? He sent Akira a message that he was on the way home, leaned against the side of the elevator and exhaled. He noticed absently as the elevator emptied on the fourth floor and one person got on. Then it continued up. Then he heard a very familiar low voice.

"Onodera." _Takano-san._ His first instinct was to freak out. Takano-san and him alone in an elevator. Then he remembered how ridiculous it was. How long would they be in the elevator together? Two? Three minutes tops?

"Takano-san. How's everything at Emerald?"

"Fine. Our new editor worked at Sapphire for a few years, so she adjusted quickly How's literature?"

"Great. I'm working on Maeda-sensei's new novel right now in fact."

Right when Ritsu was thinking everything would be alright the lights went out and the elevator stopped moving and suddenly he remembered he was in a small box that could easily -well okay, not so easily but possibly- plummet to the bottom of the building and he was stuck here with Takano-san.

"Shit. It's dark in here."

"I know. I think you were closer to the phone. Can you reach for it?"

"I'm trying right now. Ah. Got it. Great. Nobody's responding." He got his phone and dialed a number. "Eri? Was there a power outage? No? I'm in the elevator and it suddenly stopped the power's out and everything's dead. The phone isn't working either. No not my phone the elevator one. Yeah, I'm going to call 119 now. Can you call maintenance? Also, Onodera Ritsu from your floor is here. Yep." Then he mumbled something Ritsu couldn't make out - not that he was listening!

The lights went back on which was good, but the elevator was still not moving.

As Takano called emergency services and explained the situation, Ritsu sent a quick message to Akira.

 _I'm in a bit of trouble. I'm stuck in an elevator. And there's one other person with me. This is so typical of my life. Can you guess who it is? And no, it's not Kisa Shouta._

 _Your ex?_

 _Ding ding ding._

 _Are you okay? Want me to come beat him up?_

 _He's not causing trouble. Relax. I'm just a bit feeling maybe a little closed in right now. I'm okay though. Don't worry. Also, the whole problem is we're stuck here so no access to beat anyone up, not that it's necessary. Takano-san called 119 and somebody else is contacting maintenance. So hopefully we'll be out soon._

 _Okay, let me know._

Ritsu felt Takano's gaze on him as he closed the phone, looked up, and noticed his former boss was wearing his typical attire of jeans and a black hoodie and of course those glasses. He used to think he looked so hot in those stupid glasses. Ritsu wondered if he had a type because when he compared Takano and Akira, they were almost nothing alike. Where Takano was tall, lithe with short dark hair, Akira was not much taller than Ritsu, muscular - almost stocky, and he tended to grow his caramel colored hair to his shoulders before he finally conceded to a haircut. Not only that they didn't even dress remotely similar. Akira's preference was summer sportswear, with his uniform of short sleeve polos and shorts. Did Takano even own a pair of shorts? Ritsu had almost never seen Takano-san smile the whole time they were 'together'. Meanwhile the almost annoyingly cheerful Akira smiled practically never frowned. He was probably frowning now though. The man was very open about despising Takano-san and had admitted wanting any excuse to beat the man up.

"So. This is about as cliché as it gets; Two ex-boyfriends stuck in an elevator. Make it het and I can think of at least six stories I've run in _Enerald_ with this scenario."

"Mutou-sensei had one a few months before I left."

"Ah, right. _Strawberry Sherbet_ "

"Actually, it was _Love Star_. _Strawberry Sherbet_ was Saitou-sensei." It might have been immature for Ritsu to feel superior for remembering this trivial bit of knowledge, but he didn't really care.

"Ah, yes... So…"

"So…" Ritsu started noting a stain on one of the tiles. If he looked it at sideways, it kind of looked like a map of Italy.

"I still freak you out _this_ much?" Takano didn't sound as annoyed as Ritsu would have imagined, but more like… disappointed.

"I'm not freaked out, Takano-san. I just don't like enclosed spaces."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault we're stuck here. I'm sure we'll be out soon."

"No. I mean I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I didn't realize… I didn't realize how much I was pressuring you. I just wanted us to be together."

"It's okay."

"It's really not though."

"Look, I wasn't so perfect, either. I know I frustrated you back then and we didn't really communicate well. It's fine. We've moved on now. I'm a lot happier, so it's fine."

"You never were happy with me were you. Even in high school. You were always so nervous, always apologizing. You were so baffling. So courageous on one hand and yet so fragile."

"Well what do you want from me? You were the first person I ever loved, _and_ you were a guy, and I had no clue how that worked, and I was still hoping maybe I liked girls."

"You're fine, Onodera-san. My point is you're a lot better off now." And yet his voice continued sounding sad… maybe wistful, so unlike the old Takano-san, maybe because the obvious implication was that Ritsu was better off without _him_? It probably still stung, even if it was the truth.

"I think… I think it's good we met again, Takano-san. It was good we got to clear up a lot of misunderstandings. I am a lot happier now. Work is going well - not that I didn't enjoy my time at Emerald. It wasn't what I originally wanted but it was a good challenge, and I learned a lot." _And I'm with a man who makes me feel wonderful, happy and fulfilled,_ he left unsaid.

"Even though I raped you?" Ritsu had forgotten how to the point this guy was.

"Look, I'm not going to say that wasn't the worst night of my life, because it was. It was worse even when I thought you were toying with me when we were teenagers. I'm not. You already apologized for that, though and I've moved on, and a lot of wonderful things have happened since then, so I'm going to concentrate on that.

"You're doing okay though, Takano-san?" Was it ridiculous to ask that? Was it stupid that somewhere deep down he still cared about this guy? Why did he even care about the guy anyway?

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm dating Aikawa Eri in your department. She's Usami Akihiko's editor. How anyone can edit for that man is beyond me."

"I don't know how Aikawa-san's done it for so long. I barely survived after two books with the man."

"Yeah, she's nice, but she's fierce when she wants to be. Oh. That's her now, excuse me. Eri? Any news? Oh, 'they're working on it.' Ah. And they can't tell you how long it's going to be of course. Oh, and you've got company? Ah, well tell Suzuki-san not to worry. Nothing's going on here. Tell yourself not to worry either and exactly how I'll be making it up to you later." Ritsu was remembering how irritating this man was. Something about his smirk, but maybe Aikawa-san liked that about him? Wait. What had he just said? _Suzuki-san? Akira?_ And if the man was flirting with his girlfriend openly in front of him he must be doing a lot better than before.

"Onodera-san? You there? I see you still go into the Ritsu Zone."

"The _Ritsu Zone_?"

"That's what I called it when your eyes would glaze over; it was like you were in another universe. The Ritsu Zone."

"It's called thinking, Takano-san." What was it with people coming up with names for when he spaced out? "Why is it taking so long?"

"No clue."

This wasn't nearly as horrifying as he'd feared it would be, although there wasn't much to talk about after they'd caught up on the happenings at Emerald. And yet a year before they were boss and subordinate, neighbors and lovers (sort of). How had that ever seemed normal and not dysfunctional? Now he had Akira. Who was downstairs with Aikawa Eri waiting for him. He dialed his number.

"Ritsu, you heard I'm downstairs?"

"Yes. I'm sorry you had to come over. I hope you ate dinner already at least."

"Nah, I had a small snack. When you texted, I hadn't started cooking yet, so I figured we can just get some take out later. They think it's almost fixed and you'll be out soon."

"Good."

"Oh, and it turns out I know Aikawa-san's younger sister from university. We were both in the tennis club."

"I think you know most of Japan, Akira." It seemed like whenever they were out somebody or various acquaintances would come up and say hi, and that didn't count the fans who sometimes came and asked for an autograph. Those were nice, since they were almost always polite, and Akira felt good about being remembered. It was the exes, and the men and women who openly flirted with Akira which really drove Ritsu nuts sometimes.

"Ritsu you there?" Oh no, not again, Ritsu frowned. Did he really space out _that_ much?

"Yes. Sorry. I was just thinking." _How I missed hearing your voice and how grateful I am to have you._ He really should have said that, but with Takano in the elevator he opted for a more subtle approach. Okay and he knew he was a bit of a tsundere, and it was fine and the therapist said he should accept himself so Akira could too.

"Yeah, I know. You're a deep thinker."

"You're making fun of me!"

"Maybe, but you're cute. You're like that sculpture of that man who's got his fist on his chin and he's thinking. You know, by Renoir?"

"I know, and I think you mean Rodin. Oh, and I'm not cute."

"Okay, fine, but the important thing is that the guy's _naked_. So, he's probably thinking of where he's going to get some, and since it's you, hopefully he'll be thinking of me."

"Pervert."

"I won't deny it."

"You deserve a second gold medal for being the biggest pervert in Tokyo. You can keep it with your other one."

"Aw, thanks for the nomination. I'd nominate you for biggest tsundere in Tokyo but lately you're more dere than tsun so never mind."

"Oh, be quie- oh wait, we're moving!"

"See you soon!"

When soon came, and he exited the elevator, he noticed Akira's dark look towards Takano-san, who immediately noticed and smirked.

"Suzuki-san, relax. Nothing happened. It's nice to meet you officially and if you'd like to punch me anyway, you can go ahead and do it."

"Masamune!" Aikawa Eri was pretty good at showing her displeasure with her man. Maybe that was the type of person Takano-san needed? Meanwhile Takano-san was grinning at her and was clearly enjoying himself. "Nothing happened, so Suzuki-san doesn't need to punch you."

"Joke, Eri. It's a joke. I just figured I'd say what he was thinking." He bowed towards Akira. "Takano Masamune. I'm on the fourth floor most days if you change your mind about punching me out. I hope you continue taking care of Onodera-san." It was surreal watching Akira politely bowing in response.

"Suzuki-Akira and taking care of Onodera Ritsu is my life's goal."

It was corny. So typical of Akira, and really, he should be annoyed, but somehow Ritsu was way too overjoyed to care.

 **Nearing the end here. Excuse the cliché here. I wanted to have them meet up again now that they've both moved on, and it was the most convenient possibility although the chances of him being the only one in the elevator is somewhat unlikely.**

 **Song title is from Sia because Takano-san has changed for the better, and I really think he'd be better off with someone like Aikawa-san who could love him and yet have no problems calling him out as necessary.**

 **I'm even thinking of a Takano x Aikawa fanfiction fleshing out their relationship and having him find his biological father. Can you imagine a middle-aged guy who looks like Takano? I'd have to add a disclaimer for having a het story from a BL manga, though.**


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25 Take Our Time and Make Me Love You Good

 **This might be slightly limey, kind of like you've got your drink and you squeeze a bit in?**

"Seriously, Ritsu. I don't know how you did it back there with your ex like that. I mean, the last time you saw the bastard, you flipped out when you just saw him and today you were stuck with the guy for almost an hour and you were fine."

The two of them were relaxing on the couch, after having had a quick meal from the convenience store. Akira was just so snuggable. Ritsu sighed contentedly.

"It wasn't that bad. I guess he's changed, although he still gives off this aura of 'if you don't like my way screw you'. Still, I guess I'm happy for him that he's over me now. I felt like I've gotten to the end of that story if that make sense?"

"Only a bookworm would say that, but I know what you mean. But If you suggest going on a double date with him and that red-haired chick, I might do something we'll both regret."

"Her name is Aikawa Eri, and why do I get the feeling you wouldn't be regretting whatever you're fantasizing about? Maybe you should get on your game console and play one of those battle games you have, rename all the bad guys Takano and beat them all up? Oh, and you can take your hands off my ass now."

"Mmmm, but you feel so nice there." Akira gave him a squeeze, and he gasped in surprise. Why did that even catch him by surprise to begin with?

"Yeah? Well just so you know it's my turn to be enjoying your assets tonight."  
Ritsu said in English so Akira could get the full benefit of his multilingual pun talents.

Akira laughed and while he was distracted, Ritsu easily stuck his hands underneath the elastic of Akira's shorts. That was one nice benefit to Akira wearing casual sports clothing; it made for easy access. He was rewarded by the sound of Akira's gasping and whimpering as Ritsu felt him up. "You feel pretty nice here as well," he whispered knowing full well Akira went nuts with his whispering especially when he was touching him.

If somebody would have suggested a year ago that he'd be in his living room feeling up his boyfriend's nether regions and enjoying the exhilaration of making somebody else feel good, he would have said they were nuts. So much had changed, and it was all so good. He felt a surge of emotion fill him.

He loved this man, so why couldn't he just tell him. They'd been together now for months, and he never really told him he loved him. Somehow he's put on his tsundere act and get away with it. And that wasn't good enough. He needed to show it. Now. Well maybe not now. First, they'd head to the bedroom and then they'd finished taking care of each other. Then, he'd tell him.

While they were lying in bed cuddling after some role play… Another thing he'd had to get used to. So they were holding each other in bed after a quick shower and he was still trying to figure out what to say. Why did this have to be so difficult? Okay Akira was being disarming, the way he was looking him directly in the eyes and holding him. Even his scent was distracting him. That musky hard to define aroma that drove Ritsu wild. Akira was too busy enjoying the afterglow to notice the change to his mood, which was good because normally the man picked up how he was feeling way too quickly.

"Ritsu, you're amazing. I definitely created a monster in the bedroom but it's a good monster, so I'll let you live."

Why did this man catch him off guard all the time and make him laugh so easily? Right when he wanted to be serious?

He playfully slapped his boyfriend - that seemed to happen a lot with them- and pretended to be upset. "You're actually calling me a monster?"

"An extremely intelligent and sexy monster with the most gorgeous green eyes I've ever seen."

"Akira."

"Yeah?"

"Can we be serious, just for a moment?"

"Ah. Sure."

"I just started thinking about things..."

"You? Thinking about things? Are you _kidding_ me?"

"I did ask if we could be serious."

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry! Continue."

"So okay. I'm just thinking about relationships and us also, and, how I had no clue what relationships were supposed to be really. I must have known vaguely from books maybe, but I didn't realize that… that it's a process and it's not something where if it's not perfect all the time you're doomed." He looked up. He wasn't getting very far here. "Sorry, I'm not making much sense."

"Yes, you are. You're fine, although you say I'm sorry way too often, and I don't want to repeat myself except that I know I say that a lot, but you really don't have to apologize to me."

"Well, sorry!" Ritsu replied sarcastically and smiled.

"Anyway, keep going. I like what I'm hearing."

"Okay. So… where was I?"

"Relationships are a process."

"Ah! Yes. And sex can be amazing and even hilarious, I mean I never really thought I'd laugh so much during sex."

"Maybe because you were too busy with your dead fish impression before."

'Will you stop with the dead fish impression? What even is a dead fish impression anyway?'

"You. Lying there and doing nothing. I thought we'd gone over this on what was it? Our second date?"

"Can I continue please?"

"Oh. Sorry."

"Now I have to remember where I was again."

"Uh… sex is funny?"

"Especially when I'm dating a clown like yourself. Crap. This is not the mood I was going for."

"And it's my fault. Okay. I promise to be serious now."

"So, moving on, I also learned that it's okay when we disagree and that doesn't mean our relationship is over and you might be a selfish arrogant know-it-all sometimes…"

"Wait, am I supposed to be enjoying this?" Akira was acting so humorous and he really wanted to laugh, but he needed to focus and stay serious. He looked down and concentrated on a mole a few centimeters below Akira's belly button.

"But the fact is I just can't imagine a world where… I'm not by your side. I don't even want to imagine a world where we're not together. I just want to be with you for the rest of my life." He took a deep breath and looked at Akira for his reaction. He looked like he was still processing and then smiled broadly.

"Hey wait. Is this kind of like a proposal?"

Ritsu paused. It really was a proposal wasn't it? He hadn't planned it that way. He'd just wanted to say I love you. And yet… a proposal. Was there any reason why he couldn't propose to Akira right now? No. There really wasn't.

"I don't have a ring or anything to give you and do men even give each other engagement rings anyway? Whatever. I… I love you Suzuki Akira. Will you marry me?"

"Shit yes, but we have a problem." A problem? Well they had multiple problems like would his mother really accept them, or did she still think this was a phase, and gay marriage wasn't even legal in Japan.

"What problem, because I'm perfectly fine with adult adoption. I kind of like the idea of being Suzuki Ritsu in fact."

"Not that kind of problem, although I always figured I'd be added to your family register and Onodera Akira sounds better. No, the problem is we're supposed to be having the sex _after_ the proposal, not before."

"Oh darn. Too bad I'm not dating a strong athletic man with high stamina who can easily top me when I want him to."

"So basically, you're saying you want us both to have aching hips tomorrow?"

"Well if it's too much for you, I'll understand." Ritsu tried for his most patronizing look ever and sighed dramatically.

Akira laughed and pushed Ritsu down. Straddling him, he nuzzled into his neck while fondling his chest. "Forget that. Let's do this, Rits." Like they weren't going for another round of sex but saving the world. And with his voice turned all low and sexy and his scent… Could life even get better?

 **Chapter title is from a very old and cheesy song, but somehow it fit. Human League – Rock Me Again & Again & Again & Again & Again & Again. Even the title is ridiculous. Except its a cover of a James Brown song. Oops.**


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26 - I Will Always Love You

6:20 at an izakaya; the perfect time for a drink and snacks. Maybe not the greatest time for meeting his prospective father-in-law, but then when would be? He checked his watch and sipped his lemon sour. What had he been thinking? It had sounded so obvious when he'd gotten his number from a very reluctant Akira, and yet now he was having second feelings. He really didn't need to be doing this. Akira and his siblings couldn't stand the man and even though Ryuma was in closer contact with him, he had confided to Ritsu that it had only been because he didn't want to make the same mistake his father had done and deprive somebody of their grandchildren, but he also tried to stay away or come late whenever his father visited.

Still. Something about the man had haunted him when he'd met him at Ryuma-san's birthday party. No. Nii-chan now. He'd have to get used to that. Akira's father had looked lonely and sad.

Yes, it had been his fault, and Ritsu hated seeing how different Akira became when his father was around, and even though the man was probably a homophobe with an anger management problem, maybe there was something Ritsu could do by meeting him? Also, every close family member on both sides knew about the engagement now. It was the right thing to tell him. Without Akira, who was fine with Ritsu's meeting his future father-in-law, but wanted nothing to do with it.

He had arrived fifteen minutes early; enough time for him to have a low-alcohol drink which relaxed him without inebriating him. The last thing he needed now was to start having unfiltered speech in front of somebody like Suzuki Riku-san. He could just see himself drunkenly confronting the guy and telling him to stay away from the love of my life and other embarrassing things he'd be prone to say under the influence of alcohol. He finished his drink and thought of a smiling Akira and how strange that a year ago they hadn't even met yet; how could he have lived all those years without knowing him? And now here he was meeting his father, becoming embedded in his family the same way Akira was in his, and making their own family of two.

Suzuki-san arrived a few minutes ahead of schedule. Ritsu got up and bowed slightly in deference. It was a little unsettling how much Akira looked like his father.

"Suzuki-san, thank you for seeing me on such short notice."

"it wasn't difficult. I'm semi-retired now."

"I hope it wasn't too surprising for you, meeting me at Ryuma Nii-san's birthday party."

"Yes and no. I've known about my son for years. What was surprising is that you're Onodera Kyosuke-san's grandson. I assume you know about my father and your grandfather's… relationship."

"Ah, yes. I found out shortly after his death."

"Ah. I had heard. I'm sorry about your loss"

While the older man went to order food and a drink, Ritsu wondered if Akira would look like this in 30 years or so. Their mannerisms didn't seem so similar, but then again Akira hadn't lived with his father by the time he was ten and really didn't have much to do with him after that point either.

"I still can't believe of all the people Akira could be dating he ended up with Onodera Kyosuke-san's grandson. If that isn't karma, I don't know what is."

"Karma, Suzuki-san?"

"Sometimes things just can't be changed. You might know that I didn't get along with my father. I never understood him. In my generation this type of relationship between men wasn't accepted and wasn't even talked about. All I knew growing up was that the way my father was destroyed my family."

"That sounds difficult."

"Still. The fact that my children dislike me and have little to do with me is what I deserve. I ignored my father, and my children do the same. Even Ryoma, he only lets me see his children out of obligation which is more than I deserve. I tried to keep my children away from my father and his… lifestyle, and I have a son who thinks it's perfectly normal to date both men and women. And now that I realize how wrong I was it's too late. He's not interested in seeing me, I take it?"

"Not today. Sorry."

"I hurt him a lot. I hurt him, his brother and sister and his mother. So why are you meeting me today?"

"We're getting married, Suzuki-san."

"Married? Last I checked, that wasn't legal here."

"You're right. We're going to do adult adoption here and get married in California. It's legal there and as you know, Akira has family there." Akira had, in one of his sappier moments, gone on about how they could hang up the document as a visual reminder of their commitment to each other as spouses. Now if they could just get past the minefield of who was being added to who's family register… Maybe Suzuki-san would ignore that question?

"So, are you being added to Akira's family register?" _Oh well. So much for that._

"Ah, so… no. I hope you aren't offended. Akira wanted to be added to my family register." And he'd just forget to mention the part where Akira happily mused on how badly his father would take this rejection of the Suzuki family and mainly his father.

"Okay. I deserve that." That was awkward. Ritsu couldn't exactly just say, "Yeah, cold abusive bastard, you do!" It was odd how the person he'd have thought he'd hate so much was more pitiable than anything. He'd lost the most. He had remarried but was now divorced. He lived alone and his children detested him. That had to hurt.

"For what it's worth, I think Akira wishes he had a better relationship with you, but it's hard for him."

"Thank you, Onodera-kun, but that's not true. He wishes I would quietly disappear."

"He has a lot of pain from his childhood and with you, but I think he might be willing to give you another chance. I think you should keep trying, just understand It might take a long time for him to accept you."

Suzuki-san nodded seriously.

"Thank you. You're seem like a good person for Akira, Onodera-kun. Congratulations and tell Akira congratulations as well."

"Thank you, Onodera-san. That means a lot."

"I'll leave first." Ritsu watched as the older man carefully folded his napkin, put on his jacket and walked out with an aura of sadness hovering over him, leaving Ritsu to feel a bit melancholy.

He needed a place to go to where he'd feel free and relaxed; a comfort zone. And Books Marimo was only a few short blocks away. He had a new purpose to his stride as he headed there, and as soon as he entered the store and smelled that bookstore smell he sighed in content.

First, he walked over to a table which featured Maeda-san's debut novel which had been reprinted with the words "Naoki Award Winner emblazoned on the front." Could life get better than that? Okay so Maeda-sensei could do just as well with her second novel, but he could be patient.

He'd survived his meeting with Suzuki-Riku, and now everyone who they'd planned on telling was told from family and friends on both sides. This was really happening. Their families would be joining. If only their grandfathers could be there. Maybe they'd be there in spirit?

Akira was probably wondering what happened to him. He took out his phone.

 _Hi. I just left the izakaya. I'm at Books Marimo now._

 _Wow. You went to a bookstore? I'm so shocked!_

 _Hahaha. You are so funny._

 _Want me to pick you up?_

 _Could you?_

 _Sure. I had a feeling you might head over to the bookstore near the izakaya. I can see you now in fact. Shit, you're gorgeous._

Ritsu was still puzzling over that one when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He jumped and turned around to see Akira with an amused smile on his face.

"Hey, babe."

" _Hey, babe_? I thought you were home! Were you actually trying to scare me?"

"Not really, although you're cute when you jump like that. I did tell you I could see you though. You seem tense. I think that's typical when meeting people like my father. How did it go?"

"It went well actually. He seems sad. I felt bad for him."

"Fine. Just keep in mind that the man you met cheated on my mother and emotionally abused her and his children, so maybe he's getting what he deserves."

"That's what he said. He said it was karma that none of you want to be in his life."

"Because he didn't want us in his life. And now that he's lonely and divorced again, he wants us to forgive him, but it's hard to forgive someone like him; he didn't even visit his own father until he was dying. Whatever. So, what he did he say to you when you told him about our engagement? He probably went on and on about homosexuality being wrong and what a big mistake I was making, right?"

"He didn't. He said I was good for you. I really think he regrets how he used to be."

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"Well he's right of course, but that's a bit of a surprise. Maybe he has changed, although I doubt it. I know what you're trying to do, and it's a great idea just don't expect much."

"Yeah. I just want… I don't know."

"Ritsu, you're too cute. But you _do_ know, you just don't know how to tell me. Just think what you want to say and tell me."

"Okay, I know. It's just… I saw the way you reacted to your father at the birthday party. You looked so unhappy and not yourself at all. I just wish I could help make it better."

"Yeah, and that's amazing and sweet. It's just some things aren't fixable."

"Yeah. You're right. It's going to take time for me to get used to marriage. You know. In-laws. All the other stuff that comes with becoming a married couple."

"Having second thoughts?"

"No! Ah! Sumi-sensei has a new book out. I think I'll buy it." Ritsu picked up it and started looking at the book cover.

"Hi, Change the Subject-san. Nice to meet you."

"I'm not changing the subject. It's weird how our families are going to be related, though."

"They already were. My aunt told me my grandfather also became an Onodera. Your grandfather adopted him so he could make the right decisions for him when they first found out my grandfather was sick. Apparently, my father was beyond pissed off when he finally showed up at the hospital and found out the next of kin was named Onodera-san. You told him I'm being adopted by you, I assume?"

"I wasn't going to, but he asked me. He's very direct. He told me he deserved it."

"Well he does. Anyway, since our grandparents were as legally married as it gets, that means we were already related to each other. Freaky, right? I'm not sure what relationship that even is. What does it mean when your grandfathers are married to each other? Are we cousins-in-law or something?"

"Cousins-in-law doesn't even sound right."

"You smell so nice tonight, cousin."

"Seriously, Akira? 'Cousin?' And what are you talking about?"

"You're wearing Ritsu cologne; seriously, you're a walking turn on."

"You're just over sexed."

"You're the same way. That's why you're smiling."

"Let's just buy this book and go home already."

"Yes, before your scent drives me over the edge."

Ritsu stuck his tongue at him and fwapped his fiancé on the way to the checkout counter. Fiancé. That sounded so good.

 **Title from Lovesong by The Cure**

 **This should be the penultimate chapter. Thank you for reading my AU where Takano and Onodera find their happier endings with other people in better relationships that are completely consensual.**

 **Meanwhile here are some reviews I might have received somewhere along the line:**

 **EditorInChief: A surreal story which misses the entire theme of the Sekaiichi Hatsukoi series. It's supposed to be about first love, which means Takano and Onodera need to be together and any other pairing is just plain wrong. If this was a submission for my magazine, I'd have rejected it immediately.**

 **TennisChamp: I loved it. But you're a major tease. You call that citrus? You've provided maybe a whiff of the good stuff. What I want is major lemons, limes. You know. Hot action. Especially with Ritsu and Akira, who are the main characters after all. If you're worried about your story becoming too long after the introduction of some joyous goodness like that, just delete the parts that aren't so important, you know the ones with Takano Masamune.**

 **Rabbit-man: Brilliant, although I suggest some reading of classic BL novels by Akikawa Yayoi who manages to capture the spirit of the BL oeuvre, and get rid of the strange and dangerous faux-pas parts such as reversable semes/ukes (?) which I'd prefer my lover not knowing about. Otherwise, interesting story and I loved how you've written the minor but important Takahashi character. Next time keep to the seme/uke rules and remember the most important one: explicit sex is best, and I guarantee you'll gain a following. Good luck.**


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27 Let the Moment Free You

 _Three months later…_

On a non-stop flight from Narita airport to San Jose, California, Ritsu dreamed. He hadn't dreamt of his and Akira's grandfathers in months. They were at the family house, and it was like they'd come to celebrate only it was obviously from his memory of a candid photo of the two men. Ritsu had looked at enough times since his grandfather had died and left him the mementos of his somewhat secret life with Akira's grandfather. They were probably in their 50's and were sitting at a round table laden with food with a few people. Ritsu assumed they must have been good friends because the two of them looked so comfortable; Akira's grandfather laughing about who knows what and seemingly unaware of Ritsu's grandfather who sat at the other end and was clearly looking at his lover with a look that reminded Ritsu of the looks he'd given Akira… it was hard to define but it seemed to include contentment, admiration and love. Somehow the photographer had captured their relationship with one picture and Ritsu loved it.

In the dream both grandfathers were seated at the same table, only they were also at the party after the adult adoption and congratulating Ritsu and Akira. Ritsu felt so loved and happy as he gazed up at Akira who seemed to be telling him something. Something important maybe? Ritsu tried to focus.

"Babe, we've just landed. It's time to wake up."

"Mmm." He nuzzled into Akira's chest and tried to ignore an aching in his neck; he could have been positioned better. Too bad he couldn't have Akira's scent bottled. It was delicious. He pondered putting his arms around his fiancé to show his appreciation and then woke up further and remembered he was on an airplane full of people, and even though none of them knew either Akira he still couldn't quite let go of his need for discretion in public.

"You should sleep on planes more often. I like how you wake up. Did you sleep well? I'm so jealous. You were out at least six hours. I'm lucky if I get three. I think I might have slept two and a half overall. You need to teach me your secret." As if to underscore this he yawned and stretched.

Ritsu joined in the stretching as they watched the other passengers slowly disembark "Yeah. I slept great. And I don't know how I do it. It just happens."

"Well, you're going to have to carry me to customs, because my body decided now it would be a good time to get a nap."

"I'll dump you in one of those luggage carriers and wheel you along."

"Where will you put the luggage then?"

"I'll just pile it all on top."

"That is so not nice." Akira pouted and added a "Not cool, Ritsu!" in English. Maybe he was getting warmed up now that they were stateside.

Thankfully, Akira stayed awake through customs, luggage and the shuttle to his mother and stepfather's house located somewhere called Cupertino. Ayumi and Alex Fernandez lived in a small house close to the community college where Alex taught physics. They clasped hands on the shuttle discreetly, although Ritsu couldn't help feeling self-conscious, even as he realized how happy it was making Akira.

It had been a busy few months. After they'd had went through the legal journey of the adult adoption, Akira had been busy changing all his accounts and his drivers license and passport. Ritsu never realized what a bureaucratic nightmare that would involve. They had moved to Ritsu's condo because it would be too much of a pain to break the lease.

Now Akira's memoirs were getting promoted by Marukawa. It would be officially out a week after their return and Akira had been busy showing Ritsu ads in various magazines and newspapers for a couple of weeks now. The man was way too excited about being a celebrity again, and yet Ritsu couldn't help feeling excited along with him. It must have been terrible having all that taken from him when he'd almost gotten killed; to know that his career that he'd just started was over. And now to be getting offers to be a commentator on a sports network? Akira had found this from his agent just a day before and hadn't stop talking about it. Maybe this was what it meant to be a married couple… They were sharing their successes and supporting one another in away he'd never really accomplished with Takano-san.

There was so much… new. Living together… okay so they'd basically been doing that already, but now they only had one residence to choose from. And they were still getting used to Akira's new name, even though professionally Akira was still using Suzuki. And, of course, new relatives, specifically Akira's father, who seemed very serious in his desire to be in his children's lives with little success so far. Ritsu had decided not to get involved. On the plus side, the man hadn't 'hung himself' with the 'rope' they'd given him. At the same time the man had spent decades being an asshole and none of his children were in any hurry to forgive him. There wasn't much trust and it would take a lot of time to build it anew.

Lucky for the older Suzuki he'd gained an unexpected ally in Ritsu's father. They hadn't exactly been friends growing up; Akira's father had resented Ritsu's as an extension of the man who'd taken away his father, or so he thought. And yet the two men had a lot in common and they'd ended up spending a lot of the small party Ritsu's parent's after the adult adoption had gone through.

They finally ended up at the Fernandez's. Originally Ryuma's family were supposed to stay there, but Konoko-san decided she didn't want her kids exposed to ideas they didn't want them to know about, which had lead to some awkward family situation with Akira angry but trying not to put Ryuma into an awkward situation between his brother and wife In typical Akira fashion he'd been more concerned about his mother being deprived of seeing her grandchildren then the fact that she was slighting him and his new husband. In the end they'd compromised. Ryuma was coming for the wedding and Konoko would bring the kids the day before Akira and Ritsu left for their honeymoon.

It had been a long time since he'd spoken English, and he was a bit rusty but both Alex and Ayumi loved his British-style accent, which Ritsu found a bit amusing, and Alex appeared to be a bit of a Japanophile.

"So… uh… Onodera-san?"

"He's your son-in-law, so call him Ricchan." Akira was smiling way too brightly, especially seeing he knew Ritsu only barely tolerated anybody calling him that. It had been one thing for his grandfather to have called him that, and Kisa-san somehow got away with it somehow, but that was about it.

"Excuse me, Akira! You are purposely teasing me. You can call me Ritsu, uh… Mr. Fernandez?"

"Hey. Everyone calls me Alex. Even Akira. Although if you're uncomfortable you call me… I don't know… 'Yumi, what should he call me?"

"Alex?"

"No. He's a proper Japanese man. He needs last names and honorifics."

"It's fine. I lived in England, and Akira told me people are more casual here. Why don't you call me Onodera? And I'll call you… whatever you want me to call you."

"Can you call me Oji-san?" Akira started laughing. He looked so relaxed with his feet resting on a chair.

"Alex, you seriously want Ritsu to call you _Ojji-san_? _I_ don't even do that."

"I think I'll just call you Alex."

Akira started laughing hysterically. It was clear he got along well with his stepfather.

Ritsu wasn't so sure how Akira was even awake. They'd since been there two days and the man had gotten maybe five hours each night. He'd never seen him this way. Ryuma and Fumi had arrived a day after they had, and it was amusing watching the siblings interact together. Akira's siblings teased him mercilessly, and Ritsu couldn't help joining in. Maybe this as a little bit like how they'd been when they'd been younger?

The only annoyance about sleeping at Akira's mother was bedtime. Ritsu was so sure they'd talked about this. And it wasn't like he didn't want Akira. It was just they were in a small house

with thin walls and even though they were in the attic he knew he'd be feeling self-conscious. He'd suspected he'd be self-conscious which is why he'd purposely brought it up before they left.

And yet Akira had obviously not gotten the memo, because as soon as Ritsu had gotten into bed after his much-needed bath, Akira had grabbed Ritsu's hands and stuck them in his boxers, and it took a moment but finally Ritsu remembered where they were, and grabbed ahold of Akira's hand.

"Akira!"

"Ritsu, I know we talked about this, but I can be quiet and we're not near the other bedrooms at all. My mother told me she did that specially for us."

"What? You talked to your mother about us needing a special bedroom… isn't that kind of like having a conversation about us doing it?"

"Well, yeah. I mean no. It's not like we talked about sex, and I definitely don't want to think about her and Alex, but it's pretty obvious that we're going to want to do it so it's normal to talk about… logistics. It was very discreet."

"No, it isn't!"

"Oh please. Ritsu, I need you. It's been days, and I need you to fill-"

"Akira! No. Just… no!" Ritsu thought he was going to explode if Akira finished his sentence, and the man was using that low sexy voice he always put on when he was extra horny and Ritsu was starting to feel very hot and very much aroused and not here, not here! He pushed him away.

"Ritsu, I'm not trying to force you. That's the last thing I want to do, but sometimes I don't get you. We're pretty much married already. Married people have sex. It's normal thing that couples do."

"And in this tiny house I don't feel comfortable, and just knowing that your parents know what we're doing makes me feel weird."

"Trust me, my mom doesn't really want to be thinking about me having sex any more than I want to be thinking of… yuck. Yeah, I don't want to think about that. But we all know it's a fact of life. So why can't we just enjoy each other?" Akira put his hands under Ritsu's shirt, and the man knew exactly how to touch him and nooo! Ritsu swatted him away not nearly as playfully as he normally did.

"Akira, stop!" Suddenly Akira was looking at him in a way he'd never done; he looked surprised and… angry, and he realized for a guy who didn't want to make a scene, he was being way too loud. He looked down at the purple and yellow striped design on the blanket and wondered if it had been there when Akira was in middle school. "I-I-I don't know… it's just knowing that your family might be able to hear…"

"Why the fuck does it feel weird to want to have sex with your husband?" Akira burst out angrily.

"Akira, please." What was _up_ with him?"

"It's not even now. It's the whole fucking time since we've gotten here you can't even hold my hand even though nobody in this freaking country knows you. Why can't you just…"

"Akira, I have been holding hands with you. I've been trying. It's not what I'm used to, and you know that! And I can't understand you right now. We talked about this."

"You know what, Ritsu? I need to leave, because I'm going to say something that I'm going to regret." What was going on? Akira never talked to him like that, and here even the way he said his name was filled with anger and frustration. Ritsu wiped away the tears.

"No. It's okay. I'm going to um… use the computer. I need to send some emails." He ran off before Akira could stop him.

What had just happened? They'd never been like this. Okay, they'd had their moments here and there, where they disagreed. Especially when Akira was over tired. Over tired. When had the man last gotten a good night sleep? He took a deep breath and relaxed. No wonder the man was over-sensitive. And to think a year ago he probably would have assumed their relationship was over and would have run far away. Maybe he would have gone to the airport and flown back. And now… the outburst had been annoying, and Akira had been immature, but it wasn't him talking it was the lack of sleep.

When he came back after what ended up being an hour of watching his new relatives play a confusing board game involving land, materials and invasion, Akira was fast asleep. Ritsu stripped to his boxers, wrapping his arms around his man, who looked a lot calmer and sweeter; much more like his usual self.

The next thing he knew he was waking up to Akira gently stroking his hair and smiling at him.

"Akira?" How long had this man been watching him sleep?

"How long have I been looking at you and thinking what an asshole I was last night? Not too long."

"It's okay. You were tired."

"That doesn't excuse my behavior. I was completely out of line! I was acting like an asshole, and you should never feel pressured to have sex with me. I was being disgusting and I made you cry and-"

"Akira, it's okay. You were overtired and I wasn't being very flexible, and… I want to be flexible with you." He felt himself blush _again_ \- blushing! The bane of his existence! Akira seemed a lot calmer after a full uninterrupted night of sleep.

"Eh. We're so close. We have one more night and after that we'll be in a fancy hotel all by ourselves and then I'm going to keep you up _all_ _night_."

"Still, I think we can work something out this morning… and I'm kind of thirsty…"

"Uh… _that_ kind of thirsty?" Ritsu started laughing at the hopeful sound in Akira's voice.

"Yes. That kind of thirsty, although I'm going to stick a towel in your mouth if you're not absolutely quiet, while I have my… smoothie."

"Ooooooh, kinky! The only thing is… I'm kind of thirsty too."

"Yeah, well accommodations can be made."

 **Title is from Take Me As I Am by October Project**

 **Okay. This should be the penultimate chapter. Wrapping up this story has been a lot more complicated than starting it. I had already said what I wanted to say already and the wedding is basically the frosting.**

 **I've started planning the sequel of sorts which probably will not be getting popularity points. It's TakanoxAikawa because there's more I want to put him through and I'm weird enough to take a BL manga and write about a het relationship. I'll hopefully keep the balance by putting some Trifecta and some RitsuxAkira (Athletica?)**


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28 We're More Than Okay

Ritsu looked down at his bottle of carbonated strawberry drink that was supposed to contain just the right amount of alcohol to make him relaxed without making him drunk and out of control. Akira's mother had rented out an outdoor venue which was large and airy. He stretched out in his chair and took another sip.

Akira sat across from him drinking a beer. He was being so sweet and gentle; nobody would have ever known how last night Ritsu had ran off crying due to Akira suddenly developing a personality transplant. It ended up being lack of sleep (who takes a fifteen-hour flight and doesn't sleep and then spends the next two nights barely getting 5 hours a night? Akira, that's who). The pre-wedding stress hadn't exactly helped either. It was Akira's idea to have a drink before the celebration started. They'd just been to some sort of government office where, without much ceremony, they'd become legally married. Akira suddenly smiled brightly at Ritsu.

"Hey. You're cute. What's your name?" Ritsu looked at his husband (husband! They were legally married now in multiple countries!) with a slightly peeved look.

"Onodera Ritsu." _As if you didn't know this?_

"Really? I'm Onodera Akira! Do you think we're _related_?" Ritsu rolled his eyes and laughed.

"I was wondering where that was going."

"I couldn't help myself. You're good now?"

"Yeah. Thanks. I'm sorry about last night."

"You weren't the jerk. Ready to be inundated with my extended family? Hopefully Mark won't be showing up. He's not even family. I can't believe my mother invited him, but then again she wouldn't know why she shouldn't."

"Who's Mark?"

"My cousin's best friend forever. He's also my first boyfriend, although when I say boyfriend, I really mean sex friend. I told my mom he had a better game console than me. I used to talk about how he had the best controller and she had no idea what I was really talking about. Oh, I was so bad!" Ritsu loved Akira, but sometimes the man was dense. Like when he thought it was at all appropriate to start talking about what he did with other men. "Okay, what's that sour look for?"

"Nothing. I just _love_ when we talk about all your exes."

"Like I love it when we start discussing An-chan or Bakano-san?" Ritsu practically sprayed his drink.

"That's not nice!"

"Which is why you're laughing."

"Well it is kind of funny. Although if you've noticed, I've never talked about my exploits with my ex, and here you are coming up with vulgar euphemisms involving video controllers. Maybe you'd like to hear about all the times I went to my senpai's house because we loved reading, except we weren't really reading most of the time! I can describe our 'reading' activities in detail."

"Okay, okay you've proved your point! That really won't be necessary! I'm sorry. I'll try to be more sensitive. Mark and I kind of stayed friendly sort of, but it's been a bit weird. He spent years being denial about his homosexuality. He was so deluded, he got married to prove to the world how straight he was. Now he's divorced and the last time I was trying to convince me that we should get together."

"Excuse me?! We were already dating the last time you were here!" Wasn't it enough he had to deal with all sorts of people flirting with Akira, did he also have to contend with lonely exes?

"Relax. Nothing happened. Like I'd even be tempted. Whatever. I doubt he'll show up. He was really pissed that I was being so loyal to you. Aren't I amazing?"

"Yes, and just as humble as ever."

Ritsu sipped his drink, squeezing Akira's hand under the table, as they smiled at each other. His mother-in-law had chosen a great venue. They were outdoors on a huge terrace overlooking a lake and a large lawn. There were several round tables, a professional bartender plus room to dance, not like Ritsu ever danced, but tonight would have to be an exception. And he was slowly getting used to public displays of affection, at least a little bit. It helped that aside from his parents, Akira's immediately family, Nao, Kisa-san and Yukina-san nobody knew him.

Unfortunately, An-chan hadn't been able to come. They still stayed in contact, but it had become challenging ever since she'd gotten married and moved to New Zealand with her husband. She was now expecting their first child but was planning on coming back to Tokyo to visit at one point and then they'd have a belated celebration for the both.

The first part of the celebration started on the terrace. It had been Akira's idea. Of course, because that man was a walking talking Shōjo __manga story. Well, he'd edited Shōjo __manga for over a year, he knew the terrain.

Or he should have known the terrain. Somehow seeing all the people sitting in the chairs and Akira standing next to him at the front looking directly at him… where was this adrenaline rush coming from when they were already as legally married at home? Belatedly, he realized they never really talked about rings, and he'd never really bought any and didn't people exchange them at this time? Oh well. They'd go to a jewelry story when they got back.

"Hey Ritsu." Oh shit. Of all the times to space out… Since when did he space out so much?

"Hi Akira."

"I wanted to give you something." It was weird. Akira was talking like they were alone except some 50 people were watching like they were a new reality show.

"Ah. So did I." Except I only realized that now."

"Well lucky for us, I did. Ritsu, that time when we first met, it's not like I knew you were the one. I just knew I needed to stop you from walking away. What I didn't know is that we'd be here today, that I'd change my name to yours and link my life with yours forever. And I hope we spend the rest of our lives together living the best lives possible." Ritsu was so moved he almost forgot to think about all the people listening in on their conversation.

"Thank you, Onodera Ritsu for agreeing to be my husband forever and I promise to love you unconditionally no matter what happens to us." Which is when Ritsu realized Akira had been speaking English until just now. Seamlessly, Akira translated what he said into English amidst whooping and clapping. Now it was his turn.

"Wow." Well the audience approved of that not so articulate response. More clapping and whooping. Akira handed Ritsu another ring case. "I don't know what to say. When we met, I had no clue we'd end up here, and yet it now seems so clear how this was the only way for us. I don't think I've ever been so happy in my entire life. I don't know what to say except I'm excited where our journey takes us, and I'll always be by your side." Where had _that_ come from? He should have been cringing at what he just said, but he was too overjoyed to care. He took Akira's right hand and somehow managed to find his ring finger. Then before his rational mind intervened, he grabbed his husband and gave him a deep kiss.

Akira responded amidst yet more whooping, confetti and explosive confetti.

Ritsu spent the next hour being introduced to Akira's aunt's uncles and cousins on both sides of his family, most of whom were from California. He'd met the aunt uncle and cousins who lived in Japan briefly, but he definitely needed a family tree with everyone's pictures. Then friends of both Akira's and his parent's started arriving. The more people showed up the more relieved Ritsu was that he'd had just had the one alcoholic drink.

It was amusing how everyone seemed to love his accent when he spoke English. What was so interesting about an English accent, anyway? Not that his accent was that authentic. He'd originally been taught by a tutor starting when he was eight. His tutor had originally been from Manchester. Then he spent three years at that posh high school in London, and now he had barely spoken English in years. He probably sounded odd to someone English.

"You never told me your husband was English!" somebody already clearly inebriated yelled to Akira.

"Because he isn't. He only lived there a few years."

"He needs to speak more!"

"Yes, I want to meet this new husband of yours." A man with red hair and freckles spoke. He was about 10 centimeters taller than Ritsu.

"Hi, Mark. Thanks for coming." Mark? As in the Mark who had tried to sleep with Akira? Ritsu smiled brightly.

"Oh. Hello, Mark. Thank you for coming to the celebration for Akira and me. I'm Onodera Ritsu." Meanwhile he was thinking: _Jerk! If you so much as touch Akira, I'll break your arm._ Not that he'd ever tell the man that. Being polite to people like Mark was second nature to him. He could be adult.

"I'm Mark Landauer. I forget that in Japan you say your name backwards." _Uh... it's you Americans who've got it backward._ "Akira and I go _way_ back." _Yes, and now whenever I think of game controllers, I'll think of you._

"It's so nice to meet you then."

"Likewise. Thanks for the invite, Akira."

"Sure. Glad you could make it."

As soon as Landauer was out of earshot, Akira rolled his eyes.

"Sorry about that. I really thought he wasn't going to show up."

"It's fine."

"Yeah. Still, he really needs to get a boyfriend."

"Ritsu!" Ritsu turned and saw Nao.

Akira whispered to Ritsu, "Speaking of somebody who needs to get a boyfriend."

Ritsu was happy to see Nao. Finally, somebody who knew him. Nao had been working only 50 km away on yet another travel book. Their relationship had improved so much since the evening Nao met Akira. It had been like Nao had never confessed. It was like now that Ritsu had found a good guy, he'd moved on. Ritsu suspected the whole confession thing had been mainly to get rid of Takano-san. Not that he'd ever discuss it with Nao. He was just happy they were friends again. It reminded him of high school, only a lot healthier and without his obsession about a certain Senpai.

"Congratulations, Ritsu. I'm really happy for you."

"How's your travel book going?"

"Amazing. I'm headed north in a few days, so the timing was perfect."

They caught up on each other's work, while Akira caught up more with his American cousins.

Yhey made plans to meet when they both were back in Tokyo, whenever that would be. How Nao lived this kind of life Ritsu would never know.

Ritsu headed to the bar. What he really needed was a large glass of barley tea. He should have mixed himself a bottle of the stuff when he was still at the Fernandez's. Oh well. He'd have to find a substitute.

"Hi. Can I get a cold tea?"

"Long Island Iced Tea?"

"Okay." He wasn't sure where Long Island was but wherever it was hopefully their tea was refreshing. He took a sip. It had a bit of a kick to it, but it didn't taste that bad, and he was thirsty.

He sat down and sipped from his tea. It was nice to just have a moment and be an observer at his own celebration. He watched Akira with his American cousins. They were definitely a lively bunch. Ritsu couldn't hear him, but it was clearly something exciting. He loved that man.

He went over to where his father, mother and Akira's father were talking and felt surprisingly moved to see them. It was a good thing his parents had sort of "adopted" Suzuki-san before at the adult adoption party. He strode over to them confidently.

"Hi!"

"Congratulations, Ritsu."

"Thank you, Oka-san, Otou-san. And uh... Can I call you Otou-san also, Suzuki-san?"

"Well, if you like. That would be nice."

"Alright, I'll call you're Otou-san, Suzuki-san, and you Tou-san." Ritsu finished up the tea. There was something odd about the taste, but he couldn't quite place it.

"Otou-san, you were a real jerk to Akira, when he was a kid. But I like you anyway because… you're trying really hard to be nice now." Somehow that just seemed the right thing to say, even if his parents were looking at him rather oddly. That tea had been good. Maybe he'd have another. He walked over the bar, ordered another tea, and started to sip it while he looked for Akira. Who was not Takano-san. No. _Bakano_ -san, he thought and giggled to himself. Bakano-san! That had been so brilliant, although perhaps a little mean. Still. Bakano-san! He started laughing again, because that really had been hilarious.

Akira was laughing with one of his many cousins. He looked gorgeous, and not only was he Ritsu's but he even had his name now.

"Ricchan, are you okay?" It was Kisa-san who was openly holding hands with his boyfriend, which was interesting since that man was more tsundere than he was. Yukina-san looked so overjoyed and had this nervous look on his face like he was worrying somebody would pinch him and he'd wake up. Ritsu contemplated pinching the man then changed his mind.

"I'm good, Kisa-san, because I'm married to Akira. He's _mine_ now! See him?" He noticed Akira walking on the lawn with a few people and pointed happily. He'd taken off his suit jacket and unbuttoned the top two buttons. Ritsu wished Akira would open his shirt even more so he could see more of his chest.

"Yeah. I know. That's why we're here."

"Yes. I'm just going to look for some food now. I'm sorry, there's no dorayaki. Americans." Ritsu shook his head in dismay even though he wasn't exactly a dorayaki fan himself.

"That's fine. There's other delicious food here. Yukina-san and I were just having some cheesecake. It's a bit rich, but it's delicious." Did Kisa-san have a weird look on his face or was it his imagination? How odd. First his parents and now Kisa-san…

Then he saw him. That horrible man who shouldn't be here. Why was he even here? What was his name? Mino? No that was his old co-worker, and that was a first name. Well, whoever he was, he'd show him. He'd tell him exactly how things stood.

Putting on his fiercest expression, Ritsu went over to the man, who was standing by himself. _Perfect_.

"Oi! You!" He went in closer. He'd never seen a man with that many freckles before. "Yeah, you! Landau… Something!"

"Ah. Ritsu. Congratulations again. Im really happy I get to celebrate with you and Akira. You look so happy together."

Ritsu wasn't expecting that type of comment, but it was probably a trick to catch him off guard, and he wasn't going to fall for that! "That's very nice, but I know exactly what you tried the last time Akira was here. I'm only going to warn you once. Akira's mine, so HANDS OFF, okay? You had your chance, but we're married now, and I even adopted him. That means he's mine, and therefore not yours, and he'll _never_ be yours, SO FIND SOMEBODY ELSE!" Oops. He hadn't really meant to yell so loudly at the end.

"Ritsu! What the hell are you saying?" So Akira overhearing him hadn't exactly been part of the plan either. Still, he didn't have to look so uncomfortable. "Mark, uh… excuse us."

"No problem." Hopefully this ridiculous 'love rival' had gotten the message. It was good Ritsu was still fluent in English. He let Akira lead him away to a more private place. About time. He needed to untuck that crisp white shirt and let his fingers roam over the landscape of that chest.

"Ritsu, what's going on? I thought you wanted to be relaxed, not wasted."

"What are you talking about? All I had was that strawberry drink! I switched to tea. I know how I get when I'm drunk. You look so gorgeous though." Too gorgeous. Risu started untucking Akira's shirt and was surprised to find Akira stopping him. Him of all people! He should be loving this!

"Uh… Ritsu, we're in a public place…"

"So? I really need to feel your chest now." _Chest, glorious strong chest!_

"Ritsu! Stop. I'm serious!" Oh right. What was that about public places? He usually didn't like this sort of thing when other people were roaming about, and he was starting to feel weird, as in drunk weird. But he'd been so careful!

"Ritsu, what kind of tea did you have?"

"Uh… I don't really remember… It was some Island brand?"

'Ah. Long Island Iced Tea?"

"Yeah, that's it!"

"And how many did you have?"

"Just two! I think? Yes. I only had two. Why?"

"Because a Long Island Iced Tea is very alcoholic. No wonder you're drunk."

"And _you're_ sexy. Look, cousins of Akira! He's mine!" Ritsu gleefully pointed to his husband and then saw his mother in law.

"Oka-san! Can I _really_ call you that?"

"Of course, Ritsu. Akira, how did he get this drunk this quickly?"

"He had two long island iced teas. He didn't realize it was alcoholic. I think maybe it's time to take him to the hotel."

"Oh no!" Why was his mother so sad? What was wrong with going to the hotel? And why were they talking as if Ritsu wasn't right in front of them?

"Yeah. I'm going to be spending my wedding night with a completely wasted husband. Oh well. He's kind of cute this way. He's just completely unfiltered." Ritsu frowned. He was perhaps a touch inebriated, but he was hardly wasted! He looked at his mother in law. What an amazing woman who had raised the love of his love and had dealt with so much, and yet it was time for her to let go of her son.

"Oka-san, I think you're amazing, but I have to be honest. He's not a little boy anymore so let him free so he can fly to me!"

"Okay. He's not just unfiltered he's also acting more than just a little weird too." Ritsu pouted. Seriously? Weird was Akira getting annoyed just because Ritsu wanted a little bit of skinship.

"Good thing you love him, right?"

"Yeah. Thanks Mom!" Ritsu watched Akira hug his mother.

"Okay. We're waving goodbye and going to the hotel. Can you do that?" Ritsu blinked and wondered why Akira was talking to him slowly like he was an idiot. Then he remembered: hotel! _Yes, finally! Sex!_ and suddenly had the greatest idea.

"Akira, since you changed your name to mine that means _I_ get to top!"

"Uh… we'll see when we get to the hotel, but I'm really not liking your logic right now."

The next thing Ritsu knew he was lying in an unfamiliar bed with a pounding headache.

"Ugh… what happened and where are we? The hotel?"

"What happened? We got legally married and had a wedding celebration, where you got completely wasted."

"I did? But I was going to stay away from alcohol."

"Yeah, I know. It's not your fault. Do you remember anything about last night?"

"Yes. I think… I mean I remember some of it… It's kind of got blurry. I remember getting annoyed because somebody was laughing loudly."

"Uh…that was you, Ritsu, when we were driving to the hotel."

"Are you sure?"

"You also threatened Mark and told him to stay away from me, and you kept on pointing me out to people and telling them that I'm yours now in two languages."

"Are you serious?"

"Oh, and you tried to strip me in front of a lot of people and got annoyed when I tried to stop you. It was like we'd switched places, only I never act like that when I'm drunk."

"Ouch. That sounds vaguely familiar. It's a good thing most of your family members live thousands of miles away. I've completely humiliated myself. What happened when we got to the hotel?"

"You managed to take off your clothes, collapsed in bed and went to sleep. I took care of business in the bathroom, watched some tv and eventually fell asleep."

"Oh, that's horrible. I can't believe I messed up that much on our wedding night."

"Well, our adult adoption night was memorable, and I'm sure you can make it up to me… after you stop being so hungover. Want some pain relievers and water?"

"Yeah. Thanks. I love you." Akira passed him a pill and a cup of water and Ritsu thankfully took his medicine.

"Ritsu, you acted a bit over the top last night, but when you get drunk you're still you; you're just a more vocal you; and when you were pointing me out to people so proudly and happily it made me feel so... special and content, you know? So happy to be your husband. Even if you were drunk off your ass."

Ritsu wasn't so sure how to take that and decided to focus on the positive aspects and not the aspects like how he'd be embarrassed any time they spent time with any of Akira's relatives. They loved each other and now they were a family.

Ritsu imagined himself and Akira standing at the beginning of a huge book, and their story was just getting started. He couldn't wait to add more chapters.

THE END!

 **Title is from Power of Two by Indigo Girls and with that I have freed myself from having to find songs for chapter titles. Although, I kind of enjoyed it.**

' **Bakano-san' comes from a funny fanfiction story by Zokou-Chan on this site.**

 **Thanks for reading! And here's to many years of joy to the fictional marital union of my OC with Nakamura-sensei's. I tried to make my OC everything that Takano—san and yet tried to give him his own unique flaws.**


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